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AIBU?

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Original poster

Another wedding one!

101 replies

Lolipoplady · 20/02/2015 11:15

Am I being unreasonable to feel Shock Angry and Hmm at a wedding that consists of the following (groom is old uni friend of DP):

-Location is a popular far-east holiday destination, in a year's time
-Will require two flights to get there
-Guests are expected to pay for 5 nights accommodation in multi-bedroomed villas which totals £350 pp B&B (so £700 for me and DP)
-We have to pay a deposit NOW as the venue is apparently asking for half the cost upfront
-It has been made clear that the wedding is going to cost £13,000 but in actual fact the intention is that this will be covered by guests
-We have to pay £32.50 pp to cover the cost of the reception, and this doesn't include drinks

I am also peed off that DP has told his friend that he will go but doesn't know yet whether I will be going too (although DP hasn't paid the deposit yet - not sure if he will actually go now we are getting more information about what it is going to actually cost!!)... but that is a different story.

OP posts:
Piffyonarock · 21/02/2015 23:07

Spits out tea - we got married ourselves for less than £4k. And we had favours on the tables Smile

AlpacaLypse · 21/02/2015 23:21

ohh-kay... I'm going to go against the grain here...

If old friends of ours decided they wanted to finally get round to getting married and wanted to do it in a 'once in a lifetime' destination, and invited us to think about joining in, DP and I would seriously consider it. If we couldn't afford it/timings really weren't going to work, we'd say no.

Your DPs friend have chucked this one out at their friends as a possibility, it's not compulsory. They have been upfront about the costs. The only thing they haven't done that I would have added in if we were the betrothed couple is a shindig back home for the people who couldn't make it to SunnyFarAwayPlace for the actual marriage.

Disclaimer... DP and I are mulling over doing something like this now that our children are teenagers and we seem to be better off due to economy finally improving - so I might be a tiny bit biased!

Only1scoop · 21/02/2015 23:25

Yanbu at all cheeky sods....

Your DH is being extremely unreasonable to accept on your behalf.

No chance

SconeRhymesWithGone · 21/02/2015 23:27

You could get away with the piper in lots of places in the US. Smile

Dakiara · 22/02/2015 08:18

I want the glittery sandal bottoms! Not that the floor isn't already covered with glitter here most days, but this way I can share the detritus! ??

And the flip flops thing is fab - no more wedding punch ups at the reception, just cheerful sounding flip flop battles!

I might want to get married again just to have these things! /goestotellDP

BikeRunSki · 22/02/2015 09:13

I think I may have to LTB so I can get married again. Anyone will do, so long as I can have a flip flop basket, donkey and pashminas.

DH and I didn't even have flowers (too much hayfever in family), balloons (autistic nephew doesn't like them) or favours (didn't know about them).

anonacfr · 22/02/2015 09:32

Pipes piper!!!!!! There are no words.

Imagine the guests at the wedding. They're sitting down in the church waiting to leave. Suddenly as they get up this random medieval looking tramp emerges and starts randomly playing the flute. WTF?????

flowery · 22/02/2015 09:38

"Guests are expected to pay for 5 nights accommodation in multi-bedroomed villas which totals £350 pp B&B....and £32.50pp to cover the costs of the reception"

That's a contradiction in terms. I think the bride and groom need a bit of help with the definition of the word "guest".

BikeRunSki · 22/02/2015 09:49

Pipers are common - even usual - at Scottish weddings. I wouldn't be surprised to see one, especially if the groom was wearing a kilt. Certainly wouldn't think it was ostentatious.

itsaysonthetin · 22/02/2015 09:56

Gosh! All I can say is that your DP's friend must have a lot of very, very wealthy friends, to even THINK that suggesting something like that would be a reasonable thing to do!!

I think all you can do is sit down with partner and go through what the costs would be in order to go. Don't forget you'll need meals around the breakfast in the b and b, and likewise, probably want a few drinks here and there, etc. Small costs, but they will no doubt add up.

You could also tentatively point out that by that time it might be difficult for you to fly.

