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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think what he said in his sleep is evidence of an affair?

129 replies

lennon80 · 09/02/2015 09:28

My husband has come back from a business trip this weekend having been in Latin America for the last two weeks. Last night in his sleep he was having a 'sexy dream' and I could hear him say things like 'muy bonita' and groining then he was saying' mi amor, mi amor' (My love).

I woke him up and confronted him, he claims that he cant remember the dream and he thinks the only thing it can be is because he has watched some soft porn in Spanish. What do you think?

OP posts:

Roussette · 09/02/2015 15:59

Glad to help LadyGlen but it's not a bucketload of laughs doing the 'act' with KL if you get my meaning
I haven;'t told DH about Keith Lemon as it only happened last week and I would far rather pretend to be a femme fatale and it be Bradley Cooper or whoever. It's a tad embarrassing to admit that I've done something in my dreams with KL so I shall keep that one quiet

YesIDidMean - he has described the dream so much to me, I feel like I'm in it! And to be dreaming but knowing it's a dream like you are must be really weird. I may laugh about it but he makes crying and screaming noises just like someone is chasing him. Well, he would do I s'pose as he thinks someone is, he sounds terrified! so do I, but that's because it's Keith Lemon

microferret · 09/02/2015 19:43

Hehe getting a good laugh out of this thread love Daryl's "waiting". This stuff is always more creepy when whispered somehow.

YesIDid - a friend of mine used to often wake up screaming. He did it once on a plane as it was coming in to land - just stood up and screamed, still asleep, over and over. Lots of other passengers on the plane freaked out and started screaming too. He woke up utterly confused, to a plane full of screaming people staring at him and an air hostess attempting to quiet him. Must have been terrifying for all involved at the time but pretty funny in hindsight.

OP I reckon life would be great if we could shag the people we'd like to in our dreams, but that rarely happens. The human subconscious isn't nearly as helpful or exacting as that. He was probably having sex with a cactus in a dress. It probably seemed normal at the time.

I think you're possibly more upset by the porn than the dream?

Chiggers · 09/02/2015 20:21

DH once told me that I was massaging his back and telling him that I was using a new technique to get bubbles out of wallpaper. Apparently I was having a full blown convo with him while dreaming about decorating my friend's flat (which, in my dream, we moved into pre-DC). He also told me that I'd got irate with him mid-dream and told him to go make me a cup of tea and stop annoying me or I'll fall off the ladders. I remember only bits of the dream, but never realised I'd acted most of it out.

In another dream, I woke DH and shouted "Fuck you ya rancid old bitch, and if you touch my kids again, I'll knock 20 shades of shite outta ya" and lay back down like nothing happened.

Where TF do I get these dreams from is beyond me

HellKitty · 09/02/2015 22:34

On the first night away with my exH he woke screaming in the night about the antichrist. I would like to put OPs mind at rest but I fully imagine that my exH DOES think I'm the antichrist now. Totally forgotten about that one.

GingerLDN · 09/02/2015 22:50

I have lots of dreams about lots of people. Always wake up hoping hubby didn't hear, more because it'd be embarrassing than because he'd take it as evidence of an affair. Me and a certain talent show judge with bad hair and high trousers have never done it in real life. But we may have done in one of my dreams this week...

TheIronGnome · 09/02/2015 22:53

I had a sex dream about the man who had plastic surgery to look like a cat once...

And another about Paul Robinson from Neighbours pushing letters through my letterbox, I had no idea my sleeping brain was so good at sexual euphemism!

Momagain1 · 09/02/2015 22:55

If he has been speaking, working, thinking, and wanking, in spanish for 2 weeks, that he is still sleep talking in Spanish is unsurprising.

BlinkAndMiss · 09/02/2015 22:58

Op, you can't hold him responsible for what happens in his dreams! Laugh and move on :).

Violetta007 · 09/02/2015 22:59

How do you know that you haven't said I love you to some random bloke that's appeared in your dreams

Momagain1 · 09/02/2015 23:02

Also, just because he was talking in spanish doesnt mean he wasnt tslking to you. In his dream, you may be a fluent Spanish speaker. Or, dream you may have asked him to say romantic things in Spanish.

