to not thank DH when he does the laundry?

[lottytheladybird]

My DS does the laundry once a week or two, just when he has time. I don't always thank him, as I do 95% of the lanudry in our house (with a 2 & 4 year old), and he rarely thanks me when I do the laundry. I don't mind that he doesn't thank me. I don't expect a thank you, but DS doesn't like it if he doesn't get a thank you when he does the laundry. But then why should he get a thank you when he does it, but not when I do it? AIBU not to feel like thanking him?

Um, I try to say a "thank-you" as a courtesy, but I get the annoyance when it isn't how he works.

DS or DH?

How old is your DS. If he's young then a thank you might be nice.

I don't mind doing it with bairns. They have plenty of time to be taken for granted imo. Positive re enforcement and all that.

dh just hung up the landry, crossly initially, bu I am armless > and he has to do It All and I founf myself saying Thanks.
sisters, I let the side down

DS - absolutely you should say thank you, or acknowledge it in someway. DH, no.

think op means dh,
perhaps you could say well done

I'm assuming you mean DH and not your 4-year-old DS doing the laundry

I had this exact thing earlier with DH and the dishes. He washed up a few pots and pans and I went to say "thank you" and stopped myself. I don't think he has ever thanked me for doing anything in the kitchen (apart from actual cooking- the whole family is pretty good at saying thanks for a nice dinner Mum)

Do you mean DH or DS? I would thank DS I think. (My DS is only 4 so haven't had to deal with this yet!).

But with DH, I tend to make a general comment, like 'great' or 'brilliant'. It shows I appreciate the job is done without thanking him specifically.

My DH is like this. I do about 50 washes to his 1. He'll still be talking about his 1 when I've done another three. Quite often he's just hung it out or put it on and not hung it out. I think he's a bit child like and proud that he managed. He hasn't yet mastered the oven. But he's thinking about learning how to at some point.

In the overall scheme of things its not important. DS or DH i'd just say thank you and inwardly giggle.

I don't thank anyone who does laundry in my house but I sure expect thanks from the DSSs if I do theirs!

My OH tells me all the things he done in a kind of list does my head in as I never say "oh I made dinner, did a load of washing, went to work".

YANBU!!

I thank DD for chores. We don't do gushing praise so a thank you is nice.

DH and I thank each other if someone does something 'out of turn'. So, if I do the dishwasher I get thanked and if he folds laundry, he gets thanked. Otherwise it's just running the house.

Ahh husbands are different. If mine does something he doesn't usually do he gives me his head for an exaggerated pat. Makes me chuckle every time.

BTW do you really do at least 10 washes a week? That's scary!

I wouldn't be thanking a DH for doing a household job. Even when I was on maternity leave, while I did the bulk of the household stuff, once DP was home it was shared.

I feel if your DH is expecting to be thanked, he doesn't really feel any of it is for him to do, that it's all yours. Not right, really.

Nah, give him a gold medal or tell him to foxtrot Oscar

We came in from picking up the DDs, it was 5.30 or 5.45 so dinner time, we are having leftovers tonight. I went into the kitchen and started setting things out, getting plates and cutlery etc and where was DH? Slinking into the living room and turning on the TV! I was very annoyed. As if I would sneak off and leave him to sort everything out. I would never do that - at the very very least I would ask if it was ok or if he needed help!

I went into the living room and said simply DH can I have some help please? He got all defensive and said "what why are you being all stroppy, do I detect snarkiness here?" Well, yes, I was feeling 100% snarky and stroppy but wasn't going to admit that for one second or let him have anything to challenge me with, so I said, "no, I am deliberately being very careful to not be stroppy or snarky, I just want some help in the kitchen please". Arrrrrgh it makes me so angry that I have to deal with this bullshit. And look at me trying to defend myself on here by telling everyone that he is unemployed and I am the one working very full time hours these days so should get a bit more of a break at the weekend?!?!

Sorry, just to clarify, I'm talking about DH.

I would thank him. But tbh dh and I always thank each other. Neither one of us takes any chore doing for granted and we both feel that noticing that the other one is engaged and making the effort is important. Probably different in most relationships.

weathergames My DH does that too, and like you say, I don't feel the need to then list out everything I do! He decided to list everything out just today! I think he feels everything I do is just what I should do, but everything that he does is 'extra'.

heartstrumpsdiamonds I can understand exactly how you feel. We often go out at the weekend and come home at around 4pm. I go straight into the kitchen to prepare our dinner, whilst DH goes and sits in the lounge once he's made a cup of tea. It would be so nice if he offered to help in the kitchen...

workingbling I don't have a problem with thanking DH for doing the laundry. I just feel it's wrong for him to get thanks from me, but then not get any thanks from him.

DPand I always thank each other for doing household jobs, esp when it is 'out of turn' ie I empty the bins or the dishwasher

If your DH doesn't thank you for what you do in the home either try and lead by example or sit down for a 'chat'

He's a sexist knob.

I would tell him that you don't need a magical vagina to make the dinner/do the washing etc, nor is his penis so large that it will hamper him doing these tasks. But given that you've been together for ages and this is only just cropping up, that ship might have sailed.

The only answer is to make it perfectly clear to him that you are both equally responsible. So, for example, try doing what he does. You all come in frazzled, hungry etc, he sits down on the sofa. You go and sit on the sofa next to him. See how long it takes him to ask about dinner. Then you can ask what he's making. And if he starts making a fuss about it, that's the time for a row discussion about exactly why it's your job any more than his.

Nope, I don't get thanks for doing household stuff so it doesn't cross my mind to thank DH when he has a go. It's so rare, though, and he makes such a palaver about the whole process he's lucky to not be thwacked about the back of the head with a pan. The children can do laundry with less fuss.