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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just say "fuck it" and go live in a cave.

138 replies

Sn00p4d · 13/02/2015 00:41

I'm 39 weeks pregnant with a baby that was diagnosed with a fatal birth defect three weeks ago, she's got a 50/50 chance of survival. When born she'll be whipped away, put in an induced coma & on life support until they run a fuck tonne of tests. If she lasts the week they'll do a corrective surgery, again which carries huge risks, and thus continues her life in a stream of hospital appointments, tests and tubes for as long as we get to keep her.

I'm being induced in a few days and I just don't want to do it. I'm fine in my bubble where I can kid on this isn't happening. I can't do it. I'm not strong enough.

Realistically I do know that keeping her in there til she's 21 would be frowned upon, I know I don't have a choice in the matter, just had to get that out and vent somewhere!

OP posts:
BehindEveryCloud · 13/02/2015 00:49

I'm sorry, I didn't want to just read and leave...

I really cannot imagine what you're going through right now, it sounds deeply painful just reading and I sincerely hope that all of the odds are in your favour. I hope the initial stress and heartache after labour is over quickly and that you go on to enjoy a lifetime of wonderful memories with your beautiful and healthy baby.

I don't know you of course but will be thinking of you a lot Flowers

WinterMole · 13/02/2015 00:50

I haven't had any experience of this before and hopefully someone with more knowledge will come along soon but I want to give you these Thanks and tell you that you are strong enough.

YANBU to feel that way right now and I can't imagine how scary it may be, keep family close, post on here for support, cry and scream when you want to and be kind to yourself.

Your baby will be beautiful just like everyone else's and I wish you luck for your induction.

elfycat · 13/02/2015 00:52

YANBU.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Completely inadequate I know. You have my best wishes for the optimal outcome you can achieve, but again that's nothing.

One day at a time. Use every support offered by the people you love.

Didactylos · 13/02/2015 00:55

Sn00p, I have no advice for you, but can only hope it goes as well as possible for you, your baby girl and whole family. Im sorry you are facing this and wish I could help you.

SorchaN · 13/02/2015 00:59

So very sorry. I hope everything goes as well as possible under the circumstances. Flowers

Original poster
Sn00p4d · 13/02/2015 01:02

Thank you all, sorry I'm not meaning to be all whiney I just feel bad I suppose, I was so excited about meeting her now to be honest I'm dreading it. I don't want to give birth to someone I don't get to keep, I'm terrified of getting more attached because it'll make it that much harder, which is ridiculous as I already am attached! It's a living nightmare and I'm caught between wishing it was over and not wanting it to end if that makes any sense at all. Good God I wish I could drink!x

OP posts:
AmateurSeamstress · 13/02/2015 01:08

My heart goes out to you, I couldn't not reply but I haven't the faintest idea what to say.

You can do it. No one ever does it because they are incredibly strong and brave, they do it because they have no choice, and they do get through. It is utterly unfair that she and you have this to deal with, but in the middle of all the bad stuff you will be meeting your beautiful daughter. Every medical professional you meet will be a real person there to help her. But yes, enjoy the next few days. I'll be thinking of you.

TheCatsFlaps · 13/02/2015 01:42

Best of luck OP. My wee boy died when he was ten. I would have kept him in a coccon inside me just to hold on. You are so brave and I tAke my hat off to you. Flowers

StaircaseAtTheUniversity · 13/02/2015 01:57

Just wantee to send my love, OP. Flowers

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 13/02/2015 02:05

So sorry that you're going through this. I really really hope that you get the best possible outcomes that you can. I'm crap with words sorry. You sound incredibly brave xx Flowers

FoxHugs · 13/02/2015 02:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fizzycolagurlie · 13/02/2015 02:26

ah I am so sorry to read this. I hope that you have people around you for love and support during this trial and I do hope that things work out at the best scenario they can for you all, especially the baby.

ithoughtofitfirst · 13/02/2015 05:45

Flowers can't imagine how you must be feeling but, as a pp said, just take it one day at a time. You'll drive yourself nuts thinking too far ahead.

HexBramble · 13/02/2015 06:00

My heart goes out to you, Sn00p. You are beyond brave, even if you're not aware of it. I also thought of that quote 'When you are going through hell, keep going'. There are so many ifs and buts here - you can only wait and be at the mercy of time and too many other factors to mention. I hope you have RL support and please know that we are here for you.

I'll pray and pray for a positive outcome for you and your little girl.

ninetynineonehundred · 13/02/2015 07:05

Sn00p I'm so very sorry to read what you are going through and what you are about to go through.
Try and enjoy these few days when she is part of you. I'm not surprised you want to keep her in there for ever.
You will survive this. Flowers

Thumbwitch · 13/02/2015 07:11

Oh lovey - what a horribly sad situation you are in. :(
I don't honestly know what to say, as nothing is really going to help, but you'll get a ton of support and handholding here, or if you prefer, in the life-limiting illness topic.

I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through but you will get through it, whatever the outcome.

(((((hugs))))) for you Thanks and virtual Wine since you can't have any in RL for now. x

editthis · 13/02/2015 07:34

I'm so sorry. Such an inadequate thing to say, but I am, and will be thinking of you and your family.

I haven't been in your position, but from a different experience I would say that the waiting is awful; you know what you have to do and the emotional upheaval you will have to deal with, and at the moment you're just waiting for all that. But you will cope with it when it arrives because you will have to, and find resources of strength you had no idea you had. You will also have a beautiful baby and whatever depths of despair you feel will be matched by soaring highs of love and joy you find in her - such is the way with the heart, one extreme of emotion is impossible to feel without the match of the opposite. Flowers

FeelTheNoise · 13/02/2015 07:52

I am so sorry Thanks just reading about what you're going through hurts, and I can only imagine a fraction of your hurt. Please be really kind to yourself Thanks and please don't apologise to us for whining again! You've given me the perspective to stop making a fuss over the silly things x

canweseethebunnies · 13/02/2015 08:29

Oh shit...you poor thing. Life is brutal sometimes, isn't it? This is most likely going to be the the hardest time of your whole life and all I can offer is a virtual hand to hold.

FarelyKnuts · 13/02/2015 08:34

I'm so terribly sorry you are facing this Flowers
I'm not at all surprised you wish to just shut down and go hide in a cave!
I wish you so much strength and care to get through whatever comes in the next few months. Thinking of you and your beautiful baby

Fatstacks · 13/02/2015 08:38

Didn't want to read and run.

So sorry for your situation Sn00p Flowers

Vagndidit · 13/02/2015 08:41

Much love to you, Sn00p. Flowers Life can be so, so unfair sometimes.

HeathcliffeItsMe · 13/02/2015 08:48

So sorry to hear what you are going through

livingzuid · 13/02/2015 08:57

Thanks YANBU in the slightest. I am so sorry you and your baby have to go through this.

FindoGask · 13/02/2015 09:00

Just wanted to post and wish you and your daughter strength for whatever you both face. What a terrifying situation for you.

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