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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby shower fee???

116 replies

Bedsheets4knickers · 05/02/2015 21:44

Got invited to a friends baby shower a few weeks ago . It now comes about to attend we have to pay £22 for the privilege . Is this normal etiquette???

OP posts:
pointythings · 05/02/2015 22:02

Um no - it's a nice get together and you would normally bring a thoughtful something for mother to be and/or baby. I wouldn't go, and I'd let her know why. (But I'm a stroppy cow)

Original poster
Bedsheets4knickers · 05/02/2015 22:04

Thanks ladies it had given me the right hump . Glad I'm not the only one. X

OP posts:
apostropheuse · 05/02/2015 22:05

Good grief why on earth would anyone think it's normal or acceptable to pay for the privilege of attending an event where the main purpose is to shower the host with gifts? How bizarre.

Some people are money-grabbing mercenary gits who need to re-think their attitude.

Just say no thanks.

meditrina · 05/02/2015 22:11

The host isn't (or shouldn't be) the honouree.

So small shower-type gift to the mother-to-be is still required.

How the host arranges costs would come down to how you usually have gatherings. If it's going out and you usually go Dutch (plus a bit to cover the honouree, who really mustn't be billed by the host) then this sort of arrangement would be unexceptional. If it's in the host's home, then perhaps contributions in kind, rather than cold hard cash.

gamerchick · 05/02/2015 22:14

If you chuck a party then whoever chucking it covers the cost.

Unless you're a bellend.

superzero · 05/02/2015 22:14

I have been to a couple that were afternoon tea in a hotel when I did pay,as I would if attending a hen do.
I might pay if a friend organised it on someone's behalf to help share costs.
But if the pregnant person was organising it herself ,at her house,to celebrate her own pregnancy ,I wouldn't expect to have to pay; bloody cheeky!

AliceInHinterland · 05/02/2015 22:17

Etiquette of a baby shower. Sounds like an oxymoron to me.

RhubarbAndMustard · 05/02/2015 22:18

Yep, depends where it is. Someone's house- no you should not have to pay.

I'm going to an afternoon tea baby shower, at a hotel and am quite prepared to cover my bill.

gallicgirl · 05/02/2015 22:18

I went to one that was afternoon tea in a cafe. We paid for ourselves plus extra to cover the mum, a few decorations and games and a small present as I recall.

If it had been held at someone's home though, I would have expected to bring food and decorations rather than pay money.

FitzgeraldProtagonist · 05/02/2015 22:32

Someone else organised mine and they charged!!! I was so embarrassed and still cringe now. I offered to pay for everyone but then everyone was up in arms about how I shouldn't pay. Aggrah.

bettyboop1970 · 05/02/2015 22:35

Another bloody American import we can all live without!

SkilledatSkiving · 05/02/2015 22:38

Whatever next. It's all so vulgar

I bloody hate baby showers and I've never even been to one.

Sallyingforth · 05/02/2015 22:39

Another bloody American import we can all live without!

Here here!

Lanaandmaria2014 · 05/02/2015 22:46

I thought it was an American thing, never been invited to one. Anyway, who organises them? I thought they were supposed to be a surprise for the mum to be or does the mum organise it? I wouldn't let anyone organise one for me - sounds so crass and grabby. Having my 4mo dd I've been given lovely gifts by work, the 2 grans and friends - I don't need to buy her any clothes or toys. Lovely generosity - I'd certainly never expect anything.

duchesse · 05/02/2015 22:48

I loathe baby showers- apart from the fact that they reek of entitlement (the baby isn't even there yet FGS and it hasn't yet passed the most dangerous bit coupled with the implication that presents and presence are required as though worshipping at the altar of a pregnant goddess), they are a nasty import from a culture obsessed with consumerism and should be stamped out as quickly as possible.

I really should learn to be less guarded in my answers...

BumWad · 05/02/2015 22:51

Agree duchesse!

Load of bollocks

arethereanyleftatall · 05/02/2015 22:51

Is it at a restaurant or at someone's house?

WineIsMyMainVice · 05/02/2015 22:52

22 quid is a lot of money for a few sarnies!!!!

Aretepetite · 05/02/2015 22:56

What Jimmycrackcorn said !

BehindEveryCloud · 05/02/2015 23:01

What are you getting for £22??

OddBoots · 05/02/2015 23:01

Is it out at a country house or similar? More of a pre-birth party like a pre-motherhood hen do type thing?

BehindEveryCloud · 05/02/2015 23:01

Bloody hate baby showers btw

AliceInHinterland · 05/02/2015 23:02

I'm happy to buy a present for the baby (and mum) when the baby is actually born, but I resent buying them twice. You can't really visit empty handed after the birth so you're backed into a corner. And I also dislike the idea that you have to provide all the practical stuff for the parents. If you're having a baby you should really be prepared to buy the stuff that goes with it. How can we stop the madness?

Discopanda · 05/02/2015 23:02

My friend had a baby shower last summer, a couple of her other friends offered to organise it then sent round a message asking everyone to chip in £10 Shock my then-pregnant friend hit the roof, the 'organiser' friends basically said they didn't want to pay for decorations, food, etc, themselves so I helped her organise it herself. IMO it's OK to ask guests to bring a bottle or even throw a BBQ and ask people to bring a nibble, but asking for money is just plain tacky. If you really can't afford to host it, have it at a restaurant or tea room and ask people to pay for what they order.

LineRunner · 05/02/2015 23:07

Games?? What bloody games??! Has the world gone mad?