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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think breastfeeding is not 'convenient'?

230 replies

SolasEile · 06/02/2015 07:14

So I might be feeling a tad bitter because my 3 month old is in some crazy nursing strike phase and I'm frustrated from having spent months trying to make breastfeeding work only to have it all fall apart now, 3 months in... but... surely breast-feeding is a hell of a lot less convenient than formula feeding?

When I went to NCT classes the message was that breast-feeding is so easy and natural and convenient and while it might be a bit tough in the early weeks, once you and baby get used to it it's so convenient as you can just 'pop them on' the breast anywhere and no need for bottles or mixing up formula and so on.

I'm not finding that to be the case. My DS was formula fed after 8 weeks and I could feed him anywhere. I just brought sterilized bottles with me and readymade formula in cartons and managed to move country and fly longhaul with him at 3 months old.

Now with my DD, she is EBF, and feeding her is a gigantic pain in the arse. First of all, you have the issue of breastfeeding in public which I'm still not 100% confident doing. I have a nursing shawl and have tried to feed her a couple of times but I find it very hard as she is a messy feeder and we were using shields up until recently. Secondly I have a very fast letdown so she gets fussy at the breast and will currently only feed in one position (laid back) and usually feeds best when she has just woken from a nap. When she is tired she will not feed for love nor money and just screams the place down from frustration. This makes getting out of the house really really hard as I have to time her feeds so carefully.

At this stage I'm tempted to just pump and bottle feed because feeding my DS out and about with bottles was never an issue at all. I am starting to regret having made the effort to breastfeed. It just is a crap experience and so much work for no reward, as far as I can see. My DS was perfectly healthy whereas my DD has had a cold almost permanently since she was born. We do have some issues with feeding so I am seeing a lactation consultant this weekend to double check on latch and so on but to be honest I'm fed up to fuck with breastfeeding. It just seems like a big con where we are told it's best for baby and it's 'so convenient' and natural when really it is just a gigantic pain in the arse.

So AIBU? To be fed up with breastfeeding and not find it convenient or easy at all? Or am I just unlucky to have had issues with both my DS and DD?
/Awaits flaming from lactivist / NCT people.../

OP posts:
TipseyTorvey · 06/02/2015 07:49

agree with OP. YANU!! Am three months in too and finding it very restrictive and inconvenient, not to mention painful and incredibly time consuming. I think if you're one of the lucky ones with a baby that pops on quietly and feeds in 20 mind then brilliant but there's a whole range of things that can make it all a bit of a palava. I've started bottle feeding once or twice a day now so I can get out and have it be 'covenient' for me.

Goodwordguide · 06/02/2015 07:50

YABU to generalise. I ebf my 3 DCs and thought FF looked like such an expensive faff - all that equipment, buying milk, sterilising etc. On numerous occasions, if I was out with friends who were ff, we had to divert via a shop or back home because they had forgotten a bottle or carton etc. Not sure why you need a shawl but that's up to you.

If it's not working for you then switch but don't generalise to everyone's experience. I imagine your doctor was promoting it as more convenient partly because it's free and requires no equipment. But again, if it's not convenient for you, switch - no big deal.

DisappointedOne · 06/02/2015 07:50

Combination of baby with no sucking reflex and no hunger (tummy full of mucus), flat nipples, enormous boobs that wouldn't fit into any nursing bras made breastfeeding near impossible for me. I tried for 3 weeks or more, giving expressed milk in breastflow bottles after each failed latching session. When she was 4 weeks I bought a double electric breast pump and that was me for the next 7 months. Now THAT was often inconvenient.

MrsPiggie · 06/02/2015 07:51

I found it convenient. Sorry it didn't work for you, but no need to generalise.

Sunnysideup5883 · 06/02/2015 07:53

I had non of the issues you had. BF was a dream

Do try to loose your worries about breast feeding in public, it's very normal.

UngratefulMoo · 06/02/2015 07:53

Breastfeeding was extremely convenient for me and DD. I'm sorry it's not working out for you, OP. If you hate it that much, stop!

