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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be comfortable leaving DS &DD?

177 replies

BabyHaribo · 10/02/2015 13:41

MIL & FIL are having a formal dinner for wedding anniversary in a small hotel. It only has 20 rooms and they are having exclusive use.

I am not comfortable leaving DS.3 and DD 1 in the hotel room whilst we attend the evening meal. Neither of them are good sleeps and often wake up. I also worry about who had access to the room and fire etc. I don't mind sitting in the room whilst they sleep.

MIL & FIL are putting on the pressure saying they don't see the problem and I'm being rudeHmm

AIBU? Would you leave them with a monitor if your party were the only ones in the hotel?

OP posts:
CultureSucksDownWords · 10/02/2015 14:52

It's not bonkers though. I know the actual chances of something happening are extremely slim, but the potential consequences are awful. So although the risk is minuscule, I wouldn't be able to relax or enjoy myself because of that tiny worry even with a video monitor tbh. It's not about trying to persuade the OP to do something she's not happy about. Her in laws shouldn't be trying to pressurise her to leave them. A babysitter either there or at home would be the best solution assuming the OP still wants to go!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 10/02/2015 14:53

YNBU. There no way in abillion years I'd leaving 2 babies alone in a hotel room

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 10/02/2015 14:59

It's not bonkers.

The chances of a paedophile or kidnapper or real fire are miniscule.

The chances of a fire alarm (preventing op getting to her kids though not harming them) which would be terrifying to the kids and maybe prompt the older 1 to do something dangerous in panic are not large but real - I've been in hotelswhen fire alarms have gone off aaccidentally twice, so false alarms can't be that rare.

The chances of children who wake in the night a lot waking in the night and going looking for their parents (especially the 3 yo) are really not small at all!

Hakluyt · 10/02/2015 15:06

"The chances of children who wake in the night a lot waking in the night and going looking for their parents (especially the 3 yo) are really not small at all!"

And a parent will be there 90 seconds after they wake.........

Bluepants · 10/02/2015 15:07

Well only if they wake noisily!

Hakluyt · 10/02/2015 15:10

What are the chances of a child waking silently in an unfamiliar bedroom.............

Anyway, OP. Get a babysitter. Not sure why you had to ask, to be honest!

CultureSucksDownWords · 10/02/2015 15:11

It would be easy enough to miss them waking up especially if they did wake quietly. If you weren't looking at the monitor at that particular moment, or the noise was drowned out by talking/laughter/background noise. You'd have to be glued to the monitor, not exactly relaxing.

And anyway, it doesn't matter. The OP isn't comfortable with the idea, so her in laws shouldn't be pressurising her. It would have been much much nicer of them to have offered to pay all or part of the costs of a babysitter rather than laying on the emotional blackmail.

FaFoutis · 10/02/2015 15:12

My DH's parents did this a lot when he was a baby. He was sick all over himself repeatedly one night, they found him in it hours later. You wouldn't necessarily hear that on a baby monitor.

Theonlyoneiknow · 10/02/2015 15:13

I've done it. We had a video monitor set up and the room was the nearest we could get to the dining room. The hotel was booked out by the whole wedding party. DS was 9 months.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 10/02/2015 15:14

Hakulet are you reading selectively? Just because your child / children made enough noise to alert you immediately when they got up in the night doesn't mean the OP'S do. My DD used to yell when she woke, my DS1 rarely woke, but my DS2 gets up quietly and goes wandering - we can be only one flooraway with intervening doors open, no tv or music on and awake chatting internet ting and not know he has left his room and gone and got into bed with a sibling in another room (without waking them).

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 10/02/2015 15:17

She asked because her in laws are making her doubt herself Hakulet - perhaps they told her she was bonkers and not thinking clearly due to baby brain...

Hakluyt · 10/02/2015 15:17

Really? Our monitor had lights on that flashed at the slightest noise. Plonk it of the table-you couldn't miss it!

Why, by the way, should the PIL pay for the babysitter? I wish I'd known when mine were smaller that the host paid for the babysitter- do you think I can issue retrospective bills? And shoul I pay for the sitter my friend is getting so that she can come to dinner with us on Saturday?

MrsTawdry · 10/02/2015 15:18

We are all shouting into the void anyway. OP's not been back since posting.

OP if you DO come back....why don't you just not go at all? I'm with you by the way...would not leave DC in hotel....but I don't get why you're going just to "sit in the room" whilst others eat?

Pinksuitcase · 10/02/2015 15:23

I left my 18 month old asleep in a hotel room a couple of weekends ago, the hotel had a listening service through the telephone. I settled her down to sleep, went to dinner and went to bed afterwards, she slept peacefully in her cot both nights. I was happy to do this, I was probably a way from her for 2 hrs. I'm very lucky she is a good sleeper, and when she's down, she's out for the night.

