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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be comfortable leaving DS &DD?

177 replies

BabyHaribo · 10/02/2015 13:41

MIL & FIL are having a formal dinner for wedding anniversary in a small hotel. It only has 20 rooms and they are having exclusive use.

I am not comfortable leaving DS.3 and DD 1 in the hotel room whilst we attend the evening meal. Neither of them are good sleeps and often wake up. I also worry about who had access to the room and fire etc. I don't mind sitting in the room whilst they sleep.

MIL & FIL are putting on the pressure saying they don't see the problem and I'm being rudeHmm

AIBU? Would you leave them with a monitor if your party were the only ones in the hotel?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 10/02/2015 14:08

Not a bloody chance. Get a babysitter or don't go.
Rather be "rude" than anything happen ( even simply distress let alone anything terrible).

ImperialBlether · 10/02/2015 14:09

You can hire a babysitter through Sitters who will sit in the room with the children, if the children would accept that.

ChrisMooseAlbanians · 10/02/2015 14:10

Nope, YANBU

SuisseRomandeMaman · 10/02/2015 14:10

FWIW a friend of mine was in a similar situation and left her DC in the room. A fire broke out in the hotel. It wasn't serious, the firebrigade came quickly and put it out and the wedding party resumed a while later. Buy my friend was not allowed up the stairs to evacuate her DCs. The hotel were very strick and evacuated the wedding party via the fire exits and she and her DH had an agonising 15 min wait outside until the fire brigade brought them their frightened, teary, cold, pj clad kids.

Hakluyt · 10/02/2015 14:13

Can I ask all the not a bloody chance brigade, if you had, say, a 3 storey house, would you have your children's bedrooms on the 3rd floor and your living room on the ground floor?

AugustaGloop · 10/02/2015 14:15

I have done this with DC who are good sleepers and where I was comfortable with the hotel lay-out. I think if you are not comfortable you should book a baby sitter at the hotel. For an event like this I think it would be reasonable to incur that expenditure (assuming affordable).

NancyRaygun · 10/02/2015 14:17

I would consider doing this TBH - just pop upstairs throughout the evening. The decider is that the party have booked the entire hotel so no randoms etc. I would get a video monitor so you can see them if they are awake.

But I respect your feelings on it and so should your PIL. Its beyond cruel to pressure people to do things they are not comfortable with WRT their children.

Babysitter sounds an excellent option to me!

Ifyoubuildit · 10/02/2015 14:19

I've done both but didn't really enjoy having the children upstairs with the monitor on (they were one floor up in a small hotel with 8 bedrooms). I just wasn't comfortable in a building I didn't know.

Now we always book a babysitter through Sitters. It's worked really well so far. We usually try to book interconnecting rooms or a large family room with an alcove or something so that the sitter doesn't have to sit in the dark.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/02/2015 14:19

This is similar to when my DSis got married in a hotel. We popped kids to bed after meal and then came back to party. We found a local childminder on (whispers) Netmums local childcare board. She sat in the room with them and did something on her computer once they were (eventually) asleep.

CultureSucksDownWords · 10/02/2015 14:19

I'm in the "no way" camp, yet I would have a third floor bedroom in my own home without any problems. It's not the same thing at all. The children would be in their own environment which is familiar to them. The parents could put stairgates in necessary places, and be fully aware of the layout. They would be aware of who is in the house, assuming a sensible front/back door layout and some basic home security.

In a hotel, even one fully booked for the family, there are x number of employees (and anyone who can influence them) that can access the rooms, the layout is not familiar, the room may not be particularly childproof etc etc. I can't see how it's the same.

cestlavielife · 10/02/2015 14:21

just get a baby sitter.
or take them to the dinner and let them fall asleep in buggies.

FaFoutis · 10/02/2015 14:22

I wouldn't leave them, even with a monitor.

Hakluyt · 10/02/2015 14:22

Monitor next to you on the table- how long from first whimper to you being in the room?

