Baby shower fee???

[Bedsheets4knickers]

Got invited to a friends baby shower a few weeks ago . It now comes about to attend we have to pay £22 for the privilege . Is this normal etiquette???

Been to one. Never again. It would have been nicer just to go round to my mate's house. The stupid games, including a revolting one, were irritating and just interrupted the conversation. Plus any type of shower is about being given gifts - weird when the MTB organises it herself.... I don't believe that is the point.

But, my biggest issue is that I would prefer to give a present once the baby is born. I can then get something relevant rather than generic and I just don't like the idea of giving a gift before the baby is born; I feel could jinx things and if anything were to go wrong could add to the pain of the situation.

"how else can the host cover the cost of drinks, food, decorations etc?"

I had no idea that this was an acceptable approach; I shall immediately apply this approach to the DCs' next birthday party. I have two coming up in the next 7 weeks so it'll be a real moneysaver for me.

"The point of a baby shower is that the pregnant persons friends get together and do something nice for the person expecting the baby! Of course you pay for yourself!"

From what I gather from my US friends (where baby showers been a Thing for ages), the point of a baby shower is that the pregnant woman's very bestest friends host a party at which her more extended circle of friends get together and do something nice (etc.), generally involving gifts. I've even created the invitations (digitally, for local printing) for a couple of them recently and there's no suggestion of a cover charge or attendance fee. You keep the cost down to the point where the hosts can afford it, or you solicit donations in kind (e.g. pot-luck supper where everyone brings a gift).

wowfudge you are not jinxing things by buying a gift. Parents don't feel worse because they've got all the stuff.

Paying to attend an event never heard the likes,and like most things you can't exactly turn up empty handed either, so that's money and a present.
Over my dead body would I be paying a penny.

It's such a cliche to be miserable about baby showers.

I don't give a shit if it's a cliché. The last fucking thing I wanted in my last long-awaited and ultimately pretty hazardous pregnancy was any more bloody jinxing. Some friends wanted to organise one for me but I refused.

duchesse, to be fair, that's sounds like a slightly different reason for being anti-baby shower than the vast majority of the above comments.

Ask the host for an itemised receipt. If she is rude enough to ask for money, you can be rude enough to query her expenses.

how else will the host cover the cost?

Some people need to stop being so contrived and superficial & more considerate of others -THAT would be a good way of keeping costs down!

People are already being thoughtful and considerate and spending good money on buying the gifts-whether it is of their own choice or they've been 'presented' with a list. they are already taking time out to do this when they could just as well choose to just pop in when it suits them and give her their gift.
It doesn't HAVE to be a massive 'party' with lots of food/drink/decorations etc. It is perfectly possible to have a lovely and simple party with just the usual tea/coffee/cold drinks and some savoury nibbles etc thrown in and some decorations.

in fact, i think the host could easily achieve that on a budget of £30 or less - depending on/exactly how many people are coming? cost shared would be cheaper & people happier to chip in...or she might even make a profit on it if she asks for donations of a 'couple of pounds' etc.

in situations like this i would just take my gift and tell the host i'd rather take some nibbles/cake etc.

If organising any event, the organisers are free to charge an entry fee but should be clear from the start what the deal is. Either throw a party as an act of love and generosity - with or without soliciting minor contributions in-kind like please-bring-a-bottle/snacks /pudding. Or arrange a ticketed event that guests pay for. What is crass and unacceptable is issuing invitations as if it was a normal party, waiting for acceptances, and THEN revealing it's actually a ticketed event.

I'm not talking about paying to attend a shower at someones house, I'm talking about meeting up at a restaurant or hotel for food that costs per head. Surely it is expected for that kind of event that the attendees pay for themselves + a share of the cost to the MTB?

It's also never been my experience that the MTB knows anything about it beforehand so being is a bit harsh if the recipient doesn't know what is happening!

End of the day it's an invite not a summons applies. Decline if you so choose and allow people who want to be a part of a celebration to celebrate.

Wowfudge - I lost dd1 at birth. We had had a baby shower for her/me a couple of weeks before.