It's a dream

Longdistance · 09/02/2015 23:13

My h often talks in his sleep. Even when dosing on the sofa.

One time, he woke from a dose, and said '£1.39 it's in the book' and closed his eyes again to nod off.

MoanCollins · 09/02/2015 23:16

Lee Ryan was quoted in the press this week as saying that he had a dream about having sex with a cat. He made it very clear that he wasn't sexually attracted to cats though. The thing is, I imagine Lee Ryan has had sex with most things, but if it's possible for even Lee Ryan to have a sexy dream about something he hasn't had sex with (a cat) then surely the same can be true of your husband?

SkaterGrrrrl · 09/02/2015 23:17

"Yes he wouldn't dream of using porn whilst in our home, he knows I wouldn't have that. But I guess its pointless for me to expect he isn't going to look at it whilst away."

Not pointless at all. Does he check in his respect for you (and all women) at the airport check in desk? No?

emmelinelucas · 09/02/2015 23:20

If you don't have any worries apart from his dreaming and no reason to really, truly doubt him, forget it.
I will say it again.
It's a dream.
My DH says things he wouldn't dare to say when awake (modesty prevents me from telling anyone)

SnowBells · 09/02/2015 23:27

OMG.

All your dreams...

I've been laughing uncontrollably!

vinegarandbrownpaper · 09/02/2015 23:29

After 9-11 I had dreams about being on a flight that just wouldn't take off..or one I had tomiss because of some excuse or something not ready.. and I would say the reason out loud and sometimes wake myself up. I told my mum and instead of 9-11 she said some thing calm and annoying like 'well you have rather missed the boat a lot haven’t you' I am sure there were strangling dreams after that, but I haven't been charged for incovenienced passengers or attempted murder yet...hth

NCIS · 10/02/2015 08:38

I think porn can be more readily available in some countries, I've switched over channels in hotels to find my self watching soft porn and carried on watching it for a few minutes in a rather 'how the hell do they get in that position' sort of way.

I wouldn't make an active choice to watch it at home but it is very easy to stumble upon in a hotel as I found out when I left my kids in the room watching TV.

I know porn bores my DH (no decent plotlines he says ) but if he was very bored on his own in a hotel room he may well carry on watching for a while and that wouldn't bother me.

MerryMarigold · 10/02/2015 09:40

Keep talking openly about the porn and any sexual frustration, I think. For example, maybe when he is away you could have sexy phonecalls or chat to help him out. It is a bit different with a new baby as you're BOTH too tired to really want sex - but working away, lots of time on your hands outside work. How long is he away for? Is it a situation for him where he actively pays for the porn or seeks it out? Is it on the TV, as NCIS says? Just to keep him talking about it. If he feels that he can't talk about it with you, it may push him 'undercover'. It can become an addiction and, to be honest, it is very easy to do it in your own home on a computer whilst your wife is asleep or just in another room.

My dh has been through times like this (when the kids were small and we had very little sex, and also very little emotional intimacy). It did really hurt me, but being about to talk about it, and not feel too condemned (ok, I wasn't happy, but I didn't go on and on, and I was happy to talk it through with him) helped him to stop.

DuchessofCuntbridge · 10/02/2015 10:05

What an absolutely ridiculous assumption

GingerLDN · 10/02/2015 11:57

I've had the Harry Styles dream too, he's popular. I was hoping Zane would make an appearance too but no such luck.

iknowimcoming · 10/02/2015 12:12

Years ago DH punched me in the face whilst asleep, not hard enough to do any damage but it scared the bejesus out of me and I woke up howling like a child, he was mortified! He does occasionally kick out in his sleep and as he is a karate black belt that can really hurt which is why we now have a super king size bed and at the first sign of him getting twitchy in his sleep I either wake him up or move well away don't worry about it op!

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 10/02/2015 12:14

Id have preferred Zane too ginger

iknowimcoming · 10/02/2015 12:22

Btw great name duchess!

Ems1812 · 10/02/2015 12:23

I must admit, if my DP was saying that in his sleep, I would find it bloody hilarious!

I don't think he's having an affair, he just really enjoyed that porn film.

crymeariverwoo · 10/02/2015 13:33

I have had many dreams that definitely didn't happen in real life.

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