MaryWestmacott · 06/02/2015 07:54

Btw - if you do switch to formula, look at the brands like SMA that do the ready made formula with sterilised teets they can put on the top so no need for a bottle, just have one of each in your change bag to avoid the being out without a bottle crisis.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 06/02/2015 07:57

I'm an NCT/lactivist/ extended feeding type but like many of us I expect would say ....

Well done, you've given your dd an especially good start in life
If she's more susceptible to colds than ds she may have needed the BFing more (you can't do a scientific comparison with just two children)
Finally convenient for some less so for others.
Sounds like you might "move on" to FF to me (though slightly loathe to use that expression!)
Be happy! Enjoy your dd Smile

Writerwannabe83 · 06/02/2015 07:57

YANBU for feeling the way you do.

YABU for generalising. BF isn't a con and be extremely convenient for some.

I think I first breast fed in public when DS was 8 weeks old (in my GP Surgery waiting room) and I never found it a faff.

When DS was 3 months my MIL took ill and me and DH went to the hospital end ended up staying for 10 hours. It was wonderful not having to worry about bottles, sterilising, powder and having to worry about running out of feeding supplies. Having milk on tap was brilliant.

DS is 10.5 months now and I still breast feed him and it's sooooooo convenient and simple.

He has one bottle of formula at the childminders twice a week and I find it a PITA making up one bottle, I can't even imagine the faff of having to make 6-8 a day when he was younger.

However, as had been said YANBU at all if you want to stop. If it isn't working for you and it's making you unhappy then just stop. You've done three months of EBF which is a credit to you.

Claybury · 06/02/2015 07:58

You've done well to get this far. Maybe tell yourself you'll give it say one more month and if it's really getting to you you'll stop. But you might find things have got easier. It usually gets easier as time goes by, as feeds are less frequent.

I'm in some ways lazy and never wanted to deal with bottles. I also loved lying in bed feeding as I could drift off to sleep as i was was always exhausted. I have lovely memories of doing this when DS was a toddler - I ended up feeding at nap time and bedtime only once he was 12-15 months , and it's a completely different thing compared to a young baby when either which way you feed life is hard.
Good luck. It gets easier.

stitch10yearson · 06/02/2015 08:01

as others have said. Yanbu to find your situation difficult. But YABU to believe that this means it is always inconvenient.
The vast majority of people find BF incredibly convenient after the first few weeks. some find EBF good as well. Personally I thought EBF was a pain, but to others it was a solution to their problems. My advice to you would be to ditch the guilt, and do what is simpler and easier for you and your family. If that is formula feeding, then thats absolutely fine, if its EBF, thats absolutely fine too.
best of luck

Nolim · 06/02/2015 08:03

In my case bf was a considerably easier than ff. bf in public has never been a problem and i find all the boiling/mixing/estarilizing exhausting.

But everyones circumstances are different. As long as you baby thrives and you are happy go for it.

DilysMoon · 06/02/2015 08:04

I found ff dc1 an almighty faff and complete pain.

I Ebf dc2 and am currently Ebf my 3month old and I find so much more convenient and easier than ff, I'm hoping to get to a year this time so I don't have to faff about with bottles.

YANBU to say it's not more convenient for you but YABU to suggest that that applies generally. Sorry to hear it's not working out thoughThanks

Cherrypi · 06/02/2015 08:05

You've got this far keep going. You can do it. Why risk your baby's health just for convenience?

muminhants · 06/02/2015 08:12

You've done it to three months. If it's not working anymore, stop. I stopped at 4 months (well 16 weeks). Bottle feeding has its pluses, not least that anyone can feed baby and so it gives mum more freedom.

BUT

Do what suits you, not what you think the rest of the world expects you to do.

SomewhereIBelong · 06/02/2015 08:14

BF is not compulsory.

I mixed fed, it suited me. My children are perfectly healthy.

ShadowSpiral · 06/02/2015 08:15

YANBU to find breastfeeding less convenient for you. It does sound like you've been a bit unlucky.

YABU to suggest this means breastfeeding's a con.

I bottle fed DS1 after failing to establish breastfeeding, and breastfeed DS2, and IME breastfeeding DS2 (once breastfeeding was established) has been lots easier and so much more convenient than bottle feeding DS1 ever was.

