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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to make up a fake dating profile as another person blocked me from contacting them?

117 replies

Mermaidhair · 18/02/2015 08:23

I have joined an Internet dating site. I have been receiving a lot of interest but only one has taken my fancy. Organised to chat over Skype. We spoke for 1 hour the first time, very easily it felt like 10 mins. It is hard to make me laugh, but he had me in stitches. Phone call only ended as I had an appointment. Second phone call 2 hours same thing. I am very new to Internet dating, and was doing some research and read a lot about scams. My profile says I am a widow( which I am) apparently I am a target. Anyway I thought I would test to see if this guy was keen, and seemed legit. Well it backfired on me. Was all by instant messaging, sort of said I am not to sure, tried to back away a bit. He said he was devastated, that he really really liked me etc. He seems to tick all of my boxes and there was an instant attraction, heart flutters. You know when there is chemistry. He then sent a message to say goodluck with my search etc, then blocked me. Well that didn't go according to plan. I have left it a few days, can't get him out of my head. I asked God for a sign today about if I should try to pursue things. He is a fireman, ( sexy I know) anyway I got off the train and there was a fire and like 4 fire engines there. I took that as a sign. So I have made up another fakeish profile( my photo etc) so I could send him a message explaining the situation. It's done now so not much I can do but wondering AIBU, or is it follow your heart, you only live once sort of thing? If anyone's interested I will update as things progress

OP posts:

WannaBe · 18/02/2015 08:43

and they say the internet is full of weird men.... op, the internet is full of game players and you are one of them. And you lost, clearly he has come across his own quota of freaks and decided that you weren't as genuine as he thought so he did what any normal person would do - he got rid. You really shouldnn't be online dating.

Groovee · 18/02/2015 08:44

I think you have to accept this one you have lost and the ship has sailed. You really hurt him and he has a right to privacy. He blocked you for a reason.

laughingmyarseoff · 18/02/2015 08:46

Sounds too intense and stalker like, all you will do is make him glad he blocked earlier. Don't test people, it's rude and controlling, let their actions speak the truth.

I thought this was a joke or movie reference!

Suzannewithaplan · 18/02/2015 08:48

?
I think posters are being unfair to the OP, it's easy to get carried away when you first start OD, you can develop what seems like an intense and meaningful relationship with someone you've never actually met. Especially on 'casual' dating sites men heavily outnumber women and so women feel flattered by the large amount of male attention.

The whole thing can be a bit of a headfuck for all parties! ?

FightOrFlight · 18/02/2015 08:51

If all of this is true then he seems like he's overreacted a bit by blocking you. Doesn't sound like a particularly mature bloke - then again, it depends on what you said to "test" him.

I assume you mean he's not only blocked your profile but blocked you on Skype/his phone number so you have no means of contacting him.

Chalk this one down to experience and move on. There's no guarantee he's even a fireman, he could be an unemployed 50-something living at home with his mum for all you really know.

Rinkydinkypink · 18/02/2015 08:51

Leave it, move on and lighten up! Have fun with it all otherwise your going to become a looney.

Stop asking god for signs. Maybe learn to listen to yourself more and respect other people's choices. You can't force people to do things!

BlinkAndMiss · 18/02/2015 08:52

I'm confused - what do you mean by 'tested' him? Did you ask him outright if he was trying to scam you? And what do you mean he was 'devastated'?

Of course there are people out there, especially on internet dating sites, who are not genuine. But the key is to suss them out in time, you can't just go accusing everyone of trying to scam you. As annoying as it is that you got it wrong this time, you can't start stalking him. If he hadn't blocked you, and the channels of communication were still open then I'd have messaged him in a few weeks - but he blocked you, that's pretty cut and dried as to how he feels.

You can't win them all especially when you accuse people of being something they aren't.

Oh, and what Icimoi said.

georgepigsdinosaur · 18/02/2015 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Mermaidhair · 18/02/2015 08:53

Even though the responses aren't as I would like I am glad I have posted. Sometimes you get carried away in your own head. No have never ever stalked before! The last person I have ever liked is in heaven, don't worry I didn't put him there! I guess I am still in a bit of head grieving mucked up shit. Fuck my face is red I feel so embarrassed reading these! Well at least I now realise! Back to the psychologist.

OP posts:

WD41 · 18/02/2015 08:53

So, you've got on with somebody, but then decided to test them, then saw a sign from God, and then set up a fake profile?

He did the right thing running away, you sound completely unhinged

HellKitty · 18/02/2015 08:56

I hope no one was killed in this fire that four engines had to attend. That's some god you have there.
Cuckoo.

lottiesatitagain · 18/02/2015 08:57

From her op I am imagining the test was:

After their second Skype call she decided to message him saying 'I am not sure if I like you' 'there is not really any chemistry for me' etc etc

I am absolutely baffled as to what the purpose of the test was. Perhaps you could enlighten us op?

