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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to make up a fake dating profile as another person blocked me from contacting them?

117 replies

Mermaidhair · 18/02/2015 08:23

I have joined an Internet dating site. I have been receiving a lot of interest but only one has taken my fancy. Organised to chat over Skype. We spoke for 1 hour the first time, very easily it felt like 10 mins. It is hard to make me laugh, but he had me in stitches. Phone call only ended as I had an appointment. Second phone call 2 hours same thing. I am very new to Internet dating, and was doing some research and read a lot about scams. My profile says I am a widow( which I am) apparently I am a target. Anyway I thought I would test to see if this guy was keen, and seemed legit. Well it backfired on me. Was all by instant messaging, sort of said I am not to sure, tried to back away a bit. He said he was devastated, that he really really liked me etc. He seems to tick all of my boxes and there was an instant attraction, heart flutters. You know when there is chemistry. He then sent a message to say goodluck with my search etc, then blocked me. Well that didn't go according to plan. I have left it a few days, can't get him out of my head. I asked God for a sign today about if I should try to pursue things. He is a fireman, ( sexy I know) anyway I got off the train and there was a fire and like 4 fire engines there. I took that as a sign. So I have made up another fakeish profile( my photo etc) so I could send him a message explaining the situation. It's done now so not much I can do but wondering AIBU, or is it follow your heart, you only live once sort of thing? If anyone's interested I will update as things progress

OP posts:
Nerf · 18/02/2015 09:07

Oh op you poor thing. Horrible to have lost your dh and then be trying this weird world of OD. Don't worry , it sounds as though you weren't really up to dating again. Have a [tea] and a giggle at what your dh would say about you and technology or something similar. Be kind to yourself, find a girlfriend to have a fun couple of hours with.

Kleptronic · 18/02/2015 09:07

Mermaidhair I am sorry for your loss.

It was a bit crackers to have done that player stuff, but so it goes. Don't mind us vipers, some of us can be very snippy when it come to honesty, there's a lot of players about.

Take care of yourself and take it easy next time. Smile

Original poster
Mermaidhair · 18/02/2015 09:07

Will definitely be marking it up as experience. I think I will try again in 12 months.

OP posts:
MargotLovedTom · 18/02/2015 09:08

Some nasty responses on here. Move on OP, ignore the nasty twats and you will find happiness eventually.

SummerHouse · 18/02/2015 09:08

Mermaid you sound like a lovely and loving person. This alleged fireman has totally overreacted in blocking you. Makes me think he is not legitimate. You have done nothing wrong at all. I think if all the posters here had a think they could come up with something worse they have done. I once called someone in the early hours and his sister answered so I hung up. Then I felt bad and called her back to explain. Utter cringeworthy experience. What you did was nothing at all. I hope you find someone. I do think there are a lot of dead ends in internet dating and I hope your lovely delicate heart can take it. I think you might need a different approach.

ClockwiseCat · 18/02/2015 09:09

Totally disgusted at some of these responses. Did all of the obnoxious repliers miss the bit where the OP said she is a widow?

I'm sorry for your loss OP Thanks 12 months is not very long at all and the whole process of meeting someone else will bring up all sorts of emotions. Do you have any support with this? E.g. counselling, a trusted friend who understands?

With online dating it is very easy to get carried away by long chats etc online. As a general rule aim to meet up in real life fairly quickly. It might be worth checking out some of the threads on Relationships about OD. Be aware that your loss makes you vulnerable and try to keep your feet on the ground. As the ladies on Relationships like to say, coming on very strong at the start can sometimes be how abusive men suck people in. Of course it can also be a sign that someone genuinely likes you :)

JoMunroTriesAgain · 18/02/2015 09:11

Mermaid be kind to yourself. And well done for coming here for a sanity check - though you got ripped to shreds a bit too Grin.

Hope the shredding hasn't put you off coming back. Take your time grieving. Try to move on from the fireman. And have some Brew and Flowers

Branleuse · 18/02/2015 09:14

pretend it didnt happen. Weve all done cringey things. Brush yourself down and be kind to yourself. I think youre not ready for things like that, and thats ok. You've been through a lot xx

laughingmyarseoff · 18/02/2015 09:18

Op if you aren't in the right frame of mind for online dating it can screw with your head a bit. I've seen several friends jump in quick and been burned so just be pragmatic but open. Maybe give it a few weeks? Dont give yourself a hard time, everyone tucks up online dating at least once or gets played, at least you knew something was off and asked.

