Wedding etiquette - save the date

[PlumpingUpPartridge]

My cousin is getting married in early 2016 and is quite excited about it. She and fiancé recently sent out nice hand-made save the date cards. I received mine and thought 'Oh, how nice' as I put it on the shelf. Since I'm her cousin, of course I'm going; it never occurred to me that this might be in doubt. We rarely talk, but get on reasonably well - just live in different areas with different friends.

Next time I think of it is when, several weeks later, she sent me a FB message to check whether I'd got it. I replied in the affirmative and complimented the makers we had a friendly short chat.

Two days ago, my aunt texted to as if I'd got it as Cousin is worrying. I confirmed that I had.

Today, DSis contacted me to say 'Hey, apparently Cousin is offended at our rudeness in not confirming receipt of the cards'. We are both a bit bemused at this as it didn't enter either of our heads to do so.

Careful examination of the invite indicates no RSVP, although tbf I didn't check at the time.

Were we BU to not get in touch with my cousin? I for one didn't mean to be DSis might be another matter as we're really not that communicative a family - we can easily go months without speaking or getting in touch.

I'm uneasy about where the next etiquette pitfall might be now

Fru that was a funny thread. I'm sure it's in classics?

Four threads, Koala, and I think they're still in AIBU?!

I don't like Save the date cards. Especially a year in advance! It doesn't feel like a heads up. It feels like an order. I don't know what I'm doing in a year's time or when I'll be able to go on holiday. It's presumptuous to think I'm going to be arranging my whole summer round the wedding of, say, a colleague.

It's particularly annoying when you do prioritise the date and discover you're only invited to the evening.

We had an awkward situation at work when two colleagues arranged their weddings on the same day. The one who'd sent out Save the Dates in January for August was very put out, on the grounds that she'd asked first, when people opted to attend the other wedding.

It was TidyDancer. The bride just did not get why TD was so pissed off with her. Kept on about it, trying to persuade her to come and do all the work "as she was free anyway!"
Marvellous thread!

Faux pas or what?!
Wow.

OP, I can't believe she's complaining when you've spoken to her and another member of family! Sounds like you need to approach them both and tell them you think they've gotten crossed wires, as a preventative to a family feud. I'd copy and paste the FB chat to them both with a nice message saying "Phew! Thought I hadn't forgotten, can't wait! So exciting!" and lots of lovely-dovey sileys and party hats

1. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1807864-to-say-no-to-this-request-from-a-friend

2. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1811064-TidyDancers-bridezilla-thread-part-2

3. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1817125-TidyDancers-bridezilla-thread-part-3

4. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1828443-TidyDancers-bridezilla-thread-part-4

Apologies for derailing your thread, Plumping

I think I was, Mary. I complimented her on the design, what more could she have wanted?!

Oh Fru, I remember those now!! They were epic

More fawning and general attention, perhaps?
Confirmation that under no circumstances will you get appendicitis on that particular date etc.
Gushing to Aunt also may have been thought appropriate, as, obviously, it will Make Your Year.
Perhaps you might consider letting it be known via your mother that you were so touched that you even had to brush away a tear?

All good notions, Mary

She's being an attention seeker, you don't RSVP save the dates.

[grins]

OP, I know this is family but in my experience if you're already having problems at the save the date stage, run like the wind. And then run some more.

I speak from experience.

I never received an rsvp to my save the dates & haven't sent them to other people's either.

TidyDancer! I am quite looking forward to it famous last words

I recently received a std for a wedding in December. It said something like 'please let us know if you definitely can't make it'

Does it generally mean a full invite? Its a bit of a trek and I will have a 4 month old baby, so if its evening only we probably won't go.

I recently received a std for a wedding in December sorry, but that acronym is quite amusing in the circumstances

It does generally mean a full invite is imminent, yes.

Bloody hell, save the dates do not need an RSVP, they are not invitations!

Tiny Dancer's wedding thread was a classic!

We sent save the date cards as my friends work shifts and need to request time off in as advance before the next rota is done.

By the way Tidy, is Gluezilla not showing any signs of an impending addition to the family? You promised to update us with baby shower details, don't forget.....

As PP have said, a save the date is just a "head's up" so that you keep that weekend free, it's not an actual invitation.

How can you reply? They haven't asked you anything.

Sheesh, if the STD card is causing this much grief, what's the wedding gonna be like?! (helpful)

I was just thinking about that, Partridge. No baby news yet, she is very 'career driven' at present so it might be a while. :(

I will be hugely disappointed if she goes all normal and boring when/if it happens!

Slightly at a tangent but my dd has just revealed that she always believed that RSVP stood for 'respond soon via phone' as I always wrote RSVP and our phone number on party invitations.