to think breastfeeding is not 'convenient'?

[SolasEile]

So I might be feeling a tad bitter because my 3 month old is in some crazy nursing strike phase and I'm frustrated from having spent months trying to make breastfeeding work only to have it all fall apart now, 3 months in... but... surely breast-feeding is a hell of a lot less convenient than formula feeding?

When I went to NCT classes the message was that breast-feeding is so easy and natural and convenient and while it might be a bit tough in the early weeks, once you and baby get used to it it's so convenient as you can just 'pop them on' the breast anywhere and no need for bottles or mixing up formula and so on.

I'm not finding that to be the case. My DS was formula fed after 8 weeks and I could feed him anywhere. I just brought sterilized bottles with me and readymade formula in cartons and managed to move country and fly longhaul with him at 3 months old.

Now with my DD, she is EBF, and feeding her is a gigantic pain in the arse. First of all, you have the issue of breastfeeding in public which I'm still not 100% confident doing. I have a nursing shawl and have tried to feed her a couple of times but I find it very hard as she is a messy feeder and we were using shields up until recently. Secondly I have a very fast letdown so she gets fussy at the breast and will currently only feed in one position (laid back) and usually feeds best when she has just woken from a nap. When she is tired she will not feed for love nor money and just screams the place down from frustration. This makes getting out of the house really really hard as I have to time her feeds so carefully.

At this stage I'm tempted to just pump and bottle feed because feeding my DS out and about with bottles was never an issue at all. I am starting to regret having made the effort to breastfeed. It just is a crap experience and so much work for no reward, as far as I can see. My DS was perfectly healthy whereas my DD has had a cold almost permanently since she was born. We do have some issues with feeding so I am seeing a lactation consultant this weekend to double check on latch and so on but to be honest I'm fed up to fuck with breastfeeding. It just seems like a big con where we are told it's best for baby and it's 'so convenient' and natural when really it is just a gigantic pain in the arse.

So AIBU? To be fed up with breastfeeding and not find it convenient or easy at all? Or am I just unlucky to have had issues with both my DS and DD?
/Awaits flaming from lactivist / NCT people.../

Differences between bf and ff babies- do share.

Considering nearly all babies in the UK have formula the numbers of ebf babies you talk about are minute.

You're bigging up stats.

And Mini sorry however much you don't want it to be 6 months is still a tiny part of a human life.

And actually the vast maj live with "convenience" on a daily basis throughout their childhood(and lives).

Solas I have not RTFT sorry but I know exactly where you are coming from. For the first 4 months of bf DS it was anything but convenient. The one exception was travelling anywhere. I could literally go with a single bag for all of us because dS co slept. With the older 2 fg I practically needed a removal van to bring them anywhere. Then after 4 months it clicked. The oversupply stopped completely, my cracked nipples which were cracked during week one healed, his latch got so much better and it became a total doddle. It was so good that I did another 2 years plus to just make sure it was actually convenient. . Traveling abroad, aeroplanes and ferries, visiting relatives and even staying at home I found bf fantastic once we got into it. It is not for everyone and it definitely can pose it challenges but on balance I definitely found bf more convenient than ff.

Fg = ff

Ff is pretty convenient in that anyone can do it so you don't need to be with the baby every feed time, and it's generally quicker than bf. The sterilising didn't bother me - just wash them in batches once or twice a day then stick in steriliser

So just wanted to update to say that I was supposed to have an appointment with a lactation consultant from the local hospital today but she called me this morning and due to various administrative / logistical issues from her side we had to cancel. This felt quite ironic really given my rant on here about the lack of support and so here I am lacking support - again - due to circumstances beyond my control!

I am soldiering on anyway and have had a few tips from a lactation consultant I saw earlier in the week so that DD can at least keep feeding even if it's painful at times and can only feed her immediately when she wakes up from a nap. I also got my electric pump delivered yesterday so am going to try expressing more from now on so DD can take a bottle when she is being very fussy.

I just think that this development is quite funny given the discussion about how convenient bf is. There is almost no need for support or education with FF (apart from hygiene rules) and that's one big factor why people find it easier I think. Breastfeeding requires the mother to learn continuously and problem solve and be determined. That's a good thing in some ways and I would say it might be the reason why college-educated mothers are more likely to breastfeed and why EBF babies are statistically more likely to gain on IQ points relative to FF (not true in my experience but some studies have shown a link).

To me breastfeeding has been something that has required a lot of time, energy and dedication from all of the family, not just me. I have needed support to breastfeed and I have needed to be determined enough to keep up with the learning curve as new problems arise. That's what irks me with the NCT-type message that it is 'convenient'. Sure, if you get lucky and have no issues it is convenient and I do envy those of you who have posted to say that that was your experience. I do actually like bf-ing when it works and would be sad to stop but it hasn't been easy or natural in any way. It's different for everyone of course and I appreciate that but with both my DS and now DD it has been a frustrating experience for me and I wish breastfeeding support workers would be / had been more honest about that.

Good to hear that things got better for you from 4 months another - I guess success is just around the corner then! People have been telling me that bf gets better from day one and so far I am still waiting but I've come this far so might as well keep going if I can...

As for the travel convenience, there is some truth to that but I did manage to travel longhaul with DS with no problems and have lovely memories of being in a new city with him at this exact age of 3-4 months and the two of us exploring together with him in his sling. All I needed that was extra to a bf-ing mother was a carton or two of formula and a sterile bottle, which all fitted in a backpack. It was very easy and I rarely had issues.

(Except for one time when he was unusually hungry and my back-up carton of formula had already cracked open by accident so I had to trek for 20 minutes to a pharmacy to buy more with DS screaming blue murder at me all the way. Not fun. And it made me envious of the bf-ing mom who was sitting next to me in the cafe I had to leave under duress... )

Aw Solas sorry to hear that about the LC. I remember ringing my one at 16 weeks because my nipples had not healed and I still had problems with over supply but her own child was sick so bringing a baby to see her in her house was a no go. I said I would ring her back next week and then suddenly everything just fell into place.

I actually think it is the lack of exposure that causes all the problems. I had zero problems with ff because my mother was at the end of a phone with constant advice on what needs to happen. Put another ounce in, offer another bottle earlier, start solids now etc etc. and not just her the PHN was the same. she was absolutely lost where bf was concerned as was the PHN who was totally useless.

I agree that YABU to generalise, but not to find your experience tough. Bf is a different experience for everyone and every baby.

My first experience was awful DS1 had a terrible latch and I cried in pain with every feed. I switched to formula at three weeks, then he was diagnosed with cmpa, developed an oral aversion and was very hard to feed. I wasn't really able to feed him away from home for nine months.

My second baby is 8 months and the total opposite, he latched immediately, I've never felt pain and he's a joy to feed. Bf out and about is very easy and I love not having to worry about bottles and heating/cooling them etc.

"Not if you have oversupply. My left Breast still leaks and gets painfully engorged and hard after every feed. 5 months into it."

Yikes, you really have had it tough, I've never heard of anyone else who still had oversupply that far in. I had oversupply with DS1 (to the extent that I ended up with mastitis and leaked all over the place ALL THE TIME) but it had basically calmed down completely by 3 months. I presume you've seen an LC/tried block feeding/etc.?

Tried everything except meds (sage, sudafed, contraceptive pill) and the full drainage thing. Weirdly, it's just the left. The block nursing sorted out the right.

The left may be scarred from infective mastitis with DD1. Now that was a tough bf experience! Infective mastitis which led to sepsis and then I needed some resus help after I turned out to be allergic to Flucloxicillan. I stopped bf at 3 weeks after all that then relactated at 11 weeks.

Oversupply has been far more manageable than that. I really hope I get to a point where bf is convenient.

Star girl days of block feeds sorted out my oversupply. When I read about it I was just feeding 2 feeds in a row from the same boob but the best lactation supporter I had recommended goibg as long as I could without exploding so 10-12 hours on the one side with some minimal hand expression on the other for a few days. It did event silly work and when the oversupply lifted the fast letdown eased too so Dh stopped getting a milk shower from across the room .

Event silly = eventually

Solas if I had a euro for everyone telling me not to give up on a bad day. I'd have had lots of euros except every day early on was a fucking bad day. I had 4 mths cracked nipples, thrush really really bad mastitis I had mastitis on all 3 which was why I gave up with the other 2 but this was a whole nother category over supply, fast let down, dreadfully painful latch, a life time supply of blebs. It was really tough. Believe me if I can say it got so much better it really did. After what was actually a traumatic start where I began to think I was being selfish bf my baby I actually came to love it. I have everything crossed it improves soon for you too.

leedy I've still got oversupply 5 months in and know friends still in the same situation at 4 months. I also have permanent scarring from mastitis, which means my left side is often clogged. From the start I've been told 'it gets better after 10 days, 6 weeks, 12 weeks, etc. etc.' but I think you get to the point where enough is enough. My ebf baby also has eczema and is really sicky with reflux. Me, my sister and her ff babies have had no health problems, and looking the surrounding socioeconomic factors you'd think it would be the other way round. I know I can't use these personal observations to generalise, but I do feel that the 'breast is best' message is hammered into you while pregnant as if it IS the best option for all mothers and babies, when this is clearly not true. Despite the fact bf has 'worked' in the sense that dd has been putting on weight, it's not been the best choice for us and I feel like I 'fell for' the breast is best message, which has subsequently guilted me into doing it for far longer than I should have, so plan to change to ff as soon as we've established weaning.

kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/supply-worries/fast-letdown/

I had horrible problems with forceful letdown and oversupply. This article was great. I bf mainly for health benefits and cost. I found lily pads good and night with a cloth breastpad or lasinoh ones which have gel inside to soak up milk

I remember going to a bf "support" group run by midwives after DS was born. The mw said "if you have to stay in bed 24/7 feeding then that's just what you have to do". I went home and cried.

When I had my eldest we were told to put by babies on the same 3 or 4 hourly routine as ff babies. That was quite convenient and I could plan trips outside etc. but now bf mums are told to feed on demand which seems to translate as 'feed for hours at a time'. The experience some mums on this thread are describing sound horrific.

I'm pregnant again and I'd like to ebf but I'll stop if I'm in pain or it means I can't get out the house.

Yabu to think your experience represents all women, I found bf very convenient I am also a bit paranoid with new borns and sterilising worries me, bf avoids that

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Anothernumberone, I did 6 weeks of block nursing. I got to just over 7 hours for each breast. As I said, the right is sorted but the left is still trouble.

I agree Jackie. With Bfing there's a lot of sitting on the couch. For months and months. You have something you need to do? Well tough, baby is hungry.

Oh I'm sure people will pop up now saying "Actually I scaled Ben Nevis whilst BFing - all you need is a sling actually"

Well my baby hates every type of sling going so that was that. There's nothing convenient about going stir crazy on the couch whilst your partner is at work as your baby feeds and feeds and feeds a thousand times a day.

Something else I've wondered is-

The evidence of the health benefits of bf (which I'm not denying-it makes sense) what is classified as bf? Eg wha are the benefits of ebf for 6 weeks vs 6 months? Are there actual stats for this?

And since the vast majority of babies are given both bf and ff what are the benefits/risks of combining the two. One of mine was given both on alternate feeds from 10 weeks until bottles were replaced by food, bf am & pm til 2, the other was given bf and ff from 6 weeks til 4 months when I stopped bf. But I've never been able to find evidence about the impact of mixed feeding.

It was quite frustrating. Most of the research quoted seems be be 'all or nothing'.

I did 6 weeks of block nursing I got to just over 7 hours for each breast

oversupply is certainly shit star girl. Ds cried and cried as I tried to get him to latch which was why I started to feel like an awful mum for bf.

I am amazed at the persistence some of you have shown in the face of such difficulties.

I did not have it in me. I could not cope with it.

14 years later, it's a distant memory. Luckily, I think it pales into insignificance compared to the parenting challenges and achievements since then.

Solas,

I agree with your posts. If something is "meant" to be one way and it simply is not, then one of the ways it can go is for us to blame ourselves.

Or to throw the baby out with the bathwater and completely mistrust the people giving us the message. Not helpful