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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my 15 year-old take alcohol to a party?

83 replies

SorchaN · 14/02/2015 00:05

My daughter has been invited to a school friend's 16th birthday party. She wants to take a few small bottles of cider - nothing extreme.

I have a relaxed attitude to alcohol and I let my kids have the occasional glass of wine with dinner etc. I have no idea of her friend's parents' attitude to alcohol.

My daughter claims that other friends are taking alcohol to the party. She's a responsible person and I don't think she'd do anything stupid, but I'm concerned about what will happen if the friend's mother isn't expecting an evening of teenage drinking...

I think it might be reasonable for my daughter to take a small amount of cider, as I wouldn't mind if it were my house, and I was drinking sensibly at 15. But I'd really like to know what other parents think about it.

OP posts:
Datahub · 14/02/2015 08:01

also agree about medical advice having changed to show it IS damaging to an underdeveloped body.

the whole like the French stuff is a load of old guff

velvetspoon · 14/02/2015 08:02

I would, and have. DS is 16 but was the youngest of his peer group having an August birthday. There were a few parties in early summer after GCSEs that he asked to take alcohol to, as the host's parents had said it was ok.

At one party they ended up doing shots (which I was a bit Hmm about) but it ended with several of them being sick - DS hates being sick so stopped drinking immediately at that point, and then hasn't drunk more than a can or two at parties since. I don't doubt at some point he'll come home in a complete state but he's generally a sensible boy so I trust him.

Stealthpolarbear · 14/02/2015 08:08

as a parent i plan to have an uptight approach to alcohol
and to those who say they will rebel id like to see evidence please (and "it happened to me" does not count)

DixieNormas · 14/02/2015 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoraceCope · 14/02/2015 08:24

I would, although maybe alcopops, if they were expected, which IMO they are, or at least that is what dd tells me

ThereIsACarInTheKitchen · 14/02/2015 08:26

Stealth I'm not sure I agree with the "having an uptight attitude will backfire and they'll go crazy for it" argument when it comes to alcohol that some people trot out. I know that European countries are often used as proof that this is the case but I think there's a lot more to it than that.

My parents always had strict rules about alcohol with both me and my sister which according to some people would have been bad and cause us to binge drink when we were able to. Yet at the ages of 24 and 29 neither of us drink much (I can't even remember the last time I had one) and neither of us have ever been that interested in drinking.

ApocalypseThen · 14/02/2015 08:29

I think if I were the hosting parent I'd be quite unhappy with this and to be honest, I think I'd be telling them that kids are planning to bring alcohol to this party if I had heard that. The responsibility for dealing with a number of drunk teenagers is not one I'd want, nor would I be happy to inflict it on someone else.

HoraceCope · 14/02/2015 08:32

OP ask the host parent?
if yes, send her with something light

skylark2 · 14/02/2015 08:33

I wouldn't - or at most I would let her take the amount of alcohol you're happy for her to drink. If everyone's taking it then she will have plenty. If she's lied about that and actually most parents will say hell no (or their kids won't even ask) then the amount available to everyone will be minimal.

Do you really think it's okay for a fifteen year old to drink a few small bottles of cider? That's more than I'd drink in an evening, and I'm by no means teetotal.

DD did start taking alcohol to parties slightly before she was 18 - but they were eighteenth birthday parties of close friends who were very slightly older than her. And actually it didn't arise that often as they tended to go to nightclubs (and following an incident where two girls in her class were arrested for ID fraud and one had her passport taken away, there's no way she was going to risk it - she's an athlete who travels abroad and it would have been a disaster.)

LadyLuck10 · 14/02/2015 08:40

I think it's poor parenting to allow a 15yo to be so free with alcohol. Why are you encouraging this. Not all teens drink, and it doesn't have to be at parties. I guess it depends on the types of teens then.

claraschu · 14/02/2015 09:30

I think a lot of you are deluding yourselves. Many, many 15 year olds have got drunk at parties. I agree that it is bad, but it is extremely common.

Witcheswerehorses · 14/02/2015 09:42

In not getting in to the rights and wrongs. People will disagree on this eternally.
I just posted to say cider is not usually a good choice to give them. Very often it is strong. Check the % on anything that they do have.

Ejzuudjej · 14/02/2015 09:45

Claraschu not always. DD went to a 15th birthday party last week. It was movies, lunch and shopping - age appropriate stuff.
I don't believe I am deluding myself.

hijk · 14/02/2015 09:50

claraschu - I think you are out of date. This was common a decade ago, but stupid behaviour around alcohol is thankfully falling out of fashion amongst the younger generation, alcohol drinking is very much in decline among teens and twenty s.

personally, I think this is a huge step in the right direction, and wouldn't ever do anything at all to buck this trend.

So op, I would say YABU. You should not be encouraging your teen to drink anywhere, although at home under your supervision isn't going to do too much harm.

RJnomore · 14/02/2015 09:56

Just no way I would do this at that age.

I do remember it happening when I was at school in the dark ages so I'm not deluded it doesn't happen. I also offer my kids a very diluted snowball or Buck's Fizz on special occasions so not anti alcohol as such. I think I have a balanced approach.

But my own 15yo won't be taking bottles of anything alcoholic anywhere for a long time yet.

MayLuke83 · 14/02/2015 09:56

YANBU. It's a 16th Birthday party. Your daughter is sensible enough to discuss with you. It's not poor parenting, it's realistic parenting to me. In saying that OP I understand you not wanting to upset the other parents too.

championnibbler · 14/02/2015 10:07

15 is too young to be drinking.

totallybitching · 14/02/2015 10:29

I think that's fine - its better her drink a couple of nice ciders that you sanctioned than necking value vodka over the bottle given to her by someone else. Also builds up a tolerance and idea of how much she can drink before university - an essential skill to protect yourself at uni l.

Stealthpolarbear · 14/02/2015 10:33

alcohol is alcohol whether it comes from a naice cider or cheap white ligtning

Stealthpolarbear · 14/02/2015 10:35

v i realise diff drink s have diff strengths

Stealthpolarbear · 14/02/2015 10:38

i have not been drinking its this ipad btw

Coconutty · 14/02/2015 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuperFlyHigh · 14/02/2015 11:25

Just wanted to say that even alcopops (Bacardi breezer) have 5% alcohol which if you drink say 3 on an empty stomach and you have a low alcohol tolerance you can get quite tipsy on them, me a little bit but I've known other friends get quite drunk on them!

HoraceCope · 14/02/2015 11:55

carribean twist is quite light

bobbyjoe · 14/02/2015 12:09

Normal round here too from Year 11. Year 11 parents supplied small lagers, maybe enough for 2-3 each. No one took alcohol. Year 12 it's changed to taking some to spread the cost a bit and it includes harder stuff like shots and vodka. I'm talking 4 parties a year though and none seem to drink in between. I don't think it unreasonable for her to take some cider. Give her a good full meal of pasta or something carby before she goes though. That's what I do to line the stomach. I must admit though it took me unawares what was going on as I didn't expect it this early. I would go with the flow though as I think more damage could be done if you give a flat out no - in terms of she'll source it elsewhere and won't be telling you.

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