BuzzardBird · 10/02/2015 14:26

Culture has just said what I was going to say, it is the case that others can have access to your room... and before anyone says "oh, paedos around every corner" the one I have talked about recently worked in a hotel.

TychosNose · 10/02/2015 14:28

Yanbu
I would not be able to relax. Nothing like having a 3 storey house.
The fire senario mentioned above would be enough to put me off, which wouldn't happen in your own home.
Plus, how could you possibly child-proof the room?

Hakluyt · 10/02/2015 14:29

Has there ever been a case of a child being abducted or abused while in a hotel room with their parents listening on a monitor in the dining room downstairs?

bettyboop1970 · 10/02/2015 14:30

If it's a family dinner the DC's should be there, they are family too!

Hakluyt · 10/02/2015 14:32

Yeah, because there is nothing nicer for pqrents than a family dinner in an hotel with a 3 and a 1 year old!

Bluepants · 10/02/2015 14:33

Get someone to sit in the room with the kids. Do you have any family/friends willing to do this? No way would I leave them. Aside from the extremely slim (but present nonetheless) chance that someone could take them, the 3yo could wake up, walk around completely unsupervised and frankly could come to very serious harm.

NeedABumChange · 10/02/2015 14:33

Small hotel and your party are the only guests?

Baby monitor would be fine, no different than if you lived in a large house. Check on them every hour if it makes you feel better.

Hoppinggreen · 10/02/2015 14:35

The point isn't whether any of us would be happy with this ( most wouldn't by the looks of it) but that OP is not and is being pressured by the in laws.
If she's not happy with the situation then she shouldn't leave them.
It's very different from leaving children upstairs in their own rooms when you can hear them to them being in an unfamiliar hotel room where there is exit and access for others.

Mrscog · 10/02/2015 14:37

I probably wouldn't, but might consider it for a cot bound baby/toddler if I could get the nearest room to the dining room etc. You might find that it's much closer than you think, but even then I don't know if I would. I definitely wouldn't leave 3yo DS alone at the moment, he'd be out of bed and climbing stuff before I could get there - it's bad enough at home!

Hakluyt · 10/02/2015 14:40

You do know it's bonkers to be at all worried about this, don't you? The sort of bonkers that we all are when we have little children and there's nothing you can do about it, but which will pass. You can't do anything about it, so get a baby sitter. But it is bonkers.

Endler32 · 10/02/2015 14:43

Depends on the lay out of the hotel, I have worked in a few smaller hotels and the rooms are quite close to the restaurant so wouldn't be any different then them being in a bedroom at home, you could u a monitor and be able to get to them quickly. If the rooms are quite far from where you will be eating then I wouldn't do it, get a sitter or let the children eat with you.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 10/02/2015 14:51

Hakulet it's not the same, unless the child's 3rd story bedroom had an en suite bathroom and all the other grown up conveniences a hotel room contains.

I sleep on a different floor to my 3 year old and when he wakes he gets out of bed and goes looking for me without making any noise. Sometimes he goes to one of his siblings instead - DH and I can be downstairs chatting with all doors open, yet go up to bed and find he's not there - a short search will uncover him in bed with his brother or sister who each have their own, separate, room. At 1 the fact he used to climb everything (to the point where we'd removed all furniture from his room except a low toddler bed far away from the window) was also a factor.

If children are reliably very sound sleepers it's one thing, but OP's 3 and 1 year old wake a lit in the night. It is entirely probable they will wake and wander about/ get out of the room/ run the bath/ climb on the windowsills or high furniture without giving out a helpful noise to alert the OP over the monitor.

A video monitor would be slightly better - though will the OP's ILs find it equally rude if she is glued to that? And if she doesn't have one (who does? 5% of parents maybe) they are a hefty price for a one off use.

A babysitter would be the only way to make it work if OP is required at the whole meal, or kids fall asleep downstairs if they are that type of kids - I must say mine never were, and got more and more wild and unpredictable the tireder they were, rather than conveniently dropping offto sleep.

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