unclean house

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At the weekend I travelled to visit my DSis and her 5mo DD. I have my own 7mo DD but she wasn't with me for this weekend. She lives a 4 hour drive from me so I don't see her that often especially now we both have babies.

DSis house is, to put it lightly, an absolute tip. Clothes, used dishes (some mouldy), rubbish/used nappies, baby toys and just "things" lying everywhere. The dishes clearly haven't been done for a few weeks, there is no clear surface space in the kitchen and you can barely see the carpet in all of the rooms. On the kitchen window there were a lot of dead fruit flies. Herself and her DH "wash when needed" eg. 2 bowls and 2 mugs in the morning. I moved 6 black bin bags (of rubbish) from her utility room to the garden bin when I arrived. We ended up with take out for the 3 nights I was there as washing up enough to make a proper meal would have been too much hassle. I think they have take out the majority of the time. The fridge will filled with out of date food. Her DH works from home and his "office" space was the only semi-organised room in the house. The 2 spare bedrooms are filled to bursting with useless junk. Dsis and Dbil did not have one item hanging up in there wardrobe (all clothes are on the floor or piled up on the dining table) Her DD is well looked after I've no doubt about that (bathed, clean clothes, well fed etc) but I'm just not sure it's safe for her to be living amongst this. They have stopped sterilising her bottles (I don't sterilise my DDs anymore but I'm so worried about the cleanliness of the kitchen).

DSis has always been messy, I thought she would change for her DD sake but apparently not. Having my own baby I completely understand how hard it is to keep on top of everything so part of me is thinking don't say something but the other part of me thinks she has to change as it's just not fair. She has a large home (5 bed/3 bath) compared to my small flat. Her DH doesn't seem bothered about the mess and I'd say they are both 50/50 equal in the (little) housework they do.

She has asked me to come down next month for a week with DD this time but I honestly don't think my crawling baby would be safe in her house. I don't mind staying there myself, she is so welcoming and I don't mind the mess but DD is at that stage where she is getting into everything and puts everything into her mouth!

Would I be unreasonable to say something / what should I say if I do? She would be mortified I'm sure. Or should I presume she realises she needs to tidy up and will do so before we arrive?

If I am being completely unreasonable please let me know. She's the only person I know who lives like this though. Her and her DH are happy.

The staff room carpet at work where we all eat our lunch is covered in crumbs, bits of wrappers, even whole crisps. The tables have spills & crumbs on them. Even the chairs have crumbs on them. It makes me feel unwell to have to eat in there! I clean off the table and the chair I am going to use but with just 30mins lunch break there's no time for anything else.

Then there's the kitchen - it's the general ward kitchen so as an HCA I have to tidy it up. People leave dirty plates & cups IN the sink instead of rinsing them & putting them in the dishwasher - grim. I put my food in the ward fridge as the staff fridge is just gross.

I just think that some of my colleagues (all adults except for the student nurses) must be very dirty at home.
My mum has the same problem with people in her office so it is a widespread issue.

I thought I was messy but after living in shared flats I realised that actually I'm quite a clean & neat person. But I get untidy when I start to get depressed. So then my lovely mum tends to step in and help me out until I get well again. This happens less now because I'm on lots of meds.

OP's sister either has MH issues too, or has let things slide and is now overwhelmed, or both. OR she could just be like some of my colleagues and really not be bothered by the mess.
But I would definitely talk to her about it in a diplomatic way.

ragged I don't think you really can tell your adult child how clean their house should be unless there is abject neglect.(which doesn't seem to be the case)

In our situation the mother of the person concerned rolls her eyes and shakes her head but wisely says nothing. They used to stay there (uncomfortably) when the GC were small and spend their time cleaning and doing DIY but now they sensibly stay in a hotel.

I just think that some of my colleagues (all adults except for the student nurses) must be very dirty at home.
My mum has the same problem with people in her office so it is a widespread issue.

Actually in this case I suspect that its a case of "someone else will do it". Its happened in every place I have worked, which is why you see those signs up everywhere asking people to wash their cups/leave it as you would like to find it etc.

This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done

Au contraire, Cuddles, I think it might be obligatory for parents to do reality checks with their adult kids. If your mum can't say "This place is a pigsty and no fit place to bring a child up in" then Who Can tell you that? I think I'd rather hear it from my mom than from Social Services, anyway. My kids would rather hear it from me than from each other, too.

Different from cutting them off if you don't like the reply or My Way or the Highway attitude, am not saying either of those.

Latara last time I checked, student nurses were adults

Surely leaving dirty nappies lying around, coupled with failure to dispose of other rubbish and refusal to wash dishes, do even basic cleaning and tidying is at best creating an unsanitary and very possibly dangerous environment? It sounds pretty close to neglecting to provide a safe home for the baby.

This isn't just a messy house. It is one where two adults who are at home all day do nothing in the way of even the most basic cleaning or throwing out rubbish, including soiled nappies. That's creating a very real health hazard.

When we deal with houses as you are describing it is usually down to two things, mental health issues or downright laziness and I think your sister and her DH fall into the second category. What I can guarantee is if you spend your time helping her that it won't last long. I think you should get her HV to pay a visit because she needs told by someone in authority. Sorry to be blunt but I have seen it so many times before.