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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't like your attitude

126 replies

Paddleslowly · 18/02/2015 18:22

Ds and I are on holiday the trip of a lifetime staying with family as a very generous present. Ds doesn't want to go home but I politely said to him that we have to go home as things are not that simple. He replies back " well they never are with you" I was fuming and got up to go into the kitchen and he said " night" in such a nasty tone whilst he sat there still on the sofa. Is it me or is this him pushing his luck he has upset me with his shit attitude!

OP posts:
Cantbelievethisishappening · 18/02/2015 19:25

Andrew
Absolute bullshit. Hmm
The assumption that it will 'inevitably get worse' is an assumption that teens cannot be parented to ensure they do not behave like this, or THINK they can behave like this with impunity simply because they are teens.
Have you actually read all the posts by the OP?
I'm sorry but no, this is not 'nothing' by any stretch of the imagination.

Original poster
Paddleslowly · 18/02/2015 19:27

If I'm honest yes it is almost boardering on nasty and bullying behaviour. Exp was verbally abusive and intimidating and still is even though we split many years ago. And I guess that is what hurts so much that maybe but I sincerely hope not that DS has those traits. Although he never saw his father do it he used to put his palm up in my face. And that's why this cannot be let go

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 18/02/2015 19:27

No don't let it go, not even once. You really do need to tell him what is and what is not acceptable behaviour. I can't believe you haven't addressed this already with him.

This is what you need to do now. Next time he wants something from you tell him no. Say quite calmly that you do not feel like doing him a favour as he has been repeatedly unkind and disrespectful towards you.

Start cutting off his privileges if his behaviour doesn't improve. It will probably get worse before it gets better as he kicks back against the sudden boundaries. But if you don't do this, he will just get worse and worse.

Topseyt · 18/02/2015 19:28

Criticism of your appearance is something I would counter by saying: "I am very well aware of how I look thank you. I am happy with it and I don't care what your opinion is. If you are embarrassed then so be it. I won't disappear to suit you".

If he photographs you for any such reason then confiscate his phone / camera until he can be bothered to behave himself better.

YouTheCat · 18/02/2015 19:31

Let it go now at your peril because this 'milder' behaviour is going to escalate the more he gets away with it.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 18/02/2015 19:32

Can you say ' Do fuck off dear' to a 12 year old Grin

Original poster
Paddleslowly · 18/02/2015 19:34

I actually did go off to my room and just stayed there. I didn't feel comfortable to still sit there with him after the "Night" comment. He showed no fucking remorse in his shit attitude. I'm an easy going mum and I realise things are changing for him body wise, school wise and so on. I deserve a modicum of respect seem as I'm his mum it's not asking to much. He does wamy a present he picked out but no way on earth is he getting it now

OP posts:
championnibbler · 18/02/2015 19:35

you need to take charge here.
he's acting like a spoilt brat.

Fairenuff · 18/02/2015 19:35

You deserve a lot more than a modicum of respect OP. Don't hide in your room, send him to his!

YouTheCat · 18/02/2015 19:36

No to the present definitely.

Also I'd be pointing out how rude he is being and asking for an apology every single time, especially if it's in front of his friends.

hmc · 18/02/2015 19:38

"I would of (sic) knocked him into the middle of next week" - dear God CountingThePennies, I hope your children have ChildLine on speed dial

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/02/2015 19:41

There is no way in hell I would tolerate that kind of behaviour from a 12 year old.

Who does he think he's talking to?

I would suggest taking on board the feelings he has created in you and go forward with a plan to knock him back down a little.

Does he have a phone?. take it off him.
Take off the WiFi , watch him howl like a baby.
Does he like seeing his mates? ground him.

Act harder than a coffin nail otherwise he'll walk all over you.

You are his Mother and he needs to respect you.

Topseyt · 18/02/2015 19:44

You are letting him have too much power perhaps.

If I had not intended going to my room when he said "night" so rudely then I would bloody well have stayed put because no child of mine tries to dictate to me and gets away with it. I would have planted myself in the same room and refused to budge. He would have been the one to go and I would have made that crystal clear to him.

VioletMoon4683 · 18/02/2015 19:45

Play hard ball with him. You are not a hotel. If he's being rude stop cooking for him, washing his clothes, stop giving him pocket money, down grade his phone. When he's consistently polite, you will happily resume all the above.

Original poster
Paddleslowly · 18/02/2015 19:45

He's gone beyond being a spoiled brat it feels like he's dictatating to me. Apparently when I go to the shops and happen to come home with a magazine. I get " how come you get something and I get nothing"? Or today he had to sit in the front of staying with relatives car because I've had my turn and it's his now or it's not fair. I feel as if I'm the sodding kid and he's the adult and I'm trying to hold back going nuclear on him

OP posts:
VioletMoon4683 · 18/02/2015 19:47

Can you do what I've just suggested?

There's no way you should be taking turns to sit in the back seat of the car. You're the adult!

SpringTimeIsComing · 18/02/2015 19:47

There is no way I would tolerate being spoken to the way your DS has spoken to you and I have three children. One is grown up, one is 17 and the other 14. If my 14 year old had dared speak to me the way your DS has he'd expect to be in serious trouble. Fair enough he's a teenager but there is no excuse for disrespect. Rod and back come to mind.

ChipDip · 18/02/2015 19:49

Don't excuse him under the 'he's in the teenage phase' nonsense because I know a lot of teens who do not behave this way. He's so rude and disrespectful to you. He does sound like a brat tbh.
He treats you as if you are his friend or another teen rather than his parent. You need to show him that you are the parent and he listens to you not the other way around. Stamp out this shitty behaviour now before he's 15/16 and then it's worse. Take away all his gadgets and privileges and make him earn that back.

SpringTimeIsComing · 18/02/2015 19:50

I've had my turn and it's his now or it's not fair

It sounds as if he doesn't see you as a parent but as a friend. Personally I would put up with his comments and he'd be shot down in flames.

Ps he is dictating to you!

Cantbelievethisishappening · 18/02/2015 19:50

hmc

Helpful Hmm
I think you may be picking at nits.

Topseyt · 18/02/2015 19:53

You are the parent. Stop letting him dictate.

YOU sit in the front of every car. He goes in the back. If he tries to refuse then the trip is cancelled until he backs down.

If he criticises you for buying a magazine tell him it is because you are in charge here and what you say is what goes.

Do not let it go, and stop letting him walk all over you.

TeenAndTween · 18/02/2015 19:54
  1. label behaviour as rude, and it should have a consequence if not apologised for (e.g. phone removal) but also
  2. empathise with not wanting to go home rather than arguing "yes, it would be nice to stay here wouldn't it?"
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/02/2015 19:54

Going nuclear might not be such a bad thing, better than being passive and doing as he tells you.

Does he see his Dad on a regular basis?

Fairenuff · 18/02/2015 19:55

Why do you agree to his demands though OP?

Original poster
Paddleslowly · 18/02/2015 19:55

I will take his either his iPad/iPhone away tomorrow. It's a bit difficult to stop the wifi as we are staying in our relatives house whilst on holiday. And it wouldn't be fair to them to cause an atmosphere. Although I know I will get the eyeballs in the back of my head glares from him. He hates it when he gets stuff taken away from him because "they are mine not yours"
He's 12 and a rude nightmare already I'm not looking forward to 13

OP posts: