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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you want to know ?

58 replies

Kimberley00001 · 07/02/2015 12:55

If your partner cheated.i saw this guy and we slept together and not long after I found out via facebook he had a gf.we had been chatting for about four months which is about the duration of their relationship from what I can I can see .im thinking about telling her I feel his behaviour is very unfair on everyone .i asked him to his face if he was seeing someone as I had spider senses somehow , he lied blatently. Im wondering what is the right thing to do in this situation .thanks for reading

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/02/2015 12:58

Stay out of it, chances are he'll deny it and portray you as a loon.

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 07/02/2015 12:58

I have proof ?

OP posts:
Ilovemybedbaby · 07/02/2015 13:00

I would send her an email, so sick of men that do this, FB is rife with them! I wouldn't be wasting anymore time chatting to him either! All he is after is sex!

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 07/02/2015 13:02

Ive spoke to him today he's not going to tell her off his own bat but says he feels guilty .im worried slightly I trusted him and we weren't careful.if I send her a message it will go to others box she may never read it ,and it is affecting me mentally a bit

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/02/2015 13:03

Well stop chatting to him, he's a twat!

Are you still sleeping with him?

APlaceInTheWinter · 07/02/2015 13:05

If it was his DW I'd say tell her but in this case I'd say don't tell her. They might not have been exclusive at the beginning.

But really, there seems to be at least one thread a week on here saying I Googled or FBed after I slept with someone and discovered a wife/gf.

Google or Facebook search someone before you sleep with them!

Otherwise it looks as though you don't give a shit if the guy you're sleeping with is a lying cheat so it seems a bit ironic to then suddenly become concerned about it after you've slept with them.

myhatsonfire · 07/02/2015 13:05

I would want to know, BUT I think the 'other woman' is often blamed more than the man despite him being at fault, so I would move on and not get involved for your own sake. It's not your responsibility, cold as that sounds.

She will probably find out eventually anyway. Sad

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 07/02/2015 13:05

No im not ,not doing that again !

OP posts:
DandyHighwayman · 07/02/2015 13:06

Do nothing.

Apart from getting an STD check and giving your head a wobble about safe sex.

TheFecklessFairy · 07/02/2015 13:06

I trusted him and we weren't careful.

Well, who is the daft one then? Hmm

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 07/02/2015 13:08

A place we had been chatting for four months and then slept together this week !.we started talking when they had just got together ,it says single on his profile and no couple photos or anything ,im not to blame here .

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 07/02/2015 13:09

Personally, I would want to know. I like to know what I am dealing with, it is up to the GF how she processes the information.

I saw a middle aged couple in a pub on Tuesday who were obviously at it and left in separate cars after a long tussle on the car park, I so wished I knew one of them. Grrr!

Ilovemybedbaby · 07/02/2015 13:10

No your not op, he is! Total wanker!

APlaceInTheWinter · 07/02/2015 13:10

He is to blame but you are now in the position of worrying about STDs and feeling upset. Whatever you did this week that meant you discovered he had a gf - next time do that before you sleep with someone. For your own peace of mind not to absolve him of responsibility.

BuzzardBird · 07/02/2015 13:11

Oh, yes and that is true^ it is often the 'other woman' who gets the blame so prepare to be accused of being a 'bunny boiler, man eater etc'.

I told a good friend her DH was making himself a nuisance with me and she hung onto him and stopped speaking to me!

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 07/02/2015 13:12

This has skewed my view in relationships and trust .his level of deception is shocking.im afraid of her dishing out all kinds of abuse at me as im feeling vulnerable anyway .at the same time he will only go on and do this again so she should be informed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 07/02/2015 13:13

How can you prove it though if someone's genuinely single ?i went to his house no trace of any woman there whatsoever !

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 07/02/2015 13:14

You seem determined to tell her so do it.

FarFromAnyRoad · 07/02/2015 13:18

You went to his house? Christ you sound obsessed. Just drop him and drop the whole thing and next time use your noggin.
And if you think this is a 'shocking' level of deception then you need to spend more time on the Relationships board. This is entry level schoolboy stuff.
Respect yourself more before you date again.

FightOrFlight · 07/02/2015 13:18

How did you suddenly find out about his gf after chatting to him for 4 months? Did you specifically go looking for evidence of a relationship after sleeping with him?

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 07/02/2015 13:18

A place it only became apparent when he was tagged in some event and I put two and two together and pinned him down.trust me ,I'm not a naive woman

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 07/02/2015 13:29

Get an std check. Then mind your own business is my advice, though I know it doesn't go down well with many on here.

Original poster
Kimberley00001 · 07/02/2015 13:33

I don't think she will find out ,he has commented on other girls looks on photos and stuff and she turns a blind eye to it ,he writes it all off as "banter" ??

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 07/02/2015 13:35

Eeew! He sounds a right creep!

I suggest you don't go for this 'type' again.

AuntieStella · 07/02/2015 13:39

Why are you still chatting to him?

Seriously, bin him now.

Then when you are calm, consider your moral code abiut honesty in relationships. Some people would always tell, others never, and yet others find it all depends on circumstances.

It sounds to me as if you have not got a clear picture of where you fall on this spectrum (many don't until confronted with it in real life).

And it's exactly the wrong time to try to sort out your ethics on this when you've just discovered what a shit he is and what a liar.