To ask you what you think children need

[Walktwoworlds]

It's so difficult to know how to word this thread.

What - for YOU - are the things you feel you must provide for a child?

Own room? Savings account for flat deposit / university / car? Holidays? Music / riding / dancing lessons? Private school?

I just don't know ... I worry a lot about being skint poor and not being able to ever give a child the childhood I had if that makes sense and feels unfair

Most people of childbearing age now are not going to be able to provide their children with the same material advantages they may have had themselves growing up. It is depressing, but things have changed.

OP, are you asking what people feel they should be able to provide as a condition for having children? As in, if I can't provide abc I will not have children? I am just thinking that obviously the things you mention are desirable or ideal for most people, but that very few people would rather not have had their children/rather not have been born, than go without those things.

What I want for my dc (in addition to the 'obvious' love, security, decent food etc) are the things I didn't have.

Enough money in the household - I don't want them to ever have to sit in the dark because the electric's gone, or hide in the kitchen because the provy woman's knocking - both things I had to do.

A decent home that they're not ashamed to bring friends to.

Decent clothes that they don't get made fun of for.

Holidays.

Extracurricular stuff - swimming, football, karate

The opportunity to go on any and every school trip they want

Financial assistance with a starter car and home

Love, security, my time and the knowledge that I will always be there for them to listen and help. My two also need boundaries and consistency. My sons know I love them unconditionally.

I am very fortunate to be living comfortably with three DC. Of the two that go to school, both attend private schools. We live in a nice house, with nice cars, a pool and a lot of land, we go on holiday every year and we can afford to buy things for the DC. But we don't spoil them with gifts as all children really need is love and affection and a safe upbringing, no matter the background you come from and no matter your income.

I think children deserve some privileges though, such as nice clothes, toys and a few electronics.

Dependency and a mother and father who put them first. The other things are nice and dd will prob go to private school and play music etc but if she doesn't have the love and support from her parents then it is meaningless

I think the best thing really is security and stability. Parents who don't burden their children with their own worries and issues. Who are the safe solid dependable adults and do not treat their child like a friend to confide in.

Although it is nice to be able to give material things I think it is becoming increasingly hard. But I do think of you give your kids a secure start with love and solid support as well as encouraging their independence and awareness of how their actions impact others then there is a good chance they will be successful regardless of how much money you give them.

Also inspiring them to aim for something in life, whether that's univeristy or an apprenticeship or whatever else but something that makes them realise from a young age that you expect them to work hard and get results ((within their capabilities of course). I didn't have a private education or any helping hands but did incredibly well at school and uni and jobs simply because I was driven and worked hard and wouldn't give up. The ability to manage your own life is the best gift a parent can give

Your time, unconditional love, security and lots of happy memories!
Also positivity and a sense of humour to make the hard times not so hard

Absolutely essential is to make them feel loved and wanted. Ideally they need stability and consistency. Somewhere safe to live. IMO sharing a room, wearing hand me downs, not having holidays are all fine.

cake and cuddles

Materially, and this is a bit more of a 'want' list as opposed to a strict 'must' list - a lot of this is influenced by what we had (or didn't have):

• decent outerwear (shoes, coats, rucksacks)
• trips out (not necessarily paid for, but things like museums, events)
• to be 'spoiled'/treated on occasion
• the opportunity to take on a hobby if they want to
• diverse food, the chance to try things that are more expensive
• own rooms by the time they get to puberty/pre-puberty
• financial help during uni for living costs, books etc
• to be able to pay for their weddings
• travel, as they get older it would be nice to take them to different countries
• pay for their driving lessons and tests as soon as they are old enough
• a tutor if they want help with a subject or exams
• financial support if they want to do internships or similar that are unpaid/very low pay in order to progress their careers
• to pay for further study, like a Masters degree
• to buy them a first home, like a small flat or house

As the list goes on it becomes more of a wish list, but we honestly would like to, if we could, provide pretty much everything for them even when they leave home - as in, to set them up when they leave, not provide absolutely everything until we die. The trick is teaching them not to be entitled if we could do that! Btw we can't even buy a home for ourselves, so the big things are very much in dream territory

Not materially - I just want them to feel loved, to feel like they can do anything, to feel entirely comfortable with us, for us to have a good relationship where we can be honest and laugh and cry with each other. And I would like them to have practical skills, common sense, and a relaxed approach (but to work hard at what needs to be done).

Unfortunately due to globalisation, life is going to be very competitve for our children's generation in 20 years time. I know all children need love, shelter, a clean house, to be taught basic hygiene, clean, well fitting clothes so important for self esteem to be able to fit in.

We don't have much money but I want my dd's to grow up with choices when they reach work-force age. They may decide to work in Tesco, train to become a doctor or travel the world but I want them to make that decision for themselves but if they do decide to become eg a doctor I want them to be armed with the tools to make it happen.
Ideally I would like to be able for them to
-learn to speak a foreign language to fluency(not tourist level like I learned in school
-be well-adjusted enough to fit in to any situation so I guess soft skills are very important in that regard
-travel broadens the mind so would like them to experience the world
-spend whatever we can afford on fun educational days out
-learn an instrument(I would have loved to but we could never afford it)

But I agree with all the posters above that the basics of a calm, safe, clean house with 2 parents who love them & treat them with kindness & respect is most important of all everything else is a bonus x

On a side note my dd1 took Julia Donaldson's Paper Dolls from the library this week, we have read it several times & each time I well up, all I want is to be that kind mammy sitting drinking her tea with her little girl making paper dolls & happy memories that last a lifetime xxx

I haven't been able to provide what I wanted my DC to have, i.e a big house with their own bedrooms and ensuites, horse riding lessons, holidays abroad every year, a dog (sorry I absolutely cannot pick up dog shit!), grandparents and extended family who are interested in them and remember their birthdays........

I have learnt (luckily while mine are all relatively young) that the single most important thing that children need is to feel important and that they matter. It is through feeling that I was not important or mattered to my parents (my 'father' pissed off when I was 6/7, then my mother had more DC with my stepfather and only remembered I existed when she needed project her hatred of my father onto me) that I did not bother with school work, under achieved in my career and have not taken care of myself physically or emotionally.