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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that school mums (you know) who don't smile or say hello and look past you as if you are invisible..

51 replies

queensansastark · 10/02/2015 10:49

......are actually rude?! Or is that just me? Am I expecting too much or is that just modern manners these days?

OP posts:
18yearstooold · 10/02/2015 10:51

Busy
Depressed
Nervous

???

Storm15 · 10/02/2015 10:51

I think quite a few of the ones that don't smile / say hello are just really shy.
The ones that look past you like you're invisible are rude.

motherofallaunts · 10/02/2015 10:51

Poor eyesight?
Morning fug?

Or yes, bad manners. You're probably NBU about at least some of them.

I try to paste a constant grin on my face for the entirity of the school run in case of being one of "those mums" you speak of.

Storm15 · 10/02/2015 10:52

I stand corrected, rude or busy! I know my mind is often racing with what I have to do next once I've dropped the kids off.

Nationalmust · 10/02/2015 10:53

Are they not just thinking of work, things to do, the forgotten or kit rather than deliberately blanking you. I am cheery and chatty some days and wouldn't notice if I passed Joan Collins on other mornings.

CantBeBotheredThinking · 10/02/2015 10:53

I use the school run as a time to mentally plan the day so if I look straight past you it is because I am totally distracted with my thoughts.

fredfredsausagehead1 · 10/02/2015 10:53

I completely agree it's very rude to walk past people and its ve4u easy to fake a cheery hello/good morning

But some of the mornings I have had, I have not been in this world , or in a terrible terrible moodConfused

Or just couldn't be arsed to say hello
Or was on the verge of tears so couldn't open my mouth
Etc etc

Original poster
queensansastark · 10/02/2015 10:54

This wasn't a school run scenario. It was a group of sporty mums sat down watching a football match.

OP posts:
RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 10/02/2015 10:55

YANBU. There are some parents I see on the preschool run daily who I don't think would recognise me. It's not shyness as I see them chatting to the mothers they know. I'm not very socially confident but always make eye contact and smile at the other parents in passing.

Original poster
queensansastark · 10/02/2015 10:57

And it was two incidents where I thought we'd catch eyes ( both looking at each other's direction) and I'd say a quick hello or exchange a smile....but it seemed like I caught her eyes but her eyes looked straight past.

OP posts:
SunsofAlanKey · 10/02/2015 10:59

I think on occasion I have done this, not because I am rude or superior, but because I am shortsighted and don't always wear glasses. I am sometimes in a world of my own and will only process who I know as they have gone past. But I do try and greet people warmly when I get it right. I think we are guilty of over-thinking the whole gate thing.

CuddlesfromChickens · 10/02/2015 10:59

It depends. If they are always like that it may be that they are shy, anxious (I had no idea how many anxious people there were before joining MN), manically busy or in fact just rude.

If they are only occasionally like that it could also be one of the above.

Why does it bother you?

When I was a SAHM I was always in the middle of crowd of chatty people at the school gate, now I am back at work and hardly ever there I often stand on my own, even though they all know me and like me.

It doesn't bother me, it's not about me. It's about the group dynamic.

Maybe the fact they don't always say hello/smile isn't about you.

Original poster
queensansastark · 10/02/2015 10:59

It did feel like something of a deliberate blanking....otherwise I wouldn't be posting here....but I admit I could be wrong

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 10/02/2015 11:00

Yanbu it seems like they are deliberately avoiding you. Can you think of any reason for this?

CantBeBotheredThinking · 10/02/2015 11:00

Did the other mum flinch or avert her eyes quickly if so then yes being rude if not then just completely in a world of her own.

Original poster
queensansastark · 10/02/2015 11:02

Nope.

OP posts:
Original poster
queensansastark · 10/02/2015 11:03

As in no I can't think any particular reason why she would avoid me

OP posts:
LegoSuperstar · 10/02/2015 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
queensansastark · 10/02/2015 11:04

It wasn't one of those chaotic situations Lego. But we are all in the same boat there though aren't we.

OP posts:
however · 10/02/2015 11:06

My eyesight is fading. From a distance I have trouble telling my girls apart. I don't wear glasses though.

Original poster
queensansastark · 10/02/2015 11:07

We were sat 2 feet away from each other.

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 10/02/2015 11:08

I can be guilty of this. I'm usually very friendly and say hi to everyone I pass or give a smile, but some mornings when I'm in a mad rush to get to work (I don't have a huge amount of time between drop off and start time) I am literally running in the school gate and back to the car. I'm usually so focused on what I'm doing with lunchboxes/bags/trip money/water bottles/planning my work schedule in my head that I barely give a glimpse to the people I pass. Luckily most of them know what it's like and we all have those moments so we laugh it off. The other morning one mum made me jump out of my skin as I was trotting back to the car in a daydream -she was walking past me and I hadn't even noticed! I'm sure some people are rude, but some are shy, busy or distracted.

KatelynB · 10/02/2015 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClassSize · 10/02/2015 11:13

I have done this - my eyes may look in someone's direction but my brain is elsewhere - any actually my eyes are really totally glazed over.

I do try mostly to smile and chat. But sometimes you know, I am elsewhere mentally - even if apparently standing with a group of people.

And sometimes it happens to me - the being blanked by someone else thing. And I think "meh". If a one off - the person is away with the fairies on that occasion. If they do it all the time they are not worth worrying about - though with the caveat I will always be polite to them - they may have blanked me because they are a caahhh....but it maybe shyness/home worries etc etc.

To shorten all of my waffle ^ just chill, don't fret. Be nice yourself. End.

chocoluvva · 10/02/2015 11:14

Great advice from Katelyn.

Don't let it get to you. You don't need these women in your life. Find some nice people instead.