To think that when you've got a trail of people in your past who you've fallen out with, chances are your the one with the issue?

[JellyDiamonds]

I am referring to a specific person here. Doesn't speak to various family member due to a falling out, fair enough it happens. But this person has also fallen out with numerous friends over the years, has many acrimonious and broken relationships and has either walked out of or been sacked from every single job they've ever had.

This person has a real woe is me attitude, "it's not fair, everyone I meet turns on me", but the thing is not hard to see why. They are overbearing, bossy, they undermine people, take offence over the most ridiculous things, hold grudges etc. I've also witnessed some rather unpleasant behaviour regarding this person completely freezing someone else out for no other reason than the fact they dared to disagree on something. The other person was genuinely distraught over this and still is. But the protagonist in this story is playing the victim once again....

As someone who can count on one hand the number of people I've genuinely fallen out with in my 30 years on this earth and I'm going right back to childhood, and as someone who also can't be arsed with grudges, I think it's unlikely in this scenario that the other people are the ones to blame.

Apologies for being cryptic but I'm taking about someone specific here.

YANBU!! 100%! These people drive me insane.

I also know someone like this. We have lived here for 8 years now and she has had so many friendship groups and dramas in that time. I could never understand it until I became more friendly with her myself (she was running out of people so I had to do) and realised that she's a scheming, lying, social engineer who manipulates everyone and every situation. I took a major step back and thank god. She's on another new group of victims now, one has just been cast aside and its only a matter of time before they see her for what she is. But of course its not her fault, it's everyone else.

Oh god I feel foul of a "friend" like this last year. I'm so glad, because it was quite stressful being her friend. She had very high expectations of everyone and when they behaved, you know, normally (IE not putting her first) she took it as a slight on her person and a dramatic fall out ensued.

After I had a baby and was planning my wedding I want able to put as much effort into or friendship. Surprise surprise, she never once made the effort to see me, and had the audacity to fall out with me for "causing a shitstorm" on Facebook. I made one status bemoaning how people reveal themselves if you allow them space to do so. Not wise of me but she went apoplectic, citing how I clearly didn't care about her anymore (I didn't see her much but we chatted every day, I sent her small gifts I thought she'd like and I have a life!) and I've not seen hide nor hair of her since.

Life is calm now. Aaaah.

This thread and the truisms within is why I ALWAYS take the 'school mums are all bitches/horrible woman trying to push me out of friendship group' threads on here with a pinch of salt - and raise an eyebrow when posters come piling on with 'they sound awful/what a bunch of cows'.

I always think that if people are trying to distance themselves from someone there is very often good reason and that person needs to look in the mirror.

goodness me so many typos.

I wasn't able
I fell foul.

If you wake up every morning in a sewer the question to ask is "how did I get here?" Not "why is the world made of shit?"

My mum is like this.

She has fallen out with practically all of her friends over the years, and spends her time slagging them off to anyone who'll listen so I'm not surprised people get pissed off with her.

About 90% of what comes out of her mouth is bitchiness. When I call her on it she says it's ok as long as she's saying it to me and not to the person she's slagging off . Like going on and on about how funny looking her ex friends granddaughter is. If I wasn't her daughter I wouldn't want to have anything to do with her.

She totally can't see it though, she thinks a great deal of herself so therefore it must be everyone else.

Agree totally momdirection - I moved to a new town a few years ago and met another 'incomer'. We made friends at the gym and had a coffee occasionally - within weeks I had joined clubs, started volunteering, made friends at the school gate , joined the PTA, Church etc etc. This other 'friend' met no one and did nothing except the gym ....... I included her in outings with other friends, suggested volunteering opportunities etc - but she wasn't interested at all yet constantly complained that 'she had no friends and no one liked her' - needless to say our 'friendship' dwindled as she made no effort whatsoever.

There is absolutely nothing special about me - other than the ability to get off my backside and get involved in things ................. but even here on Mumsnet I do feel a little about the number of people who say they can't make friends.