I never regretted it, as it was one of very few memories I had surrounding my daughter, one of the only 2 occasions people gathered to celebrate her. The second time was her funeral. Knowing that we had played games guessing her weight and arrival, that she had had clothing selected for her etc - all of it was another tangible thing linking me to someone I'll never see again.

I'm glad I have those memories of celebrating my pregnancy and baby girl.

Oh these things are so naff , been to one was bored out of my brain, as was mum to be, such contrived naff ness , someone's had sex, got pregnant and now we have to shower her with gifts??? Nah I wait for the baby to arrive send gift and flowers wait for the new mum to find her feet then nip over for a coffee,

And fwiw, I expected no gifts, and the things I got were a lovely unexpected treat. All of which I've kept. Some in dd1s memory box, some my rainbow dc used.

In addition, I provided food and drink. A close friend organised the games. No cost to any of the guests.

See now slithylove I feel completely horrible and am crying at your lovely memories, maybe I should try and be a kinder person, so glad you have those lovely memories

Sorry! No need to change your opinion of baby showers, Im sure some are completely naff! Just offering a different perspective on the whole jinxing concept

What Wandering Cloud said. Surely your being asked to pay for afternoon tea at a restaurant, not to gain entrance to the woman's house! Nothing vulgar about that I'm.

I still want to know about the 'games'.

Gosh there are some miserable sods in here.

A first baby is a HUGE life event, why can we not shower the expected baby with gifts/love/attention?

Colleagues threw a baby shower for my first child; I was overwhelmed and almost embarrassed by the gifts but it remains a very special memory and helped me feel supported at a wonderful-yet-terrifying time. I can still recall every gift and who gave them, and the feeling of gratitude i had that they were interested in my child.

With my second I just went out to dinner with some close friends as a sort of last supper. No gifts, no WAY! Just marking the moment.

I am always happy to go to baby showers and share the magic of the eagerly anticipated baby.

Though I have to conceded that being expected to pay to attend isn't very cool...

I've only been to baby showers in the US and no one was ever charged for attending, so don't blame that one on the Americans. Thats just some weird UK version.
Showers are thrown by the Mum/MIL and sisters/friends of the mum to be, men never used to attend, but would turn up near the end to help load baby stuff in the car drive half drunk ladies home
More recently it seems that future Dads are now included in the US.

I would tell them to f**k off but I'm unsophisticated like that

"I'm not talking about paying to attend a shower at someones house, I'm talking about meeting up at a restaurant or hotel for food that costs per head. Surely it is expected for that kind of event that the attendees pay for themselves + a share of the cost to the MTB?"

Right, so I can charge people to attend the DCs' birthday parties so long as I hold them at softplay or laserquest, or somewhere else that charges per head?

A shower implies that gifts are expected. If you are hosting an event at which gifts are expected (weddings, birthday parties, showers) then it is rude to charge to cover your costs; you as host plan the type of event that your budget will allow, and the guests give the type of presents that their budgets will allow, and everyone is happy. If on the other hand a group of friends is arranging to go out for a meal/tea together to celebrate an event (which could be a birthday or an impending baby) then they can obviously share the cost however they want. But then don't call it a shower.

Wowfudge I think I am like you. I was offered a baby shower but politely declined, I just don't like the idea. I will celebrate baby's arrival once he or she is safely here. Before hand seems like counting your chickens before they area hatched and makes me a little uncomfortable.

I appreciate that others feel differently.

I honestly think it's ridiculous. At least when you're expected to bring a gift you can choose to buy a gift you can afford. Baby showers are pretty cringy anyway, it's not even like a wedding where you're expecting to be given a meal and drinks and a chance to relax with your friends/DP.

There seems to be a proliferation of time and expense to mark important moments in other people's lives; engagement party, hen party, bridal shower, wedding, baby shower etc. I think a wedding present and maybe a small present when the baby is born if you're close should be enough. If people want to throw a party to mark occasions that's lovely but surely they can fund it themselves.