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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be comfortable leaving DS &DD?

177 replies

BabyHaribo · 10/02/2015 13:41

MIL & FIL are having a formal dinner for wedding anniversary in a small hotel. It only has 20 rooms and they are having exclusive use.

I am not comfortable leaving DS.3 and DD 1 in the hotel room whilst we attend the evening meal. Neither of them are good sleeps and often wake up. I also worry about who had access to the room and fire etc. I don't mind sitting in the room whilst they sleep.

MIL & FIL are putting on the pressure saying they don't see the problem and I'm being rudeHmm

AIBU? Would you leave them with a monitor if your party were the only ones in the hotel?

OP posts:
mrsfuzzy · 11/02/2015 10:17

op, some posters are getting a bit judgy, you should go with your own instincts, i get the impression that you posted for clarification that you are doing the right thing by your dc, you don't need to explain your actions to anyone least of all mn.

skylark2 · 11/02/2015 10:20

"Would you leave them with a monitor if your party were the only ones in the hotel?"

Yes. You can hear everything that's going on using the monitor - in a small building, what's the difference from them sleeping in a different room from you at home? How far away can they be? if the three year old decides to run a bath you'd be there in ten seconds, surely?

Of course you may find that they won't settle at which point you'll have to stay with them. Or I'm sure the hotel can recommend a babysitter.

middlings · 11/02/2015 10:23

We stayed in a small country house hotel for my parents 40th wedding anniversary last year, we just had monitors for each of the DDs! Why couldn't you do that?

When it was a big hotel, I had to pay a fortune for a babysitter in the room, but in a small hotel, where the chances of me getting to the children in case of a fire were pretty much the same as if I was in my own sitting room, I did it.

Hakluyt · 11/02/2015 10:28

Mentioning the McCanns in this case is like saying thwt you won't let your child travel in a car strapped properly into a car seat because a child bouncing around unrestrained on the front seat of a car was once flung through the windscreen.

Get a babysitter.

mrsfuzzy · 11/02/2015 10:29

skylark and middlings,there is a bit of difference in in being at home and a small hotel the dc's have never been to. if the op is worried, how the heck is she going to relax and enjoy herself, watching a video screen/ listening to a baby monitor ?? sorry but i prefered to go out knowing that my dc's were at home with a baby sitter/ relative then i could have an adult evening and a glass or four of vino without feeling the need to check on kids every 10 minutes !

SoupDragon · 11/02/2015 10:34

Those on the thread who would not feel comfortable leaving their DCs in a hotel room are not throwing insults like evil, selfish, risk taking, reckless, uncaring, cold, or idiotic about those who would.

That depends whether you count the clear implication that you are a negligent parent as an insult.

mrsfuzzy · 11/02/2015 10:35

hakluyt, as a nurse in a& e, i've seen what happens to kids who aren't restrained properly in car seats, or have sat on someones lap because it was 'only a short trip' and then tere is an accident at any speed, serious harm can be done. you can't begin to imagine what 40 mile s an hour can do to a an adult let alone a young child do you really want the graphic details on here, sorry but that is an incredibly stupid comparsion to make.

Hakluyt · 11/02/2015 10:37

Read my post again. It is a perfectly sensible comparison to make.

fluffyraggies · 11/02/2015 10:43

soupdragon - i've read your post (quoting me) about 10 times and i still don't understand the nuance your getting at Grin Blush

Sorry if i'm being dim. Help me out.

BlackbirdOnTheWire · 11/02/2015 10:47

I wouldn't and neither would anyone in my family now.

Without giving too much detail, a few years back we attended a family wedding in a small hotel. Close relatives had their 2 yo with them, they took her upstairs around 7ish and put her to bed, the rest of the family were all adults at this point so this was the first child of my DC's generation. They were using the hotel's listening service - can't remember if it was a monitor or someone supposedly listening to the phone. My DM was really uneasy about this and kept asking if the parents wanted her to sit with the DC. To keep her quiet they went to check in their DC and found the child tangled up in vomit-soaked sheets in the bedroom floor, choking on her own vomit and struggling to breathe. She'd obviously over indulged on the prawn canapés earlier and it turned out had a shellfish intolerance/allergy. She was eventually ok but they had to call an ambulance to take her to hospital.

My DPs made me promise that night that if we ever had DC, we would never leave young DC in those circumstances.

