To think that school mums (you know) who don't smile or say hello and look past you as if you are invisible..

[queensansastark]

......are actually rude?! Or is that just me? Am I expecting too much or is that just modern manners these days?

So you said 'hello' and she ignored you? From two feet away?

Either:
She didn't hear you (was she talking to someone else?)

She didn't want to speak to you.

You aren't giving us enough details to tell? But quite frankly you were there so you should be able to tell whether she was being rude or not.

Are you sure she wasn't expecting YOU to catch her eye, smile and say hello and was surprised when you didn't?? Unless of course you did smile broadly and say hello and she blanked you then. The way you've written it makes it sound a little like you were looking at her, but then didn't say hello yourself?

I know what you mean but don't overthink it, I used to, then I reailsed people have a lot of things in their lives, I try to say hello to all I know even just a smile or wave sometimes I dont.
I'm either just finished a nightshift and not even sure what day it is! or like recently we lost our dmil and I could not face people so I got in and out avoiding all I could. I hoped those who knew me would not be offended and the other well I didnt care.

I'm sure it's not personal, although you always get the odd one so what! Go about your school run and enjoy the day, don't dwell its a wate of time.

I was looking at her and smiled...but nothing...just nothing..anyway, doesn't matter.

Shake it off...shake it off... a la taylor swift.

and it was not like this..

She just stated back at you unblinkingly and ignored you in a room full of people?

Because that takes some doing.

People I know have been told by myself to come up and shake me if they see me out. I'm very shortsighted and a bit of a day dreamer. I also have a resting bitch face. I can't win

No I don't think they're being rude. They're probably just distracted or thinking about stuff they've got to do or if like me then trying to keep track of two under 5's.
I've been "ignored" or not seen many times, I don't think anything of it and assume they had something on their mind/busy/talking to someone else. I've probably done it to other people too but not intentionally!

Had your DS tackle her DS perhaps?

Had your DS let a goal in?

Is your DS faster/better/nimbler?

think you might be onto something there chocoluvva...but i'd like to think people are not petty like that.

Ok, I'll bite!

Maybe they are a close set of friends, and were having a chat about stuff concerning themselves, and didn't want a newcomer to join them.

Just because your children are in the same sport, or at the same school, doesn't oblige them to them to take you under their wing.

it is a bit unpleasant that she didn't acknowledge you, but perhaps she senses your neediness, and thinks you might be hard to shake?

I know Ill get jumped on for putting this point of view, but everybody has freedom to choose whether to engage with someone or not.

The school mums are soo cliquey at my charge's school. I was havigmba conversation in the que once with one and suddenly her friend appeared and she walked off mid sentence! So ignorant and rude a simple of excuse me I need to quickly talk to "Jane doe" then walk off!

Hellkitty resting bitch face! I have one too, I try to force my face into a semi permenate grin/grimace when on the school run so as not to upset anyone.

Seriously OP - I used to waste so much time and mental energy on this sort of thing (that and obsessing about it when a couple of people I knew met up without me and feeling "excluded") but as I get older I tend to assume that:

• most people are basically nice
• people are busy, and often distracted
• its okay if someone is feeling antisocial once in a while
• everyone is has shy and anxious tendencies deep down - they're probably no more confident than you are
• people enjoy my company, but don't need to include me every time they plan anything
• I don't need other people to make me feel worthwhile

Sometimes I notice people after I've gone past and I think "ooh should have said hello!" and I feel people will think I'm horribly antisocial.

Then I realise that they have not said hello either!

So if you were rude op, because you didnt say hello then yes, those mums were rude. Or neither of you were rude perhaps..?

I did it this morning, saw someone and then didn't say hello, so maybe the other mother hadn't seen me but then it might of looked like I was ignoring her. But I was focusing on DS2 and making sure he didn't run off. I did say hello to her on the way out of school.

Another mum saw me but was concentrating on getting her kids into school so she didn't wave/say hello.

It happens. Don't take it so personally.

The other day I was at the leisure centre, I knew my kid's friend's mum was going to be there, and yet it still took three 'hello's from her before I snapped out of the little world I was in and realised I should say hello back..

I don't think I'm much more single minded than other people, if I get blanked I just assume their mind is on something else and carry on my day.

It was probably me OP.

I either haven't got my contact lenses in, depressed, like a zombie on medication, or zombie from lack of sleep or just generally needing to keep myself to myself.

I didnt speak to any parents for the first 3 years of school. I couldn't be fucked, they were (are) really lovely. But I didnt have anything to give.

Pretty much how I feel again now, but they know what he crack is now and know Ive got Shit Stuff that is going on.

I've met some like this. Concentrate on people who share your values on being pro-social. (It's not necessarily needy to be friendly!) Shrug shoulders and move on.

I am a person who needs to be invited into a conversation with acquaintances so would not sit with an established group. The group probably think I am a snotty cow who would rather sit by myself than join them.

It's not necessarily needy to be friendly - well put.

Perhaps this woman was distracted and therefore accidentally being rude, perhaps she is very busy and got the impression that OP might be 'needy' so she's frightened of engaging in case it leads to more demands on her time - still rude though. You can let someone know that you're not on the market for involved friendships without completely blanking them!

Nah, odds on this women just doesn't have as much class as OP

It's rude to assume that someone is needy and even if they are it's unkind to write them off for that reason.

I speak to the nicer parents at the school, but there are some horrors I choose to avoid as I am sure some avoid me. I am guilty of not wearing my glasses and this morning I looked straight through a lovely lady who I mistook for the DM of the school bully who nearly broke my grandsons arms a few weeks ago.

As a grandparent carer, I have seen this nonsense before. It doesn't last as cliques fall out and children move on.

We have one at the school reminiscent of The Wickerman/Hot Fuzz. It is funny watching adults jockeying for position, forcing their kids to mix with others they don't even like, but understand it is for the greater good.