I had a very close friend like this I stuck with for decades as she had had a hard time as a child and on occasion she could be very sweet. I felt bound to her by our shared history and too guilty to 'leave' her as she was single and didnt have any other female friends despite presenting as being the life and soul. I felt bad as she didon't have a relationship and kids which I have, and she said she desperately wanted, so I made (a crazy amount) of allowances for shit behaviour out of guilt. Then she got married and had DC, found a great job etc and carried on exactly as before! She behaved dreadfully if not feeling in charge of every detail of my life, and as I got older I just couldn't stand it any more. I went low and then no contact and she badmouthed me to everyone who knows me. They all wanted us to get back in touch as she apparently missed me so much and it was such a waste of all those years of friendship she couldnt understand my decision etc etc. But I wasn't about to give up the peace I had found to make the friendship group happy though, so I don't see any of them any more. Ten years clear. Thank god. Occasionally I miss the shared history and in jokes and then I remember the years of manipulation and bullying I was too unconfident to stand up to. With my DC now I really try to teach them about what being a good friend is and what having a group of good friends should be like as a basic life skill!

Intrestiong to read this thread and OP, YABU.

I knew someone like this - we had a friendship over a few years and she always was poor me, 'friends' always dump me and leave me. I now know why! Despite supporting her endlessly with not just emotional support but helping her financially and treating her (stupid me!), she just one day turned on me.

To this day, I have no idea why, and don't really care, but at the time it was very puzzling. One day I think she just got bored of me (and had probably got out of me all she could) and just started ignoring me. I imagined she was going through yet another trauma so I gave her some space before, after a few weeks, asking if everything was OK and saying I wondered what was going on. Well! She responded and was just really rude and unpleasant, for no reason, so I stepped away and that was the best thing I ever did!

Every time before when we had had a spat, I would always be the one to smooth things over, apologise (even when I wasn't at fault, but I am one to work at keeping the piece) but sometimes enough is enough. I may be easygoing but I am no mug and this girl did me a favour as I no longer have her in my life and it's a huge relief. It also explains what she always said about friends always leaving her. I'm not surprised if that's how you treat your friends!

I know someone like this (I think we all do). The person I know is quite an extreme case. In every job she went to the people were horrible and mean to her. Everybody she met in other areas of life was also, apparently, horrible and mean to her. She always imagines people are talking about her behind her back, and the most innocuous remark is taken as an insult. She loses her temper quickly. She blames everyone. In her 50s, she doesn't, afaik, have a single friend.

A while back I read a description of someone with borderline personality disorder and it fitted this person exactly. One of the saddest things of course is she doesn't think anything is wrong with her (everyone else is to blame) so she will never seek treatment.

I've known a few people like this to varying degrees. Another defining feature is their kindness and generosity, which is followed by an expectation that you'll return the "favour" (that you probably didn't ask for, want or need) ten-fold, at a time of their choosing and woe-betide you if you are unable to do so!

One of them took personal offence at the way the stairs inside the Eiffel Tower were laid out

Minshu, yes I know that type also.... you 'owe' them. I had a friend like this.. constantly falling out with people over little things (usually them not doing her bidding) and behaving to them in the most appalling way, but it was always her who was the victim. Friends last about 18 months before they transgress. My transgression was when she suggested lunch on a Saturday I said I was seeing so and so so could we do lunch on the sunday instead. Cue hysteria, repeated messages on my machine saying I had betrayed her. E-mail after e-mail detailing every little things she had ever done for me, with the exact words 'you owe me' and so on. I tried to talk to her about it but gave up with a sense of relief as the friendship had been suffocating and I had been trying to extract myself anyway.

That was about 8-9 years ago, and she recently contacted me and suggested we meet for coffee. Dh sniffed and said that she had run out of friends so was trying to recycle.

Oddly enough her history was all filled with dramas and falling out with her family, leaving jobs because people were so mean, having spats with the neighbours and sending solicitors letters all over the place because people looked at her funny. But it was never her, it was always she was a victim.

Yes I've worked with a lady like this - lots of short-term roles on her CV. She goes off on one at the slightest thing. I think if you are exceptional at your job a lot of employers will overlook it, but thing is, she wasn't that great at her job either. That said, she's been in her most recent role for at least 3 years so she's obviously doing ok there.