I agree that getting breastfeeding established can be very difficult and inconvenient - impossibly so in some cases - but if you can get breastfeeding established, I think it's going to be true for most women that it's more convenient than formula.

saintlyjimjams · 06/02/2015 08:16

Having done both for many years my main gripe about bottle feeding ds3 from a young age was that it was a PITA & breast feeding was so much more convenient. I must have whinged for a full year about that. Obviously it's moly convenient when it works (ds1 & ds2) and not when it doesn't (ds3).

TRexingInAsda · 06/02/2015 08:22

YABU. Bottle feeding you have to carry round a bottle with you, have some way to heat it up, wash up after and sterilise. If you're out longer than expected you can't feed the baby. With bf, you can feed anywhere, instantly at the perfect temperature, no prep, no buying/carrying bottles/milk around, no heating up, no washing up/sterilising, no problem if you get stuck somewhere all day/night, all you need is you and your baby.

It's a shame you have an issue about feeding in public. Most people won't notice or care, and those that do need to see it more often, not less, so they get used to it.

Wheelsonthebus123 · 06/02/2015 08:28

I did a mixture of feeding directly, and expressing for 6 weeks before giving up with feeding directly altogether as it was too difficult and for me expressing was far far more convenient. I probably only persevered with feeding directly for as long as I did because of the pressure I felt when my mum waxed lyrical about what as amazing experience breastfeeding was for her and how it would be wonderful for me once I got the hang of it.

CarlaVeloso · 06/02/2015 08:31

It just seems like a big con where we are told it's best for baby and it's 'so convenient' and natural when really it is just a gigantic pain in the arse.

It's not a con. It's what your body was designed for. I find it very convenient. Many, many people do.

I really sympathise with you though. Lots of people find bf hard. Better to switch to formula if that's what you're happier with. It's a good alternative.

No need to rant about it and potentially put others off trying it. It's just your personal experience.

Eminybob · 06/02/2015 08:34

I see what you are saying as DS has gone through phases of really fussing on the breast, especially when we are out and about, and I didn't get the hang of feeding in public for ages (I used to hide in loos Blush)
But now, 7 months in its second nature and so much more convenient (and cheaper!) than formula feeding.

Hang in there, it will get better, I promise. I seem to remember 3 months being a tough age for us too.

tinymeteor · 06/02/2015 08:35

It's not unreasonable to feel funny about public feeding, and some posters here are being frankly passive aggressive on that point. Your boobs are your boobs and its up to you where your privacy threshold is. If you don't like public feeding or have a baby that likes to wriggle and makes discretion impossible, then no it may not be the convenient option. And I say this as a merry BFing convert who has fed in the middle of a car dealership during my MOT, fwiw.

ourglass · 06/02/2015 08:35

*YABU to extrapolate from your own experience and make a generalisation "BF is not convenient". For many people, it is,

YANBU to not find it convenient for you, and find an alternative that works for you.*

100%.

It was a piece of piss for me with two children, doesn't mean I can say that for everyone for a fact. So YABU.

BestZebbie · 06/02/2015 08:39

I totally agree with you, OP - I am expressing all my milk to give to my DS in bottles because of still wanting to do human milk but without the monumental faff and also pain of breastfeeding.
Recent places he has got hungry and been immediately fed include eg: in his pram whilst standing in the bus queue, during a long walk with wet ground and no benches in January when I was wearing about six layers of clothing and in our house whilst I was out doing something else and his dad was looking after him.
Expressing also lets me stop and pump when it suits me, and loads of times it has been great to be able to even out irregularities in when he wants to feed - a baby that sleeps for 10 hours and then wants to drink steadily for 4 hours wouldn't get much satisfaction after they had emptied both sides until it filled up again, with milk in bottles ready from 2 or 3 expressing whilst he was sleeping I can keep bringing it out until he is done.
I will admit that washing the pump and sticking it in the microwave for 6 mins multiple times a day has got old fast, but it still seems much more convenient than eg: getting cracked/bitten nipples or mastitis from a blocked duct and having to feed through that! (pumping is great for sorting out blockages as you can set the pump to low and spend as long as you want on one side massaging it until it clears, which your baby may not be so interested in gently helping with)