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 18/02/2015 08:57

Don't be embarrassed. The stories I could tell you of the mortifying things I have done in the name of lurrrve would cheer you right up

YouMeddlingKids · 18/02/2015 08:58

Don't worry OP, getting back into dating is hard and it sometimes takes a bit of practice to get the boundaries right. Next time just take it slow, if someone is out to scam you generally they'll avoid actually meeting up, and will ask you for money. No need to test people, just don't get carried away and don't give anyone your money!

laughingmyarseoff · 18/02/2015 08:59

Maybe not the best time for online dating then op? It can be very rewarding but comes with the risk of being played so you do need to be open but savy and pragmatic too.

NerrSnerr · 18/02/2015 09:00

Give the OP a break, she deleted the profile as soon as people said it would be unreasonable. Don't give up, there will be someone there for you- online dating is like everything and just needs practice.

Good luck.

Mancefridgerayder · 18/02/2015 09:01

Read the OPs last post and give her a break.

Original poster

Mermaidhair · 18/02/2015 09:01

It's definitely deleted, and hadn't been opened. Close one! I am having a little cry now. I really thought I was ready, it's been 12 months. It's funny when I have been thinking of sexy fireman I was imagining my dh, and his face reactions etc. I am most certainly still fucked up! No one was hurt in fire. Thank you for getting me to see sense!

OP posts:

InfinitySeven · 18/02/2015 09:02

So you liked a guy, and he seemed to like you back.

You got cold feet and decided to push him away, telling him you didn't really like him and there wasn't any chemistry.

He was wounded and backed off, but in a gentlemanly way, wishing you the best. He blocked you, because he felt he'd made a fool of himself getting close to you only for you to back off.

You regret getting cold feet, and go to apologise, but find that he has blocked you.

You set up a new profile, using a picture of you, and sending him a message to explain.

You've posted on here afterwards, realised that this was a bad idea, and deleted the profile. So now he'll have a message from you saying that you regret what you did and you do like him, but with no way to respond?

Poor guy has been utterly headfucked. I feel for him! He's probably going to think he's been punkd.

Is the above right? If so, I'd think it suggests that you're not ready for this yet. You were fine up until the point where you both liked each other, and then you sabotaged it. That's not fair on you or the other person.

InfinitySeven · 18/02/2015 09:03

Cross posts. I'm really sorry, OP. Don't cry - it happens to us all at some point!

hopelesslydevotedtoGu · 18/02/2015 09:03

Sorry to hear you are grieving OP. Online dating can be emotionally confusing as you can form intense emotional connections with people you don't know well. I think your whole exchange with this man sounds too intense too soon- from your instant connection, to his 'devastation' when you withdrew and blocking you, to your fake profile. Realistically you have never met and have only spoken for a couple of hours, the emotions are out of proportion to how well you know each other, I think you have both got carried away here.

Now that he has blocked you I would chalk this up to experience. Devastation and blocking someone is too big a reaction to an online after withdrawing. I would actually be quite wary of a relationship with him!

In future don't play games with online dating though, unless you are speaking face to face so much is lost during the communication that they can backfire. Of course do be wary of scams- talk on the phone and meet someone early on, once you are in a relationship meet their friends and family, don't enter into any financial arrangements with them.

Original poster

Mermaidhair · 18/02/2015 09:04

Thank you also to those being so kind x

OP posts:

changeychangechangeychange · 18/02/2015 09:05

Maybe he isnt who he claims to be and cant go through with it? I have a friend (well more friend of friend). She says that she is 43, single and doesnt have children. She is 49 and has 2 and a very complex ongoing relationship with their father. She talks on line- gets load of interest (her photo is at least 10 years old). Really get to like people then bottles it as she has lied her way to where she is. Some people are just a bit weird

Original poster

Mermaidhair · 18/02/2015 09:05

Sorry if I forgot to write, the message I wrote hasn't been opened, I can see if it has been

OP posts:

ILoveMyMonkey · 18/02/2015 09:07

I think you're getting a bit of a rough ride really. You're putting yourself out there after losing your husband, I can't imagine how weird and difficult that is for you . Then on top of everything you heard something which made you question whether this man was genuine and you didn't want to get hurt again, after all you've just lost a great love from your life.

Setting up a second profile probably wasn't the best thing to do but like you said it's done so just forget it now. I think it's ok and not as bad as some people are making it out to be, you explained yourself, presumably you apologised for the test and he knows you're a widow and therefore grieving. I think it only becomes stalky if you continue to contact him from now on.

Be kind to yourself and good luck with your search.

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