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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how much GPs usually help out

150 replies

Ruperta · 08/02/2015 19:46

We live about 200 miles away from both sets of grandparents so we obviously get along without any help.

SIL (DHs sister) lives about 30 min drive away from PILs and gets loads of help but to the extent that we have begun to think it is slightly odd (although fully aware some of this may be jealously & also therefore being a bit judgey pants)

Just wondering how much you rely on your GPs to get an idea of what is the norm (if there is such a thing!)

PILs look after SILs kids 2 days a week & then have them overnight on the sat night approximately every other weekend. SIL & her husband work full time too so the real judgey pants bit of me thinks they would want to spend their weekend with their kids.

Anyhoo I realise its lovely that they have that relationship with GPs but shouldn't the GPs be doing more with their lives? Is SIL taking the Michael a little? Or is this completely normal if you live relatively close.

I know IABU as they all seem happy with the sutuation but just wondered how it works for others

OP posts:
jellybeans · 08/02/2015 20:36

Have 3 sets (DH's are divorced)

My parents live local and baby sit on occasion, great in emergencies etc but they still work (only late 50s).

DH's DM/SFIL live 6 hours drive away so it is only visits every 3 months or so, only babysat a few times with the older ones

DH's DF/SMIL live 3-4 hours away and we only see 2 times a year on average, never babysat

It seems many mums at school have GP for free childcare and babysitting at the drop of a hat!! They are so lucky!!!

Only1scoop · 08/02/2015 20:37

They will have dd if we ask ....rarely ever offer. Dd has stayed there twice she is 4.5.

I'd got this ridiculous idea that they would be beating the door down to take her to parks and picnics etc....but no.

They are 20 mins away.

herecomesthsun · 08/02/2015 20:39

I thought you meant family doctors....

Jcee · 08/02/2015 20:41

My MIL helps out with occasional babysitting and some school holiday care, which is great.

My parents live 100s miles away so don't do anything for me, however do all sorts (school pick ups, taking them to after school activities, all school holiday care, weekend sleepovers etc) for my sister.

My dad has had some health issues in the last year and so nowadays most of this falls to my mum. I know she finds its difficult especially rushing around from school pick up to after school activities and keeping them occupied during school holidays and, I would argue has put her life and hobbies on hold to help out my sister but I know she wouldn't ever say no or not offer to help out if asked.

Pyjamaface · 08/02/2015 20:44

My parents watch DS/pick him up from school when I'm working 3 days a week. Also feed him and put him to bed if DP is also working late.

DS also takes himself over for breakfast at weekends (they live across the very quiet lane) and climbs into bed and they all sit there drinking tea together.

I only ask for other babysitting for mine or DPs birthday

myotherusernameisbetter · 08/02/2015 20:45

we've never had any help but then DC only have one grandparent who is currently in her mid 80s and we don't live near. I grew up without any GPs for most of my life too so it doesn't feel strange to me.

Personally I think that's a bit OTT from your SIL, I agree that if I was working all week, I'd like to spend all weekend with my children. Once a month sleepover would be more than enough.

However, it's not excessive compared to a lot I hear. I know of a family where the GPs do full time childcare including an overnight during the week and are still asked to babysit at weekends!!

Currently the children are 7 and 3. Both are dropped off in their PJs in the morning and need to be given breakfast and gotten dressed. Grandad then takes 7 year old to school on the bus as they don't drive. Little one has just started nursery so Gran has to take a bus in opposite direction to take her and then go back 2 and a half hours later. Grandad has to go back later on bus to collect older one. They stay for tea and don't get picked up until after 6 apart from one night where they sleep over.

It does make you wonder why they bothered to have them :(

DakotaFanny · 08/02/2015 20:46

Once a month sleepover for my dc and dp, but they will step in to help out with school pick ups and inset days when we need it. They would do more but we don't want to make them resentful as that once a month is so precious (to all of us).

Other gp, who live 200 miles awY, have dc for three or four nights in the Summer.

Pretty good balance I think. Our dc adore both sets of gp and we consider ourselves very lucky to have them.

elQuintoConyo · 08/02/2015 20:46

Nothing.

My DM/DF abroad; DFIL old; DMIL dead.

We do it all ourselves, haven't had a night off in over 3 years. But that's our tough cheese, so we just get on with it.

DH's sister has lots of help from her MIL, bucket loads. Hey ho, that's life.

ChillySundays · 08/02/2015 20:47

My parents were oh so happy to babysit as often as we wanted. The catch? We had to drive the DC 100 miles to their house (my dad drives) so it was 400 miles journey altogether. All of a sudden £20 for a babysitter was an absolute bargain!

My mother then bitched that we never took the kids down to stay.

Aunt and sister would come to stay if required which would then piss my mother off!

My other sister was forever dumping my niece off at parent's. Niece is teenager now and really uses them.

Lucky - know how you feel. What really hurts is that my DC feel that niece is more favoured. Parents took my DC and niece on holiday when they were younger. The week revolved round my niece - each day it was what she wanted to do. Couldn't go to the beach - why even go to the seaside if you aren't going to go on the beach. My DC refused to go again. All of a sudden they stopped moaning about holiday schemes.

