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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to disengage from this group of friends as I think they're not being very pleasant about me?

77 replies

PinkHairbrushes · 11/02/2015 14:58

I am friends with a group of women; we meet up regularly for nights out and sometimes meet for lunch. One friend introduced me to the group so really they are all "her" friends and I get invited along to things. My friend has also set up a facebook group for us all to chat and to arrange things.

From day 1 I have had a feeling that a couple of the women just don't like me. They have both always been quite abrupt with me and also very patronising and eye-rolly when they talk to me. I don't want to be paranoid but you know when you just get the feeling that someone doesn't like you?

The others are all a bit more polite to me but all quite standoffish. I feel like a spare part on nights out, even though I have tried so hard to chat to them all and to be nice.

On our Facebook group I will always reply to things and I never really get any likes or acknowledgement for my replies, whilst they are all always liking each others replies.

Final straw now is we are all going out this weekend and we are meant to all be getting a taxi minibus between us. I have just been tagged on the facebook group saying the minibus can only seat 8 of us and as "X is bringing another friend" there won't be room for me and I'll have to make my own way there. It's at a venue 20 miles away!

WIBU to just have nothing more to do with the lot of them? DH thinks that my friend probably bitches about me to them all, as she is a bit like that, hence they don't really like me.

OP posts:
MonkeySeeMonkeyDooo · 11/02/2015 17:40

She is not your friend. They are not your friends. Don't go.

GlitteryLipgloss1 · 11/02/2015 17:47

no way in hell would I want to be friends with those. they are playground bullies with mortgages.

tell them you are busy - forever! x

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 11/02/2015 17:51

They sound foul- is it this bunch?

To want to disengage from this group of friends as I think they're not being very pleasant about me?
Tinkerball · 11/02/2015 17:58

Why do you want to spend time with these people, who sound absolutely horrible. Is there more to the relationship with your friend that makes you want go keep in with her and therefore just have to go along with meeting up with these other women? Because I don't get it - I feel for you though reading the taxi thing because something similar happened to me at school.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 11/02/2015 18:01

Obviously don't go on the night out and walk away from this circle of women.

Value yourself and remember 'life's too short to bother with stupid nasty arses'

Lazaretto · 11/02/2015 18:06

What a bunch of losers! Move on, why waste your time with them. There's lots of lovely people out there!Flowers

TwoOddSocks · 11/02/2015 18:09

Ditch them. The friend that introduced you sounds like a drama lama if she deliberately included you in a group of friends only to bitch about you to them behind your back. They all sound not very nice. If they just don't click with you fine, but why keep inviting you along as a second tier friend?

TheWitTank · 11/02/2015 18:10

I would just quietly fade out of their lives -no drama, no fuss. They will absolutely love to have a reason to validate their bitchy exclusion, and won't have one if you just leave it. Leave the group and if you are asked to join future events/nights out by text respond declining politely and don't engage in conversation. It will naturally come to an end.
Friendships are meant to be life enhancing not a trial. Get out and make some real friends. Flowers

Idefix · 11/02/2015 18:20

As everyone else says op they are no friends of yours. I don't think it matter if you cut them out of your life as of this minute or in a few weeks they sound like they have their minds set. Don't let this knock you back there are nice people out there.
Flowers for you op.

geologyrocks · 11/02/2015 18:22

That's really awful behaviour Angry Angry

Flimflammer · 11/02/2015 18:25

I would be wary of letting them know you are dropping them. If you are their scapegoat and bitching post they need you, so if they get the feeling you are slipping away you will probably get loads of reassurance that they didn't mean anything bad etc etc. There's obviously some weirdness going on that they keep inviting you then acting like they don't want you around. Tiptoe away, definitely no flouncing. Just a breezy thanks but I am busy, stop responding to messages and don't take their calls.

cleanmyhouse · 11/02/2015 18:28

Yuck, worse than the playground. Walk away without a backward glance.

CruCru · 11/02/2015 18:35

Agree with the soft fade out. I hope you have a lovely weekend.

laughingmyarseoff · 11/02/2015 18:41

YANBU, unless you've already paid for the venue and don't want to part with it (and unless it's a lot I'd really consider it) I would't even dignify with a response. Instead I'd phase them out, leave the group and don't even respond.

laughingmyarseoff · 11/02/2015 18:42

I agree with what Flimflammer says as well about them being overly nice if you make it clear you are dropping them. It won't last for long but they'll try and reel you back in.

Coyoacan · 11/02/2015 18:44

I know how it feels, but you really don't have to put yourself through this. You need to dedicate your time to people who you enjoy and who enjoy you.

Hissy · 11/02/2015 18:46

Wow, what a bunch of bitches!

Just don't go, leave the fab group and stop bothering with them. They really aren't worth the bandwidth

carlywurly · 11/02/2015 18:58

What summerhouse said. "No worries, I'll skip this one"
Clear and direct but not stroppy.

I'd go with that and then brush them off in a similar way if they ask you again.

bloodygorgeous · 11/02/2015 19:06

I agree with Grocklebox

Not everyone's going to like you. Who knows why they don't? There could be several reasons.

I really don't go along with the MN's 'bunch of bitches', 'school mum bitches' stuff.

I've known dozens and dozens of women and groups of women in my 49 years and none were a unified group of 'bitches'!

But of course disengage, they are not making you happy - what's the point of 'friends' if you're not enjoying seeing them?

bloodygorgeous · 11/02/2015 19:07

Ps this was grocklebox's post: Sounds like they've been trying to tell you something. You can't get on with everyone, no-one can, and obviously you don't gel with this group. They are your friends friends, and they are probably wondering why she keeps bring you along.
I'm sure you're a perfectly lovely person, but not everyone is obligated to like you or want to be your friend. It doesn't make them awful people

I agree

Aeroflotgirl · 11/02/2015 19:39

How rude, op have nothing more to do with any of them, they are god awful. Make your excuses and don't go.

championnibbler · 11/02/2015 20:05

Just back away slowly but do not let on that you're on to them.
otherwise you'll give them something to talk about.
they all deserve each other.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/02/2015 20:17

Just disengage. If friend invites you out, keep making excuses. Who cares how they feel, even op friend sounds just as bad, bitching about people. Somehow I don't think you will get false reassurances, they sound like they don't want you in the group.

CrapBag · 11/02/2015 20:19

YANBU. They are bitches and not worth your time.

Say "ok i've got the message thanks" then delete and never see them again. This includes your school 'friend' Why did she even introduce you to them? Is she somehow trying to make herself feel better in seeing you treated badly by them?

I hope you have some actual friends.

Hedgehogparty · 11/02/2015 20:55

Agree with just quietly withdrawing from this group. Obviously don't go on the night out, just say you are busy.
This woman you call a friend isn't one at all.