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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let my 15 year-old take alcohol to a party?

83 replies

SorchaN · 14/02/2015 00:05

My daughter has been invited to a school friend's 16th birthday party. She wants to take a few small bottles of cider - nothing extreme.

I have a relaxed attitude to alcohol and I let my kids have the occasional glass of wine with dinner etc. I have no idea of her friend's parents' attitude to alcohol.

My daughter claims that other friends are taking alcohol to the party. She's a responsible person and I don't think she'd do anything stupid, but I'm concerned about what will happen if the friend's mother isn't expecting an evening of teenage drinking...

I think it might be reasonable for my daughter to take a small amount of cider, as I wouldn't mind if it were my house, and I was drinking sensibly at 15. But I'd really like to know what other parents think about it.

OP posts:

ApocalypseThen · 14/02/2015 12:26

Has nobody any any thought for the parents of the party teen here? People sending a gang of teenagers around to their home for them to supervise drinking? I can't believe the merits and strengths of different drinks are the issue.

If I was hosting a party for 15 year olds I think I'd be fairly shocked if they all turned up with parental sanctioned alcohol for me to allow them to drink under my roof.

Who would really expect that?

Stealthpolarbear · 14/02/2015 12:38

apocalyse did you really just ask
wont someone think of the parents?
(i agree btw) :o

Mrsjayy · 14/02/2015 12:43

Yabu fine let her drink at home but letting her take alcohol without checking with other parents is irresponsible and not on but it really up to you and btw if someone looks 25 they will be Id

ApocalypseThen · 14/02/2015 12:45

apocalyse did you really just ask
wont someone think of the parents?

Yeah. I'm turning into my mother.

Original poster

SorchaN · 14/02/2015 12:55

Wow, thanks for all the brilliant advice! I'm aware that it's quite a polarising topic and that there are widely different practices surrounding teens and alcohol.

My daughter likes a brand of cider that's 4%, and wants to take three bottles, so not enough to get drunk on - in any case, she doesn't want to get drunk. I'll definitely give her a carby meal beforehand either way - just in case other people bring alcohol.

But I've decided that I don't want her to take alcohol unless the other girl's parents are expecting it, so I will have to contact them. I think there's been a lot of discussion at school among the kids attending they party about what they're going to take - it sounds like everyone is planning to take alcohol and that the birthday girl knows this... But that's not the same thing as her parents knowing!

OP posts:

ApocalypseThen · 14/02/2015 12:57

That's a really good decision, fair and balanced.

gabsdot45 · 14/02/2015 13:16

15 year olds drinking alcohol is wrong, wrong, wrong, IMO.

teenagetantrums · 14/02/2015 13:46

My DS 15th Bday I provided alcohol not much think it was 2 beers or ciders each. refuse to buy alco pop stuff, if you don't like the taste dont drink . But I did check with all the parents first. He was one of the youngest in his peer group and none of the parents had a problem with it. They are all at uni now and good kids, they are going to drink anyway so why not supervise it? I dont think 15 year olds drinking is wrong at all.

HoraceCope · 14/02/2015 14:10

As this is a 16th birthday half will 16 already

namechangeafternamechange · 14/02/2015 14:18

Sorcha FWIW I think you have taken the correct approach. If the parent's are happy with a small amount of alcohol then I, personally, don't see the problem.

At 15 I was getting up to all sorts behind my mum's/foster carers wherever I happened to be living back's. Now, as a parent myself, I hope my ds (when he gets to his teen years) can be open and honest with me like your DD has been with you. At the end of the day she has asked you to provide her alcohol, she could've just not said anything and got someone else to get it. At least you'll know what/how much she is drinking.

Drinking at 15 isn't ideal. In an ideal world our children wouldn't touch alcohol until retirement age but that just isn't how it works these days. It's a shame but it's just the way it is

namechangeafternamechange · 14/02/2015 14:19

Oh and you must be very approachable.....never in a million years would I have asked my mother for alcohol at 15

AddToBasket · 14/02/2015 14:23

Be really careful. You are supplying a minor with drink. If another child gets wrecked and is damaged by alcohol you supply, you could be in trouble.

