to not thank DH when he does the laundry?

[lottytheladybird]

My DS does the laundry once a week or two, just when he has time. I don't always thank him, as I do 95% of the lanudry in our house (with a 2 & 4 year old), and he rarely thanks me when I do the laundry. I don't mind that he doesn't thank me. I don't expect a thank you, but DS doesn't like it if he doesn't get a thank you when he does the laundry. But then why should he get a thank you when he does it, but not when I do it? AIBU not to feel like thanking him?

I'd thank DH if I'd specifically asked him to do a special wash because I needed something clean and didn't have time to deal with it.

Just for putting on household washing as and when? Nope.

We both often tell each other what we've done household job-wise, if the other's gone out. It's a useful mental guide for what hasn't been done yet. It isn't one-upmanship.

No dh and I don't thank each other for doing laundry. It's never occurred to me tbh.

I'm lolling at "DS" doing the laundry. My 2,5 year old LOVES doing it. If I'm not looking he'll dump about three socks in scoop in about five huge spoonfuls of powder and put it on the extra long setting :(

I guess if the laundry is your job normally and DH is doing it as an extra to be nice then a thank you wouldn't hurt. If he doesn't do his share usually then YANBU at all.

I think if someone does something "nice" it's deserving of thanks. So doing laundry deserves thanks. If it's something that 's not normally your "job" then thanks more deserved. I understand your rationale that DH doesn't thank you for doing laundry - is this because he sees it as your job so just "normal". do you thank him for doing things that are normally his job (I include going out to earn money here, if he does).

DH and I say thanks to each other all the time. For everything. Looking after DD, washing up, taking out bins, laundry, bathroom cleaning, cooking, coming home on time. It's really nice. I get why you don't feel like it when you never get any thanks back though. Sometimes I don't feel like saying it but I do anyway as DH feels appreciated and I try to reflect the behaviour I like, rather than the behaviour that annoys me. Easier said than done, I know.

Dh would like a friggin certificate every time he does something he doesn't normally do!

Drives me scatty!

Thank yous make the world go round. I think it greases the wheels of a marriage to say thank you even for regular chores. Frankly he's BU if he doesn't say thank you to you! And vice versa...

Saying thanks in that situation implies something was done for you. If it's a general household chore then you either both get a thanks or neither.

And if your oh happily sits down while you start dinner, why not just down too and wait for him to comment on when will dinner be ready? Then reply you don't know, does he need a hand with it?

Sure it may be later than ideal but if you just get on with it, there is no incentive for him or appreciation of the prep involved.

My dp and I say thank you to each other for any household take.

Does he thank you for every job you do? No thought not.

I'd insist on thank yous from him all the time, then.
And stop making his food and laundry until they become regular.

Unless he only did your laundry, no thanks are in order.

Why does he say thanks is due to him from you but not to you from him?

A thank you how ridiculous!!

Oh ds I thought it was Dh

He is being a dick.

My DH will say proudly that he has helped and emptied the dishwasher or put the washing in the dryer. I do say thank you, think it is funny. I do the washing about 10 + times a week, and the dishwasher at least once a day. No one thanks me.

I say thank you for a meal but wouldn't thank DP for doing the laundry/changing a nappy/loading the dishwasher. He's not doing me a favour.

He shouldn't need a thankyou, it should just be something he does (because you're both responsible for it, not just you!).

DH does his fair share of house work, but insists on telling me every time he does something "I've loaded the dishwasher." etc. Drives me bonkers.

I'm sure he's expecting me to say well done or thank you. My standard response is "great"

DH and I often thank each other for doing things (cooking, laundry, dishes), especially if it's something that the other thought they were going to have to do later, or doing a particularly unpleasant job (cat litter or compost). Not always though, we're not sycophantic about it.

And, although it's not a conscious thing, I think it sets a good example to DD - if we are heard thanking each other for the mundane chores, perhaps she won't take them for-granted quite so much

When you say 'the laundry' do you include his stuff? Cos I really would expect thanks for washing someone elses clothes. My 5 & 4 yos are currently exempt, and I am at home more, so do the bulk of theirs and the household linen.. Of course I would do DH's washing if he couldn't for whatever reason, and he would do mine, but it's not expected so we would say thank you for the favour.

CosmicDespotC Yes, the laundry includes DH's stuff. His clothes magically appear washed, ironed and hung in the wardrobe, or washed, folded and put away in his drawers.

I always say thanks to DH as it encourages him to do it again...he likes the praise and goes around with a smile on his face doing little jobs for me. Bonus.

O God, I'm so relieved reading this thread, I thought it was just my DH who lists all the things he's done "to help you out", and when I was a SAHM he was also fond of walking in the door and saying "So - what have you been doing all day while I've been at work then?"

It's a wonder we still have an un-dented frying pan!

Mutual thanks is best.

People who say "What have you been doing all day?" to SAHPs should face mandatory separation from their partner for three months, with full custody of the kid(s), while their partner gets treated to an all-inclusive break of their choice. Then they'd change their sodding tune.