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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to disengage from this group of friends as I think they're not being very pleasant about me?

77 replies

PinkHairbrushes · 11/02/2015 14:58

I am friends with a group of women; we meet up regularly for nights out and sometimes meet for lunch. One friend introduced me to the group so really they are all "her" friends and I get invited along to things. My friend has also set up a facebook group for us all to chat and to arrange things.

From day 1 I have had a feeling that a couple of the women just don't like me. They have both always been quite abrupt with me and also very patronising and eye-rolly when they talk to me. I don't want to be paranoid but you know when you just get the feeling that someone doesn't like you?

The others are all a bit more polite to me but all quite standoffish. I feel like a spare part on nights out, even though I have tried so hard to chat to them all and to be nice.

On our Facebook group I will always reply to things and I never really get any likes or acknowledgement for my replies, whilst they are all always liking each others replies.

Final straw now is we are all going out this weekend and we are meant to all be getting a taxi minibus between us. I have just been tagged on the facebook group saying the minibus can only seat 8 of us and as "X is bringing another friend" there won't be room for me and I'll have to make my own way there. It's at a venue 20 miles away!

WIBU to just have nothing more to do with the lot of them? DH thinks that my friend probably bitches about me to them all, as she is a bit like that, hence they don't really like me.

OP posts:
TheMoa · 11/02/2015 15:01

Seriously, by what definition are these people your friends?

You met them, you don't get on, stop trying.

They are just people you've met, not friends. Not their fault, not yours, just different people.

iammargesimpson · 11/02/2015 15:02

Why do you engage with these women? They really don't sound like your friends and if they aren't pleasant to be with, I would just not bother with them.

chinstrappenguin · 11/02/2015 15:03

Friends are meant to make your life happier. You are miserable trying to fit in so why bother?

Simile · 11/02/2015 15:04

Booting you out of the taxi tells you they are not your friends. If your DH is right then you stand no chance of being accepted in this group as your friend undermined you before you could even say hello.

Ditch this lot, you need to find some better company.
Flowers

Dr0pThePirate · 11/02/2015 15:04

Screw 'em.

If there's too many people for one taxi you book two, not tell one "specially selected" individual to make their own arrangements.

Just let them get on with it, they'll eventually fall out with each other.

Original poster
PinkHairbrushes · 11/02/2015 15:06

I normally get on with most people, so I'm surprised that not one of them seems to like me, which makes me think it's not personality clashes but it's my friend bitching about me.

We have been friends since school and she did things like that even then, years ago.

Definitely time to drop them all!

OP posts:
Simile · 11/02/2015 15:06

I'm curious, do you give them lifts or pay more than your fair share of nights out/taxis?

SistersOfPercy · 11/02/2015 15:06

These aren't friends, these are casual aquaintences you meet occasionally.
You are worth more than this group.

GokTwo · 11/02/2015 15:07

You know the answer OP. Ditch them imediately, they sound awful.

Jb291 · 11/02/2015 15:07

I would seriously cut off all contact with these cliquey bitches. They are treating you so disrespectfully, I literally would not bother anymore, don't waste another moment or a second thought on these obnoxious people. Block them on facebook, delete numbers on your mobile and dont look back.

GokTwo · 11/02/2015 15:11

Certainly don't feel bad about yourself OP. I get on with pretty much everyone but I've had the odd experience like this. It's life, who cares if they don't like you, they sound horrible anyway!

confusedandemployed · 11/02/2015 15:13

"I won't bother, thanks" is your response. Then leave the FB group and don't engage.

I am very lucky that I don't know twats like this. They are very lucky they don't know me.

valsoldknickers · 11/02/2015 15:15

YANBU, they sound horrible. They will grind your self esteem down (and probably take pleasure in it).

CarbeDiem · 11/02/2015 15:16

That's awful Pink Flowers

Fuck them all - even if it is your friend doing the bitching that's no reason for the others to treat you like shit.
I'm all for giving people a chance - so even if your friend told me XYZ about you I'd try hard to judge you on how you are with me not what she said - after all there's ALWAYS two sides to a story.

You're better off without them.

DoJo · 11/02/2015 15:16

If their knowledge of you comes from a friend who you know to be bitchy and gossipy then I'm not surprised they haven't got a good impression of you. They might be perfectly nice, but you know that the original 'friend' isn't, so why expect her to present you in your best light to them?

GoEasyPudding · 11/02/2015 15:23

The minibus thing is super rude and they know it.

I would retreat without any drama.

I think if you show any sign of emotion here they will thrive off it for ages.

Quickly arrange something else for that night for yourself, something really nice. Make your excuses like perhaps another friend has tickets for something and you are going to that instead.

Unfollow them on facebook but don't defriend yet.

Back off quietly, when you are ready, keep your eyes peeled for other friends, start doing new stuff for yourself and then when its cooled down nicely defriend and never look back.

Good luck with new stuff and new friends. Its no way to live - feeling awkward in this group. Break free, onwards and upwards.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 11/02/2015 15:23

Oh yes, they're horrible. The taxi thing is unforgiveable.

If you were 14, I'd give you the same advice and you'd probably say 'oh but I can't just walk away, who would I hang around with then?'. And that's what's nice about not being 14 any more - when others act as though they are, you don't have to abide by the same rules!

shovetheholly · 11/02/2015 15:25

You are not being paranoid, they really are that horrible. Sorry, OP Flowers

OnlyLovers · 11/02/2015 15:25

I would retreat without any drama. I think if you show any sign of emotion here they will thrive off it for ages

I agree. I'd say on the FB group 'Thanks but I won't be coming.' Leave the group. Don't make contact.

You need and deserve better friends.

Comito · 11/02/2015 15:31

They sound awful.

Agree with other posters though. No big flounces, just say you're not coming and leave the group.

wewishyou · 11/02/2015 15:31

The taxi thing is rude!!!They sound like pretty lame high school Queen Bees wannabes. You'll be better without them!

sebsmummy1 · 11/02/2015 15:36

They know what they are doing. I think breezy and disinterested is the answer. 'Oh well, never mind, it's a bit too far to make my own way there but I hope you all have a lovely time etc etc'.

Weebirdie · 11/02/2015 15:36

I would make a polite apology and not go, but I wouldnt leave the FB group becuase it would look like a flounce. Just do as someone suggested and unfollow them, and not just because you still being in the group and not bothering with them will bother them a lot more.

weeblueberry · 11/02/2015 15:37

I'd personally be inclined to avoid this particular event but not disengage immediately. Wait a few weeks then do it when there's nothing happening. If you do it now they're just going to accuse you of being the drama queen over one single little thing because then they can justify their own bad behaviour to themselves. Wait until there's not 'drama' and drop em.

bettyboop1970 · 11/02/2015 15:40

Don't go and drop this bunch of 'frenemies'. Real friends don't do that.