Original poster

SorchaN · 14/02/2015 14:31

I try to be approachable! I think it helps that my daughter is naturally quite mature and responsible, and I'm quite unshockable, so she knows I won't clutch my pearls if she brings up a controversial issue.

I checked the advice of the UK's chief medical officer, and it's recommended that drinking between the ages of 15 and 17 is done under adult supervision, and of course very limited. And I think my daughter could get alcohol quite easily without my knowledge, so I'd rather know what she's doing!

To be honest, I'm not hugely worried about her drinking just now; I worry much more about what will happen when she turns 18 in a culture where drinking to excess seems to be some kind of social imperative.

OP posts:

Zanzibaragain · 14/02/2015 15:45

Attitudes to alcohol vary so much.
My Ds was offered shandy at a party, ok it's very low alcohol, some see it as practically alcohol free but he was 8 yrs old at the time.
I was livid!
The boys where TOLD it was a can of beer, a special birthday treat, a can of beer, so ds refused.
The host parents saw no issues at all with it and I was the unreasonable one.
I am still livid.

hijk · 14/02/2015 15:47

sorchan, the culture is changing, alcohol consumption among youngsters is no longer any kind of social imperative.

tobysmum77 · 14/02/2015 16:03

I'm 5'10 abd was sporadically asked for id till the age of 35. I must have looked older than any 15 year old!!!!

fizzycolagurlie · 14/02/2015 17:13

SorchaN - the UK chief medical officer advice is not reflecting the most up to date research. Its reflecting the reality that kids this age drink and encouraging parental supervision to keep things "under control". Sadly it doesn't change the truth about brain chemistry.

Chatty987 · 14/02/2015 17:18

Yabu. Why encourage underage drinking....there's no need.

BlueberryWafer · 14/02/2015 17:23

Ask the other child's parents

MissDuke · 14/02/2015 20:30

Sorcha - you do realise that the chief medical officer also states an alcohol free childhood is the most desirable option. However, if this cannot be achieved, onset of drinking should be delayed for as long as possible

It feels like you just picked out the bit that suited you but have quoted it out of context. I personally would be very unhappy at the idea of teens drinking regularly, BUT I will concede that my eldest is only 10 so who knows how I will feel in a few years...... I do think you sound like a fantastic mother so please don't take this as massive criticism.

richthegreatcornholio · 14/02/2015 20:53

are happy to let her think alcohol is ok under 18 you are seriously deluded

Why would that be delusional?

Toughasoldboots · 14/02/2015 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paddyclampo · 14/02/2015 21:20

Sorcha I think if the host girl's parent are OK with it then there's no problem. I would be exactly the same as you. YANBU.

ChillySundays · 14/02/2015 22:06

Do what the parents and you are happy with. My DD went to a few not many parties in Y11 and there was always alcohol. She was sensible and is not a really a drinker anyway so no worries about getting blind drunk.

My DS didn't go to a party until the exams finished. Like one of the other posters he is an summer baby and was probably the only one who wasn't 16. I even posted about it as I was a bit nervous (not always as mature as sister was at that age!) I gave a few cans of lager working on the principle that he would probably find someone else's booze. If he had got really drunk there was a sign of a hangover when I pick early the next day.

Who was the drunkest at the party? The lad whose mum hadn't allowed him to bring any alcohol but he was drinking spirits.

My DS was offered lager at Christmas and he refused it

claraschu · 15/02/2015 05:23

I'm obviously not saying all 15 year olds always drink; I'm just saying my 19 and 16 year olds (so I am not out of date) went to plenty of parties and there was always alcohol.

Ejzuudjej, if your daughter went to the movies and shopping for a birthday, that sounds lovely, but not what we are talking about. She was with a small group of good friends spending time together. The parties with alcohol are in the evening with a large mixed group of kids who don't know each other extremely well.

If there is a large group of 15 year olds, some of them bring alcohol. I don't like it, but that is what happens.

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