As for 3 storey houses - we have a second floor. No, we don't let our children sleep on the top floor. Whilst decorating one DC's room, we let them both share rather than have them on a separate floor to us and have that much distance from sitting-room/kitchen to their bedrooms. They are both asthmatic though and I frequently get up several times a night to give one or both inhalers. I would much rather inconvenience myself (and my PIL, though mine are lovely and wouldn't behave like this) than risk either of my DC having a potentially fatal asthma attack whilst we partied.

If it was an important dinner though, I would make every effort to find a babysitter to stay with the DC.

Hakluyt · 11/02/2015 10:47

If a course of action is suggested that people are saying is unreasonable and dangerous, the implication is that any parent who would take that course of action is negligent. Obviously.

Hakluyt · 11/02/2015 10:49

And now someone is swying that they wouldn't do it because something complerely different. Grin

Get a babysitter.

SoupDragon · 11/02/2015 10:50

fluffyraggies you claimed that those who do not feel comfortable are not throwing insults about. I said that depends on whether you count being called a negligent parent an insult or not.

skylark2 · 11/02/2015 10:52

"if the op is worried, how the heck is she going to relax and enjoy herself, watching a video screen/ listening to a baby monitor ??"

But that's not what she asked, is it? It wasn't "AIBU to be worried that my kids won't settle and I won't be able to enjoy myself" (which is a perfectly understandable thing to feel) it was "AIBU to completely refuse to even consider trying, even though the people organising the event have done so in a way which makes it as safe as it could possibly be and even though it would be trivially easy for me to simply go back to the room if it doesn't work out". She's discussed this with her inlaws in advance! For goodness sake, why? You get there, you enjoy the bit of the evening whilethe kids are still awake, and if you need to stay with the kids after they go to bed then so be it. Nobody will even notice.

BlackbirdOnTheWire · 11/02/2015 10:54

Neither my DPs nor my PILs ever left their DC alone in hotel rooms as young children and are insistent that the vast majority of their friends didn't either. At the time of the McCann tragedy they were quite indignant about claims that it's a generational thing, though fear of abduction wasn't the reason.

EdSheeran · 11/02/2015 10:59

Hakluyt You seem quite over-invested in this "get a babysitter" lark.

Lemondrizzletwunt · 11/02/2015 11:00

Hak do you think the OP is stupid? Or had short term memory loss? By my count you've told her to 'get a babysitter' on no less than 5 occasions now.

I happen to agree with you, but you sound like a broken record. Give it up.

mrsfuzzy · 11/02/2015 11:02

hakluyt, i read you post again about making the comparsion with the mcanns, on this page but you seem to forget you said that the case was 'so similar' on page 1, you seem to have done a u turn on yourself ! it's not just about potential abduction, it's falls, climbing, messing about with taps, running baths for the little one etc. you obviously do not look at the over all situation, these things can and do happen. i once had dealings with a young child [2] who drowned in 2 inches of water after, their 4 year old sibling helped them into a bath via standing on a foot stool from the toilet. it was recorded 'misadventure' and the parents have to live with that, because they were ELSEWHERE IN THE HOUSE ! oh, hang on that isn't a hotel is it? your home is so much safer according to some posters.

Hakluyt · 11/02/2015 11:03
Grin

Because everyone else is being ridiculous. The answer is simple. Don't want to leave them? Fine- here is a solution. Sorted.

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 11/02/2015 11:04

Dh and I were having a lovely dinner in a hotel when we were tapped in the shoulder to say that DC1 (aged 4) was in the hotel lobby...I was horrified as he had let himself out of the room, wondered around the corridors for goodness knows how long and thankfully arrived unharmed (I still shudder at the thought of what could have happened).

More worryingly, we had a babysitter in the room/suite at the time Hmm...

mrsfuzzy · 11/02/2015 11:05

sky lark , no, op did not ask about monitors and videos, op have suggested this not me, they are options, but i would not, personally want to use them.

fluffyraggies · 11/02/2015 11:05

Thank you soup.

Hakluyt · 11/02/2015 11:06

I'm pretty sure I didn't say this was "so similar" to th McCsnn's - I'll go back and look!

mrsfuzzy · 11/02/2015 11:06

choc bic what the hell was the b sitter doing?

Hakluyt · 11/02/2015 11:08

Ah. Yes. This is what I said!

"McCann's? Yes- because the circumstances are soooooooooo similar.....hmm"

Grin