Im sorry about your dh, I hope you are ok.

londonrach · 18/02/2015 09:19

Have sent you a pm op and have asked mn to watch this as think this is going to get nasty as no one reading the whole post. Op suggest you stop reading, go and see some friends and have chocolate. Works for me so hoping works for you. When i think of the things ive done that are stupid. Its human to do silly things. Lots of hugs xxxxxxxx

Original poster
Mermaidhair · 18/02/2015 09:19

I am ok with the comments I got, I am the most understanding, forgiving person. I know it's either they haven't read the whole thread or they are trying to be super blunt. I to have said not very nice things to people but have learnt to be more compassionate as I have gotten older. Will definitely be back!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mermaidhair · 18/02/2015 09:20

Thank you for condolences also. X

OP posts:
Babyhammock · 18/02/2015 09:20

Big hug mermaidhair. I agree wholeheartedly with the poster that said you probably had a narrow escape. All that 'devastated' and then blocking is quite extreme and a big red flag.
You sound like a lovely person so go easy on yourself and if you do start talking to someone else don't get emotionally invested until you know exactly what you're dealing with x

laughingmyarseoff · 18/02/2015 09:20

Fucks up even

Mammanat222 · 18/02/2015 09:22

Did he block you on all forms of media? IE do you have his number?

No harm in sending him a text explaining yourself. Setting up a new / fake profile = crazy stalker territory.

Suzannewithaplan · 18/02/2015 09:22

it takes a while to hone your OD radar!

lottiesatitagain · 18/02/2015 09:27

Don't get upset op. You sound lovely and getting back into the dating game is very hard. I can only imagine what it is like after a bereavement. Next time just be yourself. It will happen for you.

TSSDNCOP · 18/02/2015 09:29

I Mis read it that you though God was a fireman.

Original poster
Mermaidhair · 18/02/2015 09:30

You should have been in my head! All of the super stalker stuff I had planned! I won't say, then you will all think off to the hospital for Mermaid! I had a friend who was a real stalker. She was sleeping with an ex when he was repartnered( she was very early 20). Anyway she kept a log of the times when it happened , what he was wearing, what was in his house etc. then 12 months later when he was moving to the other side of the country she presented this log to his girlfriend! True story, there is another one which is worse!

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 18/02/2015 09:31

People are just trying to shock you into realising how out of order it was to create a fake profile, without perhaps considering that you aren't thinking clearly about this as you are still grieving your husband.
Take care of yourself and maybe wait a bit longer before dating again. The Internet waters are full of sharks and you need a thick skin to repel them.

Mrsbird311 · 18/02/2015 09:35

Well obviously we need to hear the second story mermaid, oh the horrific stalkery shameful things I have done in the past!! Cring!!

mildlyacquiescent · 18/02/2015 09:36

It's only been 12 months? No wonder you're a bit all over the place. Be kind to yourself. Flowers

TSSDNCOP · 18/02/2015 09:37

But no harm has been done, he hasn't opened the fake message and you've deleted it and had your arse handed to you

Chalk it up to experience OP. I've got friends that OD and have gone far more nuts than you.

You have to admit that thinking a fuck off fire as a sign to your OD is a bit funny.

Suzannewithaplan · 18/02/2015 09:40

?
Fake profiles are de rigueur in OD
Because everyone is fake in OD
Men are all 10 years younger and 3 inches taller
All photos are at least 5 years old
People behave very badly because they can?

BreakOutTheKaraoke · 18/02/2015 09:44

Mermaid Hate to say this to you, but you are in NO WAY ready for internet dating. It is a horrible place to be at times, honestly awful, and you need a really thick skin to get through it. You need to have a keen nose to smell out the bullshitters, who are just after a one nighter and are willing to say anything to get it. You need to be able to brush off sending a message to someone you think you will really get on with, then nothing back. You need to be able to read a profile and KNOW that they are hiding something, and get well away.

I would honestly suggest that you find a better way to get back out there- somewhere where you get to know a person before jumping back into dating. Join a running club or something of that kind! You need to take care of yourself first of all.