I wouldn't do this for my own brother, let alone a friend.

I've always thought that exotic destination holidays were basically a way of telling people that you didn't really want them there!!

Dowser · 22/02/2015 10:17

I'm getting married abroad this year. I costed a small 50 person wedding in a nice venue , 60 miles from where I live. I hated the venue, the church and the whole day of my first wedding 40 years ago. Parents paid so I had little say in it. Plus it rained!

So when I got up to five grand without including clothes to wear I thought enough was enough.

We've paid for my ten family to have a week abroad. That came out at under the five grand. We were going anyway. An inexpensive light weight dress for me , trousers and shirt for hubby as its going to be 80 degrees plus on the beach.

Invites have gone out to anyone who wants to come along, who can get themselves out there. Then they are more than welcome. We are having a meal in our favourite restaurant . Nice and simple.

No fuss, no stress and no party at home afterwards. I'm partied out.

The highpoint of my wedding will be spending time with my family on a sunshine holiday. We two old farts are just like any old married couple anywhere ;-)

anonacfr · 22/02/2015 12:07

Re pipers- aren't there bagpipers at Scottish weddings?

From what was posted I just got the fairy tale pied piper with the rats and the kids vibe. Grin

OfficerVanHalen · 22/02/2015 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

laughingmyarseoff · 22/02/2015 13:30

I wouldn't go. To pay so much to get out there and then be charged for the wedding? Fuck off.

If you do go, I would not take a present- no way.

I've paid to go to destination weddings before and they've been lovely, however that's for very good friends who've put on great wedding which cost the guests absolutely nothing. If a friend told me they were charging for guests to eat I'd tell them how fucking cheap they were.

thatsucks · 22/02/2015 16:07

I wouldn't go unless I thought 'oh actually I fancy a holiday in Thailand and that suits me'. Which is not what you're thinking. So don't overthink this, just say no.

Vycount · 22/02/2015 16:34

Apart from anything else, you're being expected to pay to stay in a multi-bedroom villa with other couples. People you might not even know. What worse hell could there be?

Original poster
Lolipoplady · 27/02/2015 11:27

Just to give an update - on the slight off chance that anyone is interested Grin - DP texted his friend to say basically say "sorry mate, we can't commit to that right now as it's a lot of money and we don't know where we'll be in a year's time". So that's knocked that on the head, good old DP.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/02/2015 17:18

Good for him.

TweeStuff · 27/02/2015 18:07

Of course we are still interested Grin. I'm glad it has been sorted.

Problem solved.

JenniferGovernment · 27/02/2015 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

geekymommy · 27/02/2015 20:22

Do they make the glittery shoe bottoms in toddler sizes? DD would love that.

5 nights for a wedding? That's crazy. If people choose on their own to spend some more time in the place where the wedding was, that's one thing. But do they have events planned for the whole five days? If you did go to get a holiday out of it, your time might be taken up by wedding-related stuff, and you might not get much time to do the stuff you'd like to do on holiday.

Charging people for attending your wedding? Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope.

SisterMoonshine · 27/02/2015 20:31

More people dropping out then.
It'll be interesting to see how this pans out for them.
If a lot of people drop out, will the remaining guests have to pay more?

MidniteScribbler · 27/02/2015 20:37

This wedding madness has to stop.

SolidGoldBrass · 27/02/2015 20:38

If the bride and groom and most of their friends and family are wealthy, it's not that unreasonable for them to want an expensive wedding and believe that their friends can afford to join them.
And I was going to say that if your DP has the money to spare and really wants to go, don't forbid him to do so just before you move in together - he might be seeing it as a sort of last farewell to his carefree uni days, but I see the thread's moved on.

Original poster
Lolipoplady · 28/02/2015 12:23

sistermoonshine yep the price goes up for everyone else, the more people who drop out. I am also interested to see how it pans out! I don't know how many people have said they'll go.

solidgoldbrass The bride and groom + family/friends are definitely not particularly wealthy... I found out a couple of days ago that the groom's MOTHER might not be able to afford to go?! It just gets worse doesn't it.

OP posts: