I'm 39 weeks pregnant with a baby that was diagnosed with a fatal birth defect three weeks ago, she's got a 50/50 chance of survival. When born she'll be whipped away, put in an induced coma & on life support until they run a fuck tonne of tests. If she lasts the week they'll do a corrective surgery, again which carries huge risks, and thus continues her life in a stream of hospital appointments, tests and tubes for as long as we get to keep her.
I'm being induced in a few days and I just don't want to do it. I'm fine in my bubble where I can kid on this isn't happening. I can't do it. I'm not strong enough.
Realistically I do know that keeping her in there til she's 21 would be frowned upon, I know I don't have a choice in the matter, just had to get that out and vent somewhere!