to move DD from her nice independent school where she has a scholarship because her brother didn't get offered one?

[middleschoolmuddle]

We are not rich but nor are we poor. The school have offered us a 16% bursary for DS - it's not enough.

Would it be mean to move DD to a state school at this stage (Y9)? Has anyone done this?

I can't think straight, my mind is whirring so I'd love some perspective from those of you that have managed to use the local 'good' state schools and pass up the rather nice (best in County) independent one.

But it is not within your financial reach for 3 children. You essentially can only afford it for one child. You already turned down the prep for dc3 - if he was your only you no doubt would have sent him. He can't go to the 'best' school because you cannot afford it as you have 3 to consider. You made a decision for your dd that you cannot afford to make for the other 2, even if they win bursaries. It sounds like you need to cash in the house and downsize and cut extra curriculars even to consider having 3 at private school. If that's worth it, then great. your Ds could argue that he is missing out on the 'best' school because you chose to keep dd private rather than choosing the superselective.

When I say the equity doesn't make any difference, I mean currently whilst you are borrowing against it and needing to service the debt. Best thing to do would be to sell up, downsize and free up the equity so you can send all three of the DCs to the school if that is what you want to do on the capital you then have to hand.

What crazy interest rates are you paying that 50% of your dh's 60k salary is going on a £189k mortgage?

I think you need to go back to basics here - see about remortgaging for a fixed five years. Rates are really good at the moment. Go on interest only and save what you can to make capital repayments (normally you can make annual one off payments of 10% of the outstanding loan). You should not be paying out 50% of his monthly salary.

The fact you have so much equity in your house does make a difference. Whilst in an ideal world you would pay off your mortgage regularly over the life it is also perfectly reasonable to take a few years As interest only and then make larger payments when the kid have left.

You need to get your dd to see the consequences of changing school so she fully understands how it could impact her but I think you can afford to see her to the end of her gcses.

I wish you luck in your job search. I know it's not easy at the moment.

Actually OP I want to thank you. We live in the catchment for a god awful state secondary. To move to a catchment for a decent school will cost us at least an extra £100k in property value plus all the taxes and costs of moving, plus mortgage interest and we will have to move to a much smaller property. I have been really stressing about it. But actually we own our current property outright and it would be cheaper to mortgage the cost of going to our local private school, assuming ds passed the exams. I don't why I never thought of this before.

We have aspirations for our kids that includes sending them to the 'best' available school. It is tantalisingly within our reach (I think but perhaps we are deluding ourselves).

Yes you're deluding yourselves BECAUSE YOU'RE PAYING FOR THESE ASPIRATIONS WITH DEBT! That means that you CAN'T AFFORD these kind of aspirations. There must be millions of parents up and down the country who would love their DC to go to the 'best available school', but they are realistic about the fact that they can't afford the school of their choice, so they must go with what is available for free. You're tying yourself into dangerous financial knots over something that you can get for free!

I was at private school on a full scholarship, my brother took the exam as well but wasn't offered a scholarship and my parents couldn't afford to send him. He went to a not great state school.
There was some resentment from him to be honest and he still bangs on about me being sent to a " posh" school while he got the " crappy" one - forgetting that my education was completely free!!!
We hope that my DD will get offered a scholarship or at least Bursary to private school but if not we should still be able to afford it but I will not do it if it means that DS doesn't miss out on extra curricular activities etc. I won't get into a position where it's " sorry DS you can't play xyz due to your sisters school fees" luckily due to a 4 year age gap and our preferred private school not having a 6th form we would never have to pay 2 sets of fees but DS will also go for scholarship/bursary too.
If OP's daughter is getting the private education totally free then it's not affecting the rest of the family financially and I wouldn't move her.
However, if the rest of you are suffering you are going to have to consider it, at least for 6th form.

You are frittering away the equity in your home and the short term price of that, is increased monthly mortgage repayments making it difficult for you to afford essential repairs.

How sustainable is your current borrowing and spending habits when mortgage rates rise?

The interest rates issue is another big elephant in the room OP that you clearly haven't thought of either. You really, really need to discuss all this with a financial advisor and map out your income/spending for the next 5-10 years, because this is clearly beyond you and your DH. You just don't seem to see the potential pitfalls and additional costs looming until they are upon you, so you need someone to spell them out to you and put cold hard numbers on a page for you.

Hakluyt, we didn't enter the youngest for an exam, he just had to sing to a fabulous choir master which he thoroughly enjoyed.