DidoTheDodo · 08/02/2015 20:49

I'm a grandmother. My grandchildren live 300 and 200 miles away from me in opposite directions. I'm out at work 12 hours a day.

I guess you'd say I don't fulfill the role of a 'traditional' Granny. I wish I could do more but I can't. Not yet.

JaniceJoplin · 08/02/2015 20:49

My GPs don't do any childcare as they are 500 miles away. We get free holidays with them though 3x a year and they do purchase a huge amount of things for the children, shoes, coats, toys. All of that does help. We have another set of GPs who are about an hour away and they do nothing, maybe an afternoons / evening sitting once every year.

I don't think there is a norm. Too many factors. Its a shame when things are not equally divided as it causes resentment if families are closeby. I hear a lot of that.

JaniceJoplin · 08/02/2015 20:50

I often think the children of today will not get any GP help as people wait so long to have children. I mean if you are 40 with your first child and they have children at 40, being 80 you won't be up to much will you? !

Birdsgottafly · 08/02/2015 21:02

I'm in my late 40's, I would stay weekly at my GPs and take a friend, usually. I also went on holiday with them and spent a couple of weeks with an Auntie, over Summer/Easter.

If I wasn't on a sleepover at a friends, that was the norm in my peer group (Liverpool).

I've had my GD over night twice and babysat, she is 7 weeks old. I'm having her overnight on Valentines Day, I also go up regularly so my DD can relax and have a bath etc. My other DD cleans/cooks for her, if needed.

That's normal in the families I know, the family/friends arrangements on MN is alien to me.

I've offered to have my GD overnight once a week and can't wait. I'm hoping I'll be able to take her on caravan holidays etc.

lotsofcheese · 08/02/2015 21:02

I'm always envious of people who have supportive GP nearby.

Both sets are about 1 hour away (in good traffic) so too far for regular childcare but can do the occasional bit of baby sitting.
We spend a fortune on childcare & very rarely get a night out together (maybe 1-2 per year)

LovesBooks · 08/02/2015 21:05

My mum helps out 1-3 times a week while I am university if my partner is working(shift work). Sometimes it will be for the whole day, others it could be 2-3 hours. I also have other family members that would look after my son if needed. My aunt and nan will have him on Saturday while I go for a date with the oh. My mil would also have him and has done. Everyone adores him so will gladly have him. It's not often we ask but we know it's there. Not sure if anyone would have him full time while we worked, I think that is a lot to ask. No one has had him over night yet either

Birdsgottafly · 08/02/2015 21:06

Should of added, my children had overnight stays with my Mum, after I was widowed, so I could work and have a social life.

My Mum was well upto the age of 82 and still helped out, now at 87, my children (and I) care for her because we do all have a close bond, as I had done with my Nan and Grandad.

chickydoo · 08/02/2015 21:06

3 of ours are dead Hmm the lady one disabled .....so no help at all. Ever.

Hamiltoes · 08/02/2015 21:06

I agree Janice.

My mum and stepdad take DD regularly on Friday nights, but they have a 2 year old as well and the only one who can babysit him is me or my brother (stepdads parents too old). He comes to us maybe once a month or so.

We used to call DD the suitcase baby as she had so many relatives still young and able and willing to have her. Shes grown up to be so confident and outgoing, not really afraid of anything and just seems to go with whatever flow. I definitely put that down to having such a wider family influence. PP summed it up with The saying goes it takes a village to raise a child and I think it is so true.

chickydoo · 08/02/2015 21:08

Last one.......

eurochick · 08/02/2015 21:11

Our parents don't help out with the baby although they do all visit to spend time with her.

My parents do help out a bit with diy stuff as my dad is really good at it and we are not!

anothernumberone · 08/02/2015 21:14

My parents live around the corner and have dcs most Fridays overnight although we will often drop by on the way home and pick up the littlest ball of hassle one. The kids love it, we get a social life and love it but still have the whole weekend with the kids. Dh's folks will delight in having them too if we go out where he is from although we would most likely stay over too.

We are sooooooooo lucky and the kids are sooooooooooooooooo lucky they all get on great.

Keletubbie · 08/02/2015 21:17

Mum lives 10 miles away and would have full custody of my DD if I let her... Grin

DisappointedOne · 08/02/2015 21:19

Birdsgottafly, that's just about the saddest thing I've ever read. 2 nights away from mum and dad in 7 weeks? Why did your daughter bother having a baby?

Gen35 · 08/02/2015 21:22

None, and we spend a fortune on childcare, babysitters etc and it doesn't replicate having involved and caring family. When I'm (hopefully) a gp, I would expect to be helping with gc at least 2-3 days a week when I'm retired and whatever I can fit around work if I'm not. So I'd move in your shoes op, if distance is your main issue!

caker · 08/02/2015 21:29

PIL live too far away to help but we live near my parents and they have DD for one day a week instead of her being in nursery every day. They also do the occasional nursery pick up and have babysat a couple of times during the day so DH and I could have lunch together. I wouldn't ask them to babysit in the evenings or overnight as DD is an appalling sleeper, and they already do so much I only want them to have the easiest bits!