Also I interviewed someone the other week. I had reservations because she'd had lots of short-term roles - but my boss had seen her and liked her. I met her with another colleague and we both thought no - far too much oversharing of personal stuff in the interview. I'd have gone with her if she'd done a good work assessment (a test we set for all candidates) but she didn't so my decision was made easy for me. But she sent my boss two long emails about how she didn't feel the recruitment process was fair etc (same for everyone and someone else has just started and commented on how lovely he thought we were during the interview process - different perceptions I guess). I think my initial unease about all the short-term jobs was justified.

And I had a boss who was the nightmare from hell. In three years, out of a team of 8 people she got rid of, or tried to get rid of 4 of them. After I left, another long-standing colleague fell out with her and left. But of course it was her not us! You have to wonder why HR are so spineless in these situations.

I've not really come across it in personal life. Except my father - everyone else is an idiot and he doesn't ever have to apologise for anything.

This is my mother. An Emotionally stunted women with no real friends (and considering she's lived in the same area for nearly all her life, that's shocking) . All family members are bored of the childish dramatics and she takes exception to the most slightest non issues. I dont ever want to be like her.

Ooops, I meant, OP YANBU as opposed to you are!

Yes op I think everyone knows 'that person' it's sad really.

Can't comment on the individuals in this posts - we all know people we find awful to deal with - but I disagree with the premise in the OP.

This sort of branding of people as "difficult" or as "having an issue" is a way for groups to isolate individuals who don't conform. ( Whistle blowers, campaigners, those standing up for what they believe is right against the "sheep").

My niece was bullied at school - horribly - she was "the one with the issues" - yet put her in her new school, and her university, and her workplace, (she is mid twenties now) and never had a problem since.

So YANBU to say all people like your family member are the problem. (Although they may or may not be in a specific situation)

Engeika, I think you've missed the point a little. Your niece clearly had problems with some really nasty bullies. If the problem had actually been her behaviour then that would have continued throughout schools, unis and work etc.

Having said that, there are people who seem to be targets for bullies. But I think the kind of people the OP is talking about are actually often the ones doing the bullying who then make themselves into the 'victim' when they are called on their behaviour.

Definitely. I said this exact same thing about an ex-friend the other day.

She's fallen out with her family members, her in-laws, her friends and colleagues and I just wonder if she'll ever realise that she's the common factor.

In my case I moved to a new area and ended up being 'friends' with her and a few others and gradually she became more and mor overbearing and opinionated. She then got a new job earning lots of money and she went into overdrive, arranging nights we couldn't afford, giving us financial advice, criticising everyone she knew and their children. I dreaded spending time with her, but really loved the other girls. It culminated in an argument one night when I couldn't take anymore and I haven't spoken to her since.

I just know she probably tells people I was jealous of her job or money or something, but she really couldn't be further from the truth!

Such a relief not to have her in my life anymore!

You know my mother then?

Wow, I unfortunately, have had the misfortune to know someone EXACTLY like this.

She had not 1 friend but me (she latched on to me, in almost stalker like fashion), was nc with all her family, except her DP & DC, rang me several times a day, every day! She used to refer to her or me as we, as if we were one person!! I have never known anyone but her criticise everybody else on every micro aspect of their life but had a pathological hatred of anyone knowing any of her business. She took no responsibility for her or her DC actions whatsoever & was/is the parent always in school complaining about her DC being bullied.

Then one day, she just started ignoring me (I was bloody relieved!!) but I had/have no idea what my supposed 'crime' was but she looks at me like I'm shit on her shoe

Since then, she has had a couple of new BFFs but has now fallen out with them & speaks to no one but the sad result of this is her DC has real behavioural problems (nothing is their fault!), is violent to other children & is completely isolated at school with no friends

These people are slightly amusing on Facebook though.... ;-) anyone agree, or am I being horrendously horrible?

Yanbu.

My mother has fallen out with every neighbour she's ever had, every boss she's ever had, a lot of her friendships end with a massive falling out after a few years. She frequently ends up in screaming matches with people while out and about, walking the dog, etc.

Says she's fed up with all the nasty, rude people in the world.