PeaceOfWild, we are hoping for the superselective at 6th form and have never intended to pay fees.

I am looking for a job and have just started working on something that will bring in 4.5K for 20 days work. I just need something that isn't contract based for some security.

I can't believe you all think I'm mad. Our mortgage repayments at the moment (with just DD there) are

Surely you find the "best school" that you can afford ?? You can't afford this private school, it's just not wise to pay for it by remortgaging your house. PLEASE go and get some financial advice!!

It doesn't matter whwt had to do- you put him in for entry to a school that you couldn't possibly have sent him to! Bloody hell, this is bonkers.

I just don't think you have many options sadly. Private school is very expensive - why have you chosen not to keep DD in her school for sixth form? I'm assuming it was because of cost but not sure why you bothered putting her in just till gcse's.

Personally, I'd leave your DD there and not bother entering your other two children for any more entrance exams unless your financial situation alters a lot.

Okay, so your repayments are currently

Is there any chance you could get DD into the super-selective before 6th form?

What crazy interest rates are you paying that 50% of your dh's 60k salary is going on a £189k mortgage?

We have 14 years to run on a repayment mortgage at an interest rate that is 0.5% above the base rate.

And what haykuyt said.

If you can't afford private education comfortably I just wouldn't do it - way too stressful.

Can't you remortgage without such a short term?

Surely you find the "best school" that you can afford ?? You can't afford this private school, it's just not wise to pay for it by remortgaging your house. PLEASE go and get some financial advice!!

Well, exactly. Why isn't your DD at the best private boarding school in the UK? Why are both DS' names not down for Eaton? Presumably because you can't afford that? So you've applied that logic to these schools. Just do it again in these circumstances.

I agree with the poster who said that you need to sit down with an IFA, I really think you need someone to go through the figures with you in black and white and look at all the things that seem to be unknown unknows for your and your DH which have never been factored in to your decision making at the beginning

I get so cross when I hear people blithely saying that they have tons of equity on their home and will jus remortgage to afford this or that. Firstly, equity is an abstract concept and cannot be absolutely accurately quantified. Secondly, you don't own the equity until the house is sold and it is released. Until the, it's just another debt owed to the bank - it's not free money.

Eton!

MSM you are living beyond your means. You and dh need to do a complete financial review and take it from there.

We have aspirations for our kids that includes sending them to the 'best' available school.

I totally understand making huge efforts and taking sacrifices on the nose to give your kid a fighting chance in education.

But you need to pay at least as much attention to "available" as you you do to "best".

As in look at what is realistically available to you, and then pick the best from that. Not choose the best, and try and make it available to you if realistically it isn't.

If your daughter has to move, better it is at the end of Y9 than at some point in Y10/11 due to say a change in circumstances that you have no control over. Like job loss. Marriage breakdown. Husband snapping and refusing to carry on building up a debt to satisfy aspirations he doesn't appear to believe the family can afford.

So I would say in terms of "available" your choices need to be based on realistic assessment of potential changes. Not just the best case scenario of everything staying as it is today.

Probably the best available education for your children is one that is sustainable for all of them, and leaves the family far far freer of economic and time pressures that have the potential to suck the stability, security and ability to live in contentment .. right out of it.

And both of you need to be one the same page in creating the solution that provides that. A solution based on both ups and downs being a reality of life, so that it is robust enough to withstand the stormier times, and won't leave you two and your children in this place again. Becuase screwing up once is human. Twice... and it starts to look a tad like a habit of making a priority of your wants (champagne taste for best education/activities) over your children's needs (sustainable, good enough education and a relatively content, secure, not overly stressed home life).

As horrible as this must feel, and I do sympathise, there is good news. This comes under the heading of one of life's resolvable problems. It must feel all shocking and scary and emotional rollercoastery. But in the grand scheme of things you have lots of options due to your income and assets, and you all stand a very good chance of coming out of the wash relatively unscathed. Just as long as sustainability is built into the solution.

Also if you do have to move your DD, well as a friend said to me - if that's the worst thing that happens in your DD's childhood - it really isn't that bad.

^Okay, so your repayments are currently

While I agree with PPs who say the OP's family is living beyond their means to pay school fees, I often see this argument being used on MN if someone says private school is for the elite, who clearly have the disposable income to buy a better standard of education for their child regardless of their ability.

You then get a throng of people coming on saying, "That's not true! We haven't got loads of money, you wouldn't believe the things we go without to pay the school fees!"

And somehow that seems acceptable.