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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my 15 year-old take alcohol to a party?

83 replies

SorchaN · 14/02/2015 00:05

My daughter has been invited to a school friend's 16th birthday party. She wants to take a few small bottles of cider - nothing extreme.

I have a relaxed attitude to alcohol and I let my kids have the occasional glass of wine with dinner etc. I have no idea of her friend's parents' attitude to alcohol.

My daughter claims that other friends are taking alcohol to the party. She's a responsible person and I don't think she'd do anything stupid, but I'm concerned about what will happen if the friend's mother isn't expecting an evening of teenage drinking...

I think it might be reasonable for my daughter to take a small amount of cider, as I wouldn't mind if it were my house, and I was drinking sensibly at 15. But I'd really like to know what other parents think about it.

OP posts:
slicedfinger · 14/02/2015 00:08

Talk to the other parent first, otherwise yabvu.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 14/02/2015 00:12

It'd be unreasonable to let her take it without checking with the hosting parent, but if you do I don't see the problem.

BackforGood · 14/02/2015 00:19

My dd is 16, and has begun to go to a few 'gatherings' at peoples houses this year, but they don't involve alcohol.

Once they are in the 6th form seemed to be when it changed, as far as my ds was concerned.
At 15, I wouldn't.

HotSquashedBun · 14/02/2015 00:33

Yabu.

PurpleSwift · 14/02/2015 00:35

Yabu. While you can tell yourself that the other children there are not your responsibility, this would be an extremely irresponsible thing to do. No no no

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 14/02/2015 00:40

No way! We've only just started allowing the odd beer gathering for DC1 but they're all 17/18. I still feel unsure about it as the drinking age is 21 here. There seems such a rush to encourage drinking in the UK.

CointreauVersial · 14/02/2015 00:41

Yabu.

And surely you aren't still being taken in by the "everyone else does it" line?

I don't doubt that my 15yo has had the odd drink at parties, but no way will I be supporting it by supplying him with alcohol to take with him. Not for a while anyway.

Pomegranatemolasses · 14/02/2015 00:57

No way would I allow this. YABU

Original poster
SorchaN · 14/02/2015 01:00

That's very helpful.

I'm not too worried about whether 'everyone else does it' (after all, I give my own kids limited quantities of alcohol). And if I don't supply it my daughter can buy it herself easily enough - she could easily pass for over 25.

However, my main concern is that the other girl's parents won't be happy about it, and I don't want to piss them off. Since everyone here thinks it's unreasonable, I think it's safe to assume that the friend's parents are unlikely to be pleased about alcohol at the party.

Thanks to everyone who has replied!

OP posts:
MerryInthechelseahotel · 14/02/2015 02:07

If she is 15 she won't pass for over 25 she will need id without a doubt.

mommy2ash · 14/02/2015 03:03

can you not just ask the parents of the girls whose house she is going to. if they aren't expecting alcohol then i wouldn't send her with any.

i remember years ago my sisters friends mum threw her a 16th birthday party and supplied all her friends 15 and 16 with alcohol. my sister came home in an awful state after walking home late at night on her own i have never been so angry with another parent so much in my life.

Original poster
SorchaN · 14/02/2015 03:04

If she is 15 she won't pass for over 25 she will need id without a doubt.

She's nearly six feet tall and when she wears make up people assume she's mid 20's. It's mostly the height, I think. A careful retailer would ask for ID, but not all of them are careful...

OP posts:
Original poster
SorchaN · 14/02/2015 03:07

my sister came home in an awful state

That's terrible. I have no plans to supply alcohol to a group of teenagers, but I'd like to think that if I did, I stay sober and drive them home. Shocking.

OP posts:
Original poster
SorchaN · 14/02/2015 03:08

*I'd stay sober...
which is not really relevant because I'm still not planning to get 15 year-olds drunk...

OP posts:
fizzycolagurlie · 14/02/2015 03:51

I would have said let her take it (I was doing this at 13, years and years ago) but since then I have seen the statistics - if you give alcohol to a child under 18 it basically rewires their synapses so that they are much more inclined towards heavy drinking / alcoholism later in life. If you wait till after 18 the chances slide right down. Worth considering.

claraschu · 14/02/2015 04:10

My two sons are 19 and 16. They went to quite a few parties at that age (and one of the boys had some parties at home). There was alcohol at all of the parties. None of the parents ever discussed it with me.

I am not saying this is good, but I do think that it is the norm. My 15 year old has also bought alcohol on various occasions for about two years. He is asked for ID about half the time.

Springcleanish · 14/02/2015 04:45

I think it's about school years too, year ten no alcohol, year eleven a little seems to be the rule around here. My DS will take two bottles of a light beer or one bottle of something like magners to parties, but that is all, he knows if he drank other peoples he would be in big trouble. When he had two parties in a month we made him choose. I'm more wary of him taking soft drinks, as there seems to be a tendency for someone to have vodka etc and splash that in, it's much harder to control amounts and tastes less like alcohol doing that.

Bowlersarm · 14/02/2015 06:31

If we knew alcohol was being supplied by the hosts at a party, we let our 15 year old dses take two or three bottles of low alcohol drinks with them.

Timetoask · 14/02/2015 06:37

The UK has a very relaxed attitude to alcohol which is part of the problem here with alcohol abuse. I think it is a shame that teenagers are regularly allowed to drink alcohol at parties, how about learning to have fun without it?
15 is too young

DixieNormas · 14/02/2015 06:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/02/2015 06:40

Time most of Europe has a more relaxed attitude, yoynger drinking ages and less of an issue with alcohol abuse so I don't think your assertion is correct at all.

Op as long as the parents of the girl having the party are happy, I don't see it as an issue. My friends and I were allowed to do this at the same age. We'd have two or three WKD's (so classy!) each, think we were so cool and be perfectly safe under adult supervision.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 14/02/2015 07:47

Dd is 15 and is off to a party this evening. It hasn't occurred to her or her friends to take alcohol, instead the aim seems to be to take as many sweets as possible.
It's funny how what is deemed acceptable varies so much.

Ejzuudjej · 14/02/2015 07:58

Yabu. What possible good can come of it?

Datahub · 14/02/2015 07:59

please dont - he gives it to other kids who might not want to have it, their parents might not like it or they might be medically incapable to drink.
Plus i am sure its against the law or something to buy for a kid

btw if you think that is all she is drinking and are happy to let her think alcohol is ok under 18 you are seriously deluded

Datahub · 14/02/2015 08:00

agree under 6th form is totally wrong