However, your kids your choice

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 10/02/2015 15:29

I am quite uptight about this sort of thing. However, the family have sole occupancy. We annually go away to a self catering lodge or house, and my little ones go off to bed at bedtime. We have a different house each year, and as there areusually 18+ of us, the houses are big. Very big.

No way would I hire a sitter for the bedtimes or spend every evening upstairs incase they come find me.

The situation OP is almost exactly the same as that.

As the rooms are only occupied by the OPs family, presumably they can pick the most suitable room?

CultureSucksDownWords · 10/02/2015 15:30

Haklyut, I'm not saying the in laws should pay for the babysitter. I said that it would have been a nice gesture for them to have made, rather than applying emotional blackmail instead.

And of course baby monitors have flashy lights on them, I think the design is quite standard? But as already mentioned not all children make a noise when they wake, and even with the monitor in front of you, you won't always be looking directly at it for the whole evening.

And still, this is all moot. The OP it's comfortable with it, so for her in laws to pressurise her is not on. Also pointless for anyone here to try and persuade her that it won't bother her. She feels how she feels and it isn't uncommon.

rumbleinthrjungle · 10/02/2015 16:31

I recently spent a night in a family friendly hotel with dn aged 2 and am shuddering at the thought of what he could have found to do in happy silence in that room if left unsupervised.

I couldn't do it either, but the bottom line is if you, who know your children best, are not happy about it then that's your decision made, you don't feel ok about it. Coping with the PiLs' disappointment: some of this will be generational, children were left far more unsupervised without worry thirty or forty years ago, but times have changed. Babysitter is a really good suggestion, the hotel may have one they use regularly, but otherwise is it a case of looking for what can be done in the afternoon/tea time with the children, after which you and they go upstairs? Or if it's purely an evening meal do, would it be better for you and the children to not attend? The children aren't going to be this small for long, for a year or two the whole extended family just need to accomodate it.

Original poster
BabyHaribo · 10/02/2015 16:39

Thank you Smile

PIL Were making me wonder if I was being a bit precious!

DH agrees with me but is like a doormat when talking to his mother. Really winds me up wrt our children!

Hotel is 6 hour drive away so no other family or friends to babysit but will contact hotel and see what they say. It's not a very child friendly one thou!

I am going because they are having a brunch on the Sunday and want the grandchildren to be there - when it's convenient for them!

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 11/02/2015 00:10

"am going because they are having a brunch on the Sunday and want the grandchildren to be there - when it's convenient for them!"

Well that does actually sound quite reasonable- Saturday night posh dinner for adults- Sunday brunch with children!

The hotel will probably have numbers for babysitters. Failing that, try Sitters-they cover most places.

CuddlesfromChickens · 11/02/2015 00:23

Hakluyt you are wrong on this. It's not 'bonkers'. A three storey house (which I have) is in no way comparable to a small hotel.

We stayed in a small hotel recently, a guest lit up a cigarette in one if the rooms, triggering the fire alarm. No one was allowed upstairs.

Can you imagine if your children were upstairs - alarms going off blue murder, frightened children locked alone in room, taken out by firemen?

Whereas if I burn the toast in my house, I shut off the alarm in 2 secs and pop upstairs to settle anyone down.

My children (who are sturdy little things) get worried if they can't locate a parent in the house reasonably quickly - they'd be terrified if they woke up alone in a pitch black hotel room.

OP you are right - stick to your guns.

Hakluyt · 11/02/2015 00:32

I've been staying in hotels regularly for many years- not one fire alarm.

And leaving the room in pitch darkness would be a bit daft.

But I gave said all along, get a babysitter,

CuddlesfromChickens · 11/02/2015 00:51

Ah well then Hakluyt you must be right.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 11/02/2015 00:54

YANBU go with your instincts they won't let you down.

Hakluyt · 11/02/2015 00:59

Yes I am right. But get a sitter.

I probably would have too. But not for rational reasons. Rationally, you don't need one. But nothing wrong with doing things for bonkers reasons. Particularly when you have tiny children. Just don't get cross with people who have left that particular bonkersness behind them, and don't remember it.

Hakluyt · 11/02/2015 01:15

The thing is, if you try to argue something from a rational point of view when you actually don't have a rational leg to stand on, you can't win, and can end up looking as if you have an ulterior motive, or are actually a bit precious or hysterical. If you just laugh and say "Yes, I know it's bit bonkers of me, but I just don't want to leave them alone, so I'm getting a sitter" there is nothing anyone can say- the wind is completely out of their sails and it's an end to it. No unnecessary conflict- and they are the ones who look bad if they bring it up again.