...to ask MN-ers NOT to join in this glorification of domestic abuse? (contains spoilers)

[Floundering]

Fifty Shades of Shite

Can't believe the naivety and abuse deniers on here and amongst my friends.

DV campaigners such as Womens Aid & National Centre for Domestic Violence are urging people not to see this film.

It is not "just a piece of fun" it normalises abusive, controlling relationships as sexy, and it really bothers me so many women are colluding in supporting such crap that could hurt other more vulnerable women.

The BDSM community are frothing too as if done properly between 2 consenting adults with lots of planning, mutual respect and lots of affection and downtime after it can, for some, apparently be mindblowing. ( doesn't lift my skirt but respect those who do enjoy) this is not portrayed safely in this film.

Thanks Betty.

I feel like I may have stepped back in to the dark ages on this thread.

Hahaha betty I fear the worlds gone mad

And after 26 years of the same bloke, lovely as he is and dearly as I love him, we need role play and fantasy to get there these days.

And why bloody not. It's fun you know fun.

Fantasy not real life fantasy.

Anyway back to the film.

I thought the reviews of the film were out and it's apparently quite mushy/ tame?

I also give up.

I have the right and the mental capacity to decide if I am being raped or not.

The situations are not the same at all.

I give up too I can't repeat myself anymore I am looking forward to watching the film though

I'm not defending the book?mi haven't even read it.

I saw the thread title, got curious,clicked on it, and saw a load of claptrap holding up examples of things I enjoy as abuse and control.

I was merely pointing out it isn't that black/white.

You all seem determined to defend the book under the mistaken premise that it is a fantasy about a loving relationship between two consenting adults that includes BDSM.

Jesus fucking christ mary PLEASE scroll back a few pages and see that most people agree its NOT A BOOK ABOUT BDSM.

BDSM "defending" was brought into the equation when people started to liken it with fucking child abuse and say that consenting adults cant do whatever the hell they like with eachother.

I give up too.

Wasn't defending the book! Not criticising either it's not worth the effort as it's a light novel.

Maryz no it's not rape don't be ridiculous and melodramatic and worse down play real rape.

The previous poster who shuddered that lots of women fantasise about a strong man raping them well get over it. Some women fantasise about that. So what.

Last words from me on this thread

its a fantasy so not real and it does not mean these women want to he raped in real life

Now off to B&Q to get some cable ties.

I gave up ages ago but I keep coming back because people seem determined to spew the same garbled shit that was dealt with pages ago

Read the thread, and then rant away.

And now, I give up

I thought the reviews of the film were out and it's apparently quite mushy/ tame?

Yes, as i suspected, like the book it seems like the 'bdsm' aspect of this is actually fairly tame. It's going to be vanilla with a bit of spanking. But, as has been said a bloody million times now, it's not the BDSM that is the problem, it's his creepy controlling behaviour outside of the bedroom that's the problem - the telling her when to eat, the turning up at nightclubs and whisking her away, the sabotaging her job, the general intensity with a complete lack of any sort of relaxation/humour within the relationship - all dressed as part of a BDSM relationship. That is the bit that people seem to be just mistaking as romance.

I wonder if he will generally be as controlling in the film? Like Edward Cullen?

Flora said that bdsm was wrong

Wouldn't touch it with a ten foot bargepole. Nor the books.

Maryz no it's not rape don't be ridiculous and melodramatic and worse down play real rape.

How the hell is it not rape to have sex with a woman who hasn't consented? THAT IS WHAT RAPE IS. What planet are you on?

I can see how a safe word could spoil it for someone who is turned on by the idea of absolute control (having or ceding)

I was convinced that a safe word was a must in BDSM and that the receiver was the one actually in control.

a dominant who wouldn't want a safe word would be defined as abuser in my book.

I never said I would recommend not using a safe word and it is a must in bdsm. It was my choice not to do it I felt it wasn't necessary my husband only does bdsm because I ask it is not his fantasy but mine a nd he is not an abuser

Flora said she thought bdsm in general was wrong and couldn't see why anyone would find positives in it

Probably best not to watch action movies either then OP, 'cos some of the characters get shot and that's not very nice.

I'm almost tempted to go to B&Q and see if they have little "50 shades" displays set up, so that you can buy all your bondage equipment in one place....

Women tend to bring bdsm into the bedroom not men. so explain how women are vulnerable.

TheOneRing, judging by your previous posts, it would be tricky for anyone to explain it to you in words you would understand.

Betty yet again appropriating homosexuality to support your argument. You seem fine with some comparisons and not with others. I personally wouldn't compare acting out BDSM with acting out child abuse nor animal abuse because of the problems with vulnerability and inability to consent. But if you are going to say that fantasising about anything is acceptable, it's reasonable to test out whether you think that applies to child abuse.

I don't agree that issues of vulnerability or consent can be waived away in the context of adult BDSM. There are a lot of damaged people in BDSM and continually pointing out undamaged people doesn't change that.

Thread moved on since I wrote my post. I'll need to read back.