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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just say "fuck it" and go live in a cave.

138 replies

Sn00p4d · 13/02/2015 00:41

I'm 39 weeks pregnant with a baby that was diagnosed with a fatal birth defect three weeks ago, she's got a 50/50 chance of survival. When born she'll be whipped away, put in an induced coma & on life support until they run a fuck tonne of tests. If she lasts the week they'll do a corrective surgery, again which carries huge risks, and thus continues her life in a stream of hospital appointments, tests and tubes for as long as we get to keep her.

I'm being induced in a few days and I just don't want to do it. I'm fine in my bubble where I can kid on this isn't happening. I can't do it. I'm not strong enough.

Realistically I do know that keeping her in there til she's 21 would be frowned upon, I know I don't have a choice in the matter, just had to get that out and vent somewhere!

OP posts:
angelopal · 13/02/2015 09:35

Sorry that you are going through this. I lost my first suddenly to an undetected heart defect at 4 days old.

It wont make things easier but try and focus on the fact the problem has been found and that she will get the best care possible.

Will be thinking of you.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/02/2015 10:03

Oh you poor woman. I am sending you strength and very very best wishes to get through this Thanks

thornyhousewife · 13/02/2015 10:21

You are entitled to feel however you feel, and you are allowed to feel conflicted and change your mind.

You will get through this nightmare because you have to. You will be a different person on the other side of it, but you will take with you a love and a strength above anything you've known before.

Thinking of you xxx

catlover97 · 13/02/2015 14:27

Thinking of you, just take one day at a time. Hugs and Flowers xxx

Nomama · 13/02/2015 14:32

I can't offer a cave, but do have friends who live in an archway, under a disused railway bridge... Hobbits they are!

As others have said, take it all very slowly, carefully, and with the love of those closest to you xx Flowers

ArcheryAnnie · 13/02/2015 14:33

Jesus, you aren't being whiny at all - and if you were (you aren't), you'd have every justification.

Life can be so unfair. I don't blame you for wanting to hide from it all.

Thanks
bettyboop1970 · 13/02/2015 14:46

I'm so sorry you are going through thisFlowers
I don't blame you for wanting to escape it all.
No one thinks you're whiny.

PacificDogwood · 13/02/2015 14:49

YAofcourseNBU in the slightest.

What you are having to live is so shit and unfair and hard.
Wishing you all the strength in the world for the future.

You are not whiney - anybody who manages a bit of gallow's humour in your situation is showing great strength of spirit.
Your DD is lucky to have you as her mother.

Enjoy your cave and just don't come out Thanks

DartmoorDoughnut · 13/02/2015 14:54

Oh bless you Sad my heart goes out to you and your little one, really hope all goes well and obv YANBU in the slightest Flowers

Topseyt · 13/02/2015 14:59

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can't really find the words, but I hope things go as smoothly as they can and you get the very best outcome possible.

ProbablyMe · 13/02/2015 15:06

I'm so sorry to hear that. I have been through something similar a number of years ago and I think I understand what you mean. I would have kept him inside me forever if I could have. I actually felt visceral anger towards the staff who wanted to deliver him from inside me where he was safe out into the uncertain world. I didn't want to let go of him into a situation I couldn't control and couldn't predict.

My heart really does go out to you and I'll be thinking about you.

WellThatEscalatedQuickly · 13/02/2015 15:14

I don't have any words or advice, just wanted to give you a written hug x

morethanpotatoprints · 13/02/2015 15:38

Oh my love you aren't being whiney and my heart goes out to you.
i can't imagine how painful this must be for you.
I hope that the birth goes as well as can be expected and want to send you a hug and Thanks x

laughingmyarseoff · 13/02/2015 15:53

I'm so very sorry OP, I don't have any pretty words for you but to say I wish I could give you a hug right now.

Original poster
Sn00p4d · 21/02/2015 06:26

Hello, just wanted to say thank you for the hand holding really! My wee girl was born a few days ago and so far she's doing well. She's been transferred to the hospital where they'll be doing her surgery so the fact she's made it this far is a miracle in itself, hopefully a sign of things to come! Thanks for letting me rant and for all the kind messages at a time when I needed them most Flowers

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 21/02/2015 06:29

I didn't realise this was a few days old, I'm so glad to hear the outcome. Let's hope she continues to be a little fighter Flowers

ReluctantCamper · 21/02/2015 06:31

That is amazing news. I will be thinking of you and your little girl. I hope the surgery goes well. You are being so brave.

catlover97 · 21/02/2015 06:31

That's fantastic news! Fingers crossed everything continues to go well. Be sure to take care of yourself as well as your beautiful daughter Flowers x

Velocitractor · 21/02/2015 06:35

I just saw this thread now.

That's great news - congratulations on the birth of your dd Flowers Smile

And wishing you all the best that everything goes well. She's obviously a little fighter Smile

AmethystMoon · 21/02/2015 06:35

Thank you for letting us know how you are both getting on. Thinking of you and wishing you both lots of luck and strength x

glassdragonfly · 21/02/2015 06:56

I just can't imagine what you are going through at the moment but am sending lots of love to you and your amazing daughter what a little fighter.

pigglewiggle · 21/02/2015 08:14

That's great news, glad to hear its all going well! Keep positive it really helps SmileFlowers

PacificDogwood · 21/02/2015 08:17

Aw, you sound so much more hopeful Smile

I know you are at the very start of a scary journey, but I am so pleased that you and your DD got this far.

Is now the time to post positive stories about survivors of complex heart malformations? I've got a few…

Thanks
Ledkr · 21/02/2015 08:23

Great news.
My ds was born with unexpected complications resulting inner g unable to take her home and hsving corrective surgery.
Whilst not life threatening, I do understand a little about things not being as they should and having to sit around hospitals Instead of starting life as a family.
She sounds as if she's defying the odds so far though.
Good luck to you all.

HexBramble · 21/02/2015 09:28

Sn00p, Flowers congratulations on the birthday of your baby girl. I hope you were ok throughout the birth?

I'm urging your little girl to keep going - lots and lots of thought and prayers coming your way. Keep fighting Little Sn00p.

Sounds like there are ladies on this thread who know the path you are walking. I know they'll be holding your hand if you should need it. Keep posting and let us know how you both are. We're all rooting for you.