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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think what he said in his sleep is evidence of an affair?

129 replies

lennon80 · 09/02/2015 09:28

My husband has come back from a business trip this weekend having been in Latin America for the last two weeks. Last night in his sleep he was having a 'sexy dream' and I could hear him say things like 'muy bonita' and groining then he was saying' mi amor, mi amor' (My love).

I woke him up and confronted him, he claims that he cant remember the dream and he thinks the only thing it can be is because he has watched some soft porn in Spanish. What do you think?

OP posts:
Roussette · 09/02/2015 13:29

I groin Keith Lemon in my sleep to groin is like to heart only sexier

I loathe Keith Lemon and find him revolting but that didn't stop him and I doing filthy things the other night. (I've tried to forget it, but it keeps coming back like a bad dream)

AnyFucker · 09/02/2015 13:40

that must have been extremely disturbing, roussette Smile

thenightsky · 09/02/2015 13:50

I dreampt (dreamed? is dreampt a word?) that I shagged my boss. Very embarassing when I remembered it the next day. I wonder if he ever dreams he's shagging me. I guess he must. [worried]

flora717 · 09/02/2015 13:50

I was groining Sam / Jon from Bellowhead in my dream last night. In real life I find them talented etc, but...
I woke up very perplexed. I really don't think my DH has cause to worry!

SergeantJarhead · 09/02/2015 13:55

I am absolutely crushed with laughter at some of these dreams Grin
My DH and I always have a good laugh when he dreams that I've left him/had an affair, you need to brush that stuff off, it isn't real!
I remember watching Phonebooth with my friend at a sleepover when I was younger, and when I was asleep she thought it would be hysterical to lean right into my face and whisper 'Don't you get the game yet?'. I woke up screaming and punched her in the nose (reflex? I am not a violent person.)

Gruntfuttock · 09/02/2015 13:55

"is dreampt a word?"

No, but dreamt is.

DeWee · 09/02/2015 13:56

When dh talks in his sleep he says nonsense words that make complete sense to him. I can talk back to him and he answers.
"Uggly pathen"
"So you're going to do all the washing up for a week?"
"sar tablin"
"Good that's agreed!"

Then I wake him up and tall him what he's agreed to do. Grin

AnyFucker · 09/02/2015 13:57

it sounds like it should have a "p" in it

HellKitty · 09/02/2015 14:02

DP once dreamt that I was shagging some well hung gym instructor on one of those wobbly machines. When he woke up it was hours before he'd look me in the face and talk to me, he's just hiss, 'you know what you've done...'.

So obviously being the caring woman I am, I bring it up from time to time or tell him I'm popping to the gym if I'm all made up Grin

MerryMarigold · 09/02/2015 14:02

OP, I think the real issue here is him being away for 'weeks'. Is this a regular occurrence? That's a long time - for both of you to trust each other and go without sex, and it would put pressure on the best marriage. I think your paranoia about the dream is totally understandable given the circumstances. The 'no porn' is very difficult to request if dh has to be away from you and sexual activity for long periods of time, I feel. You could say not when he is with you, at home, but to request it when he is away for long periods is difficult.

DarylDixonsDarlin · 09/02/2015 14:07

DH had a dream not so long ago, and it involved lots of groaning, plus he asked someone in the dream 'is that good?' he never asks me that, the fucker Grin

It was mildly annoying, but he doesn't remember it at all so there's not much point me troubling either of us about it. OP I would just let this one go. And hope he does the same when its your turn Smile

Ferret 'prepare' is hilarious. I woke up one night to find DH crouched at the end of the bed near the door, I asked what he was doing and he whispered 'waiting' I just led him back to bed like the sleepwalker he obviously was Confused

curlyweasel · 09/02/2015 14:09

^I had sex with Marilyn Manson in a rabbit run once in my sleep. Alice Cooper was presiding over us from a pulpit as well.

Not grounds for divorce IMO^

Ewww.. I think you'll find it is! Grin

Roussette · 09/02/2015 14:13

AF oh yes, it was seriously disturbing. If I dream that again, I'm off to get help Grin

MY DH is always being chased whilst in the jungle. It's awful. He sometimes let's out a piercing scream or shouts "Leave Me Alone" really loudly. It's always the same dream.

So there's him like an Army Commando in the jungle and there's me next to him shagging Keith Lemon. There's no hope.

buildalegohouse · 09/02/2015 14:23

Gottobeinit - dream Harry certainly got about last night then, he paid me a visit too. I am furious at this blatent infidelity. Did he think we would never find out?? Shame on him.

bringmejoy2015 · 09/02/2015 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyGlen · 09/02/2015 14:56

So there's him like an Army Commando in the jungle and there's me next to him shagging Keith Lemon. There's no hope.

I am having a seriously bad day and that has made me laugh a lot.
Thank you Roussette

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 09/02/2015 14:58

buildalegohouse I think his dream antics are probably similar to his real life ones Wink

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 09/02/2015 14:59

Rousette, that's interesting that your DH has the same dream.

I have a recurring dream when I am stressed or anxious, about a plane crash, but it's exactly the same plane, location, circumstances etc every time. Even in the dream I think "oh this is a dream because I've had it before", then in my dream I realise it's real life it's really scary.

Dontstepinthecowpat · 09/02/2015 15:08

My DH has sex dreams. I've heard him groining about John before.

John Deere, his tractor Grin

Original poster
lennon80 · 09/02/2015 15:09

MerryMarigold - Yes he wouldn't dream of using porn whilst in our home, he knows I wouldn't have that. But I guess its pointless for me to expect he isn't going to look at it whilst away. Yes he often works away - it did once take quite a toll on our marriage but its less frequent now and we both deal with it much better. Ps he can go a long time without sex, during my pregnancy (high risk) and for a good nine months after (too traumatised by the birth) he wasn't offered any and was fine with it.

OP posts:
BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 09/02/2015 15:19

I once dreamt I had sex with one of my best friends, couldn't look him in the face for weeks.

I've dreamt (regularly) about falling and then in my dreams I always actually DO hit the ground. Most upsetting.

Saltedcaramel2014 · 09/02/2015 15:20

This feels a little irrelevant, but as you said it bothered you, OP - he didn't say 'I love you' at all. Mi amor isn't equivalent to that, just as calling someone darling in English wouldn't be... te amo or te quiero mucho would be closer to that.

Original poster
lennon80 · 09/02/2015 15:26

no sorry I know it means 'my love', to me it feels a bit similar as saying I love you - given the context, but yes you are right in what you say :) Thanks

OP posts:
NancyJones · 09/02/2015 15:32

DH once rolled over and said,
'Dont talk to him' 'who' I said. 'The boy at the end of the bed' said he.
Well I nearly vomited he scared me so much. He was sound asleep and not too happy when I shook him awake. He couldn't even remember dreaming about a boy next to a bed. Without exaggeration, I could not sleep for a week.

Op, without being mean, your DH could well have had a fling when he was away but this dream episode is not evidence either way.

SoonToBeMrsB · 09/02/2015 15:35

DP once woke me up by screaming "I'M INNOCENT!" at the top of his lungs. He also got really irate one night because I couldn't tell him if "it" - whatever "it" is - was black or brown. Another night he giggled and sighed, "ahh... horses..." Grin

Just a couple of nights ago he did an almighty fart and said, "that's better!" while fast asleep.

Trust me, nothing said in sleep can be held against someone!