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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be told where partner is going when he goes out?

113 replies

Mini05 · 08/02/2015 13:48

when partner goes out on his own he never says where he's going.
I've mentioned this and he says your not interested or I don't gave to tell you, I don't ask where your going.he thinks I'm being nosey, I think it's conversation.

So, if you partner/boyfriends/husband goes out does he mention where? Or when he comes back says where he's been.

OP posts:
PrettyFeet · 08/02/2015 18:10

Ehhhemmmm its being patented as you type.

The word was created by AF and Pretty Feet Grin

flora717 · 08/02/2015 18:11

It's definitely strange to deliberately avoid wanting to talk about where you're going and what you are doing as STANDARD. Sure, sometimes, DH or I will be getting presents or off to buy a new 'thing' we want as a surprise. We actually refer to this as 'secret squirrelling' thanks to a friend. So sometimes I can say I'm off for a drink with a friend, we're secret squirrelling. Which means he's not invited. But, most of the time what we're up to is part of conversation. A rough idea of time / location is polite (and useful for all those household jobs).

Lweji · 08/02/2015 18:14

where we are going and what we are doing is normal conversation topic when I meet friends, even.

Because they are not yeats.

PrettyFeet · 08/02/2015 18:20

OP has probably disappeared because she is coming to terms with the fact that her partner is very much less than she hoped for.

I was there.

I came on these boards.
I denied it.
I ignored it.
I fought it.
I painfully realised it.
I fought it again.

and all the bits in between

I eventually left.

Its a process.

PrettyFeet · 08/02/2015 18:26

Grin at Lweji.

Its a stumble on top word. We need more to describe an arsehole, it get boring typing the same.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/02/2015 18:33

It's weird and controlling to not say where you're going - in case of accidents or emergencies it would be mad as fuck to wander off to brighton or miles away without saying anything

Original poster
Mini05 · 08/02/2015 18:59

Hi
Right first sorry havnt been able to come back sooner! But went out myself just finished tea and sat down! So havnt done a runner!

No we havnt any children, were in our late 50's

He's become like this over last year since retirement doesn't think he sound answer/tell anything, where as me its just normal and makes conversation.

Say after lunch he will go put his coat on and just say right see you later
I used to ask, but don't now as he'd say things like " I don't know till I get out/what's with all the questions etc " this would then develop into an arguement if I said I thought it was normal to tell people where your going!
Think he thinks I don't have to answer to anybody know I've retired, ugh don't know!

I just wanted to see/know OP views on this and what happens in your house

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/02/2015 19:01

Well, never mind what other people think, what do you make of it ?

Moniker1 · 08/02/2015 19:04

I would def follow him.

JennyBlueWren · 08/02/2015 19:08

We always say why we're going out but not necessarily the specific destination. I might go to the shops (and ask him if he wants anything) but wouldn't necessarily say which ones. I also go out for a walk/wander and often make it up as I go along in which case again he'd have a vague idea but not know the specifics. Same when DH goes out for a bike ride.

Original poster
Mini05 · 08/02/2015 19:10

I'm mixed up! I think it weird! Hence me coming on here asking what goes on in your household.

It's got to point where I don't question/ask anymore for fear(well not fear iynwim) of being called a nag/control freak.

To me it's normal! Makes conversation

Suppose he is a controller when I think hard about it, as nearly everything he does is done at the same time everyday(routine or control)

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 08/02/2015 19:10

How long have you been together? Has he always been this way since you've been together? Is he trying to conjure up/maintain an air of mystery perhaps?

Have you tried waltzing out for ages without telling him where you're going? Does he really not mind or care where you are? I would find that odd. And rather sad it it's true.

PrettyFeet · 08/02/2015 19:11

I'm middle aged OP.

Do you like his company?
Is he good to you?
Does he look after you in other ways?

Tell us what's nice about him.

Andrewofgg · 08/02/2015 19:14

Unless there is some thundering good reason (planning a surprise or something like that) DW and I don't go out alone without saying, perhaps vaguely, where.

AddToBasket · 08/02/2015 19:15

Whoa. Not good.

PrettyFeet · 08/02/2015 19:18

Would you say he's "old school" regimented in most of his ways OP?

Mouldypineapple · 08/02/2015 19:25

Yes why don't you do the same a few times or make a point of being out when he gets in and don't let him know where you are, when you're coming home etc..

Moniker1 · 08/02/2015 19:25

I think it's a bit bad mannered - to live with someone but exclude them from what you are doing.

I feel niggled when my friend does this eg says 'sorry, can't come for a walk tomorrow I have to go into town' which sounds to me unfinished like '...... I have to go into town to meet jen for a coffee' or ' .....I have to go into town to go to the bank and pick up a bday present' .
I don't care what she is doing in town but the sort of deliberately not telling annoys me.

PrettyFeet · 08/02/2015 19:28

Or are you thinking you know the score and something is a bit "different" these days?

MrsTawdry · 08/02/2015 19:29

OP the only odd thing is that this is only happening since he retired. When he worked, did he ever do this sort of thing in his free time? Like...just pop out with no explanation or is it completely new behaviour?

PrettyFeet · 08/02/2015 19:34

OP, I have to go and make dinner etc.

I'm in my 50's and understand "old school" things BUT I also understand if someone is making you upset and dismissing you at our age its not on.

You are very very welcome to PM me anytime.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 08/02/2015 19:36

I would hate that. He's being a yeat.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 08/02/2015 19:37

But how do you pronounce it - "yeet" or "yate"?

PrettyFeet · 08/02/2015 19:38

Do you suspect he may be having an affair OP?

minkGrundy · 08/02/2015 19:39

Firstly Op you really should have said I am popping out of the thread to make my tea. I will be back at x time Grin

Secondly, don't think it's an affair or surely he would make up a cover story. Sounds more like deliberate fuckyeatery

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