To feel we are all a little bit too obsessed with education and school?

[TheOddity]

I've seen threads recently about people remortgaging their house for private education, teachers publicly shamed in front of their peers for results beyond their control, people moving house to be nearer a good nursery, and on and on.
I recently moved to another country in Europe. I asked my new neighbour what the local nursery was like as that's where we intended to send our son. They said "it's very close and convenient". My spidey senses were tingling, did this mean it was a failing nursery? Next I go to the first parents' meeting. Not a word was spoken about targets, the curriculum etc. it was all about food and naps. In the end section for questions, the questions parents asked were about.....food and naps! He is there now for half a year, it's fine, And hopefully sometimes he is learning. There is one secondary school nearby so everyone goes there and again, it's fine. I am not overly worried my son will fail, because he is bright and I will help him.
I just think, are we all insane in the UK? Is it worth the stress? At the end of the day, if you are worried enough about them to remortgage your house, surely you could just do a bit of homework with them each night and it will all turn out ok? AIBU to think that school is all a bit out of proportion and life is pretty unpredictable unless your parents already own a fortune?

"will generally have decent results whatever the intake."

Depends what you describe as 'decent'.

Many parents won't even look at a school which gets 60% 5 A to C's, and is halfway down a local league table where the the top 6 selective schools or comprehensives in very expensive catchments are achieving between 85% and 100%. I've heard so many parents describe all our local schools as 'shit' - hence the 15% of children in my borough going to private schools. It doesn't matter that they have 30% on fsm and still get 60% A to C. They wouldn't even consider them.

Right and in my local school we have all those things plus poor teaching, bad scores, bad attendance, high staff turn over and bright pupils not being stretched etc

There aren't the good points you mentioned

yanbu, people get far too stressed about 'education' here in the UK. There is far too much pressure on parents and children to 'achieve' academically and enter the rat race as soon as possible.

There is nothing wrong with a more laid back attitude. Just look at the damage rigid/toxic school environments does to some children; social anxiety, school phobia, depression, etc. The pressure to conform and perform just seems to start younger and younger these days and I think it is just not worth it.

I'm sending my children to schools where there are great teachers, inspiring heads, and where hard working and bright children achieve highly

So...why on earth do you care what other people think about your school or other schools then?

Schools where none of this is in place will always be avoided by parents including working class parents

Probably but unlike on here I do think a huge amount of parents are actually not that bothered about schools.

I have also noticed a vast difference in what I would class as good schools and my neighbours or acquaintances I meet out and about in my area.

Mini hate to burst your bubble but parents don't judge schools on ESL or SEN but on results.

League tables and Ofsted highlight the above and numbers of disadvantaged children so it is perfectly possible to see and work out reasons for differences in results.

An Outstanding school is an Outstanding school wherever it is and will always have parents ready to chew their arm off in order to get their kids places.Pretty sure most don't scan the ESL figures before excepting places.

mini I could stomach all your posturing if it weren't for the fact that you tried to get your son into a selective school

bonsoir
A school that is properly equipped with modern technology definitely doesn't require dedicated physical spaces for most subjects.
Sorry but that is piffle.

Music has keyboards
Physics has lots of voltage
Chemistry has fume hoods
Biology has plants etc
Art has silk screen tables
Languages have headphone sets
Textiles has sewing machines
Food tech has cookers and sinks
Materials has pillar drills
ICT has extra hardware
Netball and tennis have courts
Rugby and football do not share pitches

Any private school that boasted of a lack of facilities would soon have a lack of pupils

I tend to instinctively agree with the OP's sentiment but then I (and DH) both had the benefit of excellent educations - single sex Catholic girls' school for me, one of the best schools n the sountry for him (which happens to be a state boys' school). This wasn't because our parents obsessed about schools (in the 80s/90s) but because we lived in middle class areas (which weren't exorbitantly exensive liek they are now) & these were the schools our primaries fed into (and the Catholic element informed my parents educational choices).

It's all very well for me to think that obsessing over schools is a bit silly, but I haven't missed out on anything because of the schools I went to - we had great teachers, lovely grounds, I made great friends who all went on to university, & naturally we want our kids to have the same opportunities we did. If the alternative was a poorly resourced school with no outdoor space & a high teen pregnancy rate of course I'd be obsessing about how to get my kids into something better.

So called "language laboratories" with headphone sets should be banned. An expensive disaster.

Foundation subjects like English (or whatever MT is being taught), mathematics, history, geography, MFL do not require dedicated physical spaces.

