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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that my husband to come downstairs to partake in daughters birthday

82 replies

Bravenewworld1 · 18/02/2015 19:19

Today is my daughters 8th birthday. she has never had a birthday party in the traditional sense, usually we just go out for lunch. this year I wanted to give her a proper party. I invited 14 of her school friends to the house. I made a pass the parcel., party bags little prizes for the kids and so on. a friend offered to help ouT- she was brilliant and I dont think i could have done it without her. they arrived at 1 left at 2. my husband works for himself so can decide when he takes time off. usually he works weekends. he did take the day off but spend the most of his time in his room. he helped me clean the house in the morning and took my daughter to the shops which are a 5 min walk away to buy her present- all this took about 20 mins. During the party he popped down twice for about 2 mins. he wasn't even there when she was blowing out her candles. as well as this he didn't lift a finger to clear up the mess after I FEEL REALLY DISAPPOINTED- especially as he is going away for a couple of days tomorrow. I told him how upset I was- he responded by saying that he took the day off , he doesn't do parties ant that he's a 48 year man and doesn't have to help out if he doesn't want too. he has stayed in his room most of the eveining.

OP posts:

Chertsey · 18/02/2015 19:36

There's a lot of my and I in your post, my daughter, I wanted....

Did he get any say in the arrangements? If not, it sounds like he did quite a lot, actually.

OhFlippityBolax · 18/02/2015 19:44

I had to double check your child's age. From the party description I thought she was 3.

TheIronGnome · 18/02/2015 19:48

I think that's poor tbh. He was at home working anyway, coming down for a significant amount of time while the party was on wasn't too much to ask. Many people don't 'do' parties but suck it up when their children are involved.

It's one party, a shame he couldmt make an effort. Did your dd notice?

BuzzardBird · 18/02/2015 19:48

Wow, very unfair replies so far. I expect that OP has to plan everything or it just doesn't get done.

Your DH is a selfish git who doesn't like the attention being on anyone else OP, but I guess you know that already?

Original poster

Bravenewworld1 · 18/02/2015 19:49

yes the party was my idea that's why I didn't expect him to help but I did expect him to be there for at least some of the time surely that's not unreasonable

OP posts:

BuzzardBird · 18/02/2015 19:49

Wasn't including you in that Gnome cross posted.

QuestionsaboutDS · 18/02/2015 19:51

Is she his daughter?

bonbonbonbon · 18/02/2015 19:55

Wow, my dad was a complete jerk to my mom my whole life and does not do parties but he was there for cake, candles and opening presents at every birthday until I was in my teens.

ChipDip · 18/02/2015 19:56

Yanbu, I can't imagine a parent being in the same home as their child and not wanting to spend the birthday with them. It's awful of him to have basically ignored her on the day.

Original poster

Bravenewworld1 · 18/02/2015 19:56

yes she is his daughter- and by the way these party games were my daughters choice so please do not be mean with regards to my daughters choice of activities.

OP posts:

catsdogsandbabies · 18/02/2015 19:58

Of course YANBU. Very odd, is there a backstory? Uncomfortable with strangers etc?

glenthebattleostrich · 18/02/2015 19:58

Ooh look the first 2 responses are your common or garden AIBU arises.

OP, YANBU. The party sounds lovely. Your DH doesn't.

FWIW my H is a lazy git who makes as little effort as he can get away with (I do all planning etc for DDs birthday and Christmas) but he knows that dinner would be his bollocks slow roasted and served up with a side of his arse on a plate if he let DD down. She's only 4 so parties are the social event of the year!

TracyBarlow · 18/02/2015 19:58

He didn't come to his own daughter's birthday party even though he was in the house because he doesn't 'do' birthday parties? In my book that makes him a prize dick.

glenthebattleostrich · 18/02/2015 19:59

Arses not arises, bloody predictive text

Joyfulldeathsquad · 18/02/2015 20:02

YANBU.

Pretty poor show I think.

Did she have a good time?

TaytoCrisp · 18/02/2015 20:02

Yanbu. Totally understand ur disappointment.

ClumsyNinja · 18/02/2015 20:02

Mine says crap like this occasionally as if the fact he's 12 yrs older means he shouldn't have to pull his weight.

Just tell him if his age is causing him such difficulties, you'll happily swap him for a younger model/start researching care homes...

Give them an inch etc. etc.

CuddlesfromChickens · 18/02/2015 20:03

YANBU at all.

No doubt he'd be a bit hurt if his daughter didn't participate in his birthday tea.

Maybe broach it from that perspective.

BtW my answer to the '48 yo man' comment would have been that he should have learned about 40 years ago that there are sometimes occasions when you put other's needs above your own. Your daughter's 8th birthday is one of them.

I'd be extremely disappointed OP.

steff13 · 18/02/2015 20:06

It sounds like he was being kind of a jerk. Did he not want to have a party?

Did you really only have a party for one hour?

TerryTheGreenHorse · 18/02/2015 20:08

No you are not being unreasonable. And ignore the pissy comments OP, plus I don't see the relevance at all if she is his biological daughter it's still as rude as fuck.

And no, really a grown adult man shouldn't have all the say in the day, your daughter is EIGHT and you've said she picked it.

Stickerrocks · 18/02/2015 20:08

I'd quite happy work upstairs rather than spend an hour with 14 unrelated little girls. The key issue is whether your DD minded him making fleeting appearances.

Original poster

Bravenewworld1 · 18/02/2015 20:10

sorry I made a mistake in original post the party was from 1 to 3-

OP posts:

Fairylea · 18/02/2015 20:11

What on earth is going on with the first few replies?! Even if the dd isn't his own dd you'd think that a step parent should bloody well make the effort to make an appearance for a birthday party!

Op he was unreasonable. He should want to take part for the sake of your dd. He sounds like a right miserable git.

TerryTheGreenHorse · 18/02/2015 20:13

Unrelated little girls invited around for his daughters bloody party!

Make an effort. Jesus.

Mintyy · 18/02/2015 20:13

Yanbu.

I feel very sorry for your dd and for you too.

But on the upside it sounds like you gave her a brilliant party and you should be proud of yourself for that.

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