I have the same experience as the OP, moving from South London school angst to a Canadian town and finding that discussions about education are focused on issues with individual teachers or timetabling and that no one worries about the school itself. When people ask my children which high school they go to it's a casual unloaded question. My ds is likely to do a term at a different school in a couple of years because it hosts a course he is interested in and there is no question that he would be at an advantage/disadvantage.

All but three schools (one Catholic, one Protestant and one Performing Arts) are catchment area, although those catchments change over the years as the school board changes the patterns in order to ensure that the numbers work out (so our primary used to feed to a different secondary but as there has been more growth in an area close to that school they moved us to a school with spaces). There is neither streaming (which I really disagree with) or setting, but results are generally good, and families (professional and otherwise) seem confident that their children will do well, graduate and go off to some form of higher ed, whether that's in trades, applied courses or academia.

Oh and I think that there is value in teachers having their own classrooms. I certainly enjoy going around the school on parents evenings and seeing the great displays in each room, like the Japanese kanji in their MFL teacher's room. I also think that it's a pretty good idea for children to go to the teacher rather than the other way around, plus the exercise between classes is beneficial.

Word - you've raised that on many occasions to try to embarrass me, each time failing to flag up that the decision for him to sit for a super selective was DH's and that I was against it every inch of the way. DH and I aren't in accord on this issue.

But it is avalud point Minifingers.

So you think other people should be happy with 30%fsm-60%a-c school, whilst your own child is safely tucked away elsewhere.

I know RL people who know exactly what others should do, whilst not contemplating it for themselves.

There is a name for that attitude

.

feels thick is Minis child at the segregated school - or did they just sit the exam?

FWIW
I believe in comps
but I do not believe that there should be no choice between comps
I'd rather use my local one for financial and logistical reasons
but could not do that to my childrens' education
so I use another one

I think the main reason there is angst is because there is choice.

Having a choice leads to angst.

I believe in choice. I've chosen 3 diff schools for my 3.

YANBU. And frankly if I had my way every private school in the country would be closed down. Whatever way you dress it up it's basically a way of saying 'my child is too good for state education'. If all the money that went into private schools went into state schools then they would all be equipped with the resources they need to ensure that every child gets an equal education regardless of how much their parents earn.

I would not send my children to private school even if I won the lottery.

My eldest is only just 3 and I'm already awake at night worrying which school we should send him to. I couldn't give a rat's ass about results. I just want him and his brother to be happy (ideally at the same school!) and I've heard tales of terrible bullying (including homophobic bullying) at all our local state schools. We've just done the sums and worked out we can't affird private. I'm feeling very stressed about what to do but it's not to do with hot housing or me being competitive.

kids also get bullied at private schools???

Ds goes to a private school (although we don't pay for it) because no state school can provide what he needs. When a child has sen the school they attend can make an enormous difference to what they achieve.

Where I work, it's in the city. For one of world's top company as voted by Forbes and one of the best paying. Graduate salaries can start from £35k. We get applicants from the world over, competing to work at our London office. Its not enough to have a 1st class degree. The interviewees are multilingual, almost all. have excellent grades in Maths and Sciences. Grades matter a lot. So does excelling in extra curricular.

If we are competing against overseas competition for British jobs, I damn going to try hard for my dcs to be top of their game. School included. I'm not sure if where I work, is representative for rest of UK, but its definitely common in the City. The bar is very high indeed.

Many parents won't even look at a school which gets 60% 5 A to C's
That's high achieving in my locality! This thread has cemented my own decision to send DC1 to a selective school further away. The level of everyday disruption, bullying, bad language is so rife that it is scary and we're talking about preteens here. You might expect it in inner city London but rural poverty gives failing schools there a run for their money. Actually, you probably won't get it in an inner city school because they have had so much more investment than the rest of the country.

Monkey - there is bullying at ALL schools. Doesn't mean your DC will be bullied.

Teach him to be confident and assertive with good social skills. Then he's likely to thrive at any school.

I visited my DCs secondary school during the school day, sat waiting to see the head or someone (can't even remember who) and watched the DCs walking to classes (big school 1500) and I noticed they were all smiling and chatting - looked really happy. No wild horsing around.

That's a way to judge imo.

cookiedoughkid you obviously have a successful career. But your children won't necessarily want or be right for that environment.

My first thought tobysmum, was I hope they take after her! I would hate that sort of job with every fibre of my being so having a parent with expectations that I would want it would be a worry. Maybe they want to be costume designers, teachers, museum curators, landscape gardeners etc etc
I suppose at least a good education prepares you for anything- but I do hope that she is prepared for alternatives, there is nothing worse than being channelled into parental expectations.
Firstly I would hate to work in the city, hate to work in an office and the money part comes way down my list of importance.