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AIBU?

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Original poster

Baby shower fee???

116 replies

Bedsheets4knickers · 05/02/2015 21:44

Got invited to a friends baby shower a few weeks ago . It now comes about to attend we have to pay £22 for the privilege . Is this normal etiquette???

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 05/02/2015 23:07

"how else can the host cover the cost of drinks, food, decorations etc?"

If you can't afford to lay on a few sandwiches and a bit of cake then you shouldn't be having a party. Whenever I have entertained I have never asked people to pay to eat at my house. How rude can people be?

I don't know anyone in RL who has had a baby shower and if I was invited to one I would make my excuses and not go.

noseymcposey · 05/02/2015 23:07

Eh? Who do you think is supposed to pay for the baby shower then?

The point of a baby shower is that the pregnant persons friends get together and do something nice for the person expecting the baby! Of course you pay for yourself!

Do you think the pregnant person should pay for it all?

Or whoever decides to organise should pay for all the guests?

Both those options seem utterly bizarre. Paying for yourself is the norm in the 8-9 baby showers I've been to.

To be fair we usually go out somewhere so splitting the bill is appropriate.

shakemysilliesout · 05/02/2015 23:09

I don't attend showers. I will visit a new baby with gift and attend baptism with gift but I wait til baby is safely here. I would decline regardless of cost. Fwiw I have enough hen dos without hen do style baby showers.

noseymcposey · 05/02/2015 23:11

And wtf does everyone have against a baby shower apart from the fact they originated in America?

Meet up with friends for either dinner/afternoon tea. Chat. Take interest in pregnant friend. Play couple of games. Eat cake/drink wine.

How awful.

BackforGood · 05/02/2015 23:11

2 separate issues :
In terms of 'paying to go to a party' etiquette. If you throw a party, the you take the hit on the coscts, or before you start inviting people, you say "You can use my house but is everyone happy to bring a dish/bottle?" or "Some of us are going out becuase it's {insert occasion}. It will cost £x, can you let me know if you are coming so i can book a table." You can't invite people somewhere then present a bill.

Other issue is the whole concept of a baby showerin the first place. Awful, grabby, concept. Much nicer to pop round after baby's safe arrival with a gift and maybe something you've cooked.

noseymcposey · 05/02/2015 23:12

And it's really churlish to decline because you don't want to pay £20 odd quid (unless you can't afford it). Surely the point is to do something nice for your friend?

OwlinaTree · 05/02/2015 23:13

Can't stand this baby shower idea. Much nicer to buy something for the baby when it's here. I have always declined invitations to these.

I can understand wanting a get together with your mates before the baby is born and you can't see people for a while, but why not a little party, why does it have to involve presents for the baby?

noseymcposey · 05/02/2015 23:14

Why is it an awful grabby concept??

Why is is nicer to give a gift after the baby has arrived instead of before?

It's actually less about gifts than it is about just showing support for the pregnant friend.

It's such a cliche to be miserable about baby showers.

meditrina · 05/02/2015 23:15

It involves presents when you decide it is a shower (which is short for "shower with gifts", and means you have to take a present).

If you just want a get together before the baby arrives, then you call it something else.

OwlinaTree · 05/02/2015 23:15

Even the name grates on me, just implies 'give presents, lots of them' grrrrrr

BehindEveryCloud · 05/02/2015 23:16

The point of a baby shower is that the pregnant persons friends get together and do something nice for the person expecting the baby! Of course you pay for yourself!

Why is this a thing now?? We need to stop the spread of baby showers!! I resent that it is becoming an obligation... Surely I can choose to do nice things for a pregnant friend without a list of tacky expectations that basically just form a glorified children's party with games and gift bags.

This grabby culture is ridiculous. Pay for your own damn baby and let your friends 'shower' you with genuine well wishes not tainted by resentment for having to cover multiple gifts. Hate Pregzillas.

noseymcposey · 05/02/2015 23:16

'why does it have to involve presents for the baby?'

None of the baby showers I've been to really do involve presents. We might club together and get something between all attendees and then if other people want to give something extra after the baby is born then so be it. Or not.

In my experience, it's always been a little party, thrown by the friends of the mum-to-be to give them a bit of attention, support and fun.

OwlinaTree · 05/02/2015 23:17

If it was support for the pregnant lady it would be called a pregnancy party or a soon to be mum soirée or a third trimester tea party.

OddBoots · 05/02/2015 23:18

My friends aren't baby shower types, we have gone out together before various births to enjoy some grown up time before the baby arrives but it's not been about giving presents, that happens after the baby arrives. In such a gathering of course I'd pay my own way and among my friends we'd cover the pregnant friend's share too.

noseymcposey · 05/02/2015 23:18

Well, I think you are all miserable buggers :)

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 05/02/2015 23:18

Decline, they'd probably try to nick your monolo blanc's too (well, scruffy old docs or whatever, but you get me?)

noseymcposey · 05/02/2015 23:19

'A third trimester teaparty'? Are you kidding?

Or, it could just be called a baby shower.

shakemysilliesout · 05/02/2015 23:19

I can't visit a new baby without a gift but baby showers require a gift too so I buy twice and a 3rd time for baptism. So it's not that it's nicer to buy once baby is here its just I end up buying twice.

AliceInHinterland · 05/02/2015 23:20

It's grabby because the majority of the time there seems to be a gift list. I'm sure they'll be the usual line that you 'might as well buy something they need'. A catch up with friends before the baby is born is a different thing. It does not need a name. Or games. Or a gift list.

apostropheuse · 05/02/2015 23:21

Owlinatree, wash your mouth out. Someone might hear you and start another new fad!

musicalendorphins2 · 05/02/2015 23:21

AmericasTorturedBrow Thu 05-Feb-15 21:54:47

every baby shower I've been to the host has covered costs or asked everyone to bring a dish or whatever - not sent out a fee or bill. Cheek

Exactly. People have no grace these days.

BehindEveryCloud · 05/02/2015 23:22

I'm a total hypocrite. I say "stop the spread" while currently roped into helping organising one Blush have been expressing my distaste tho and friend knows I don't agree with the concept but will go along with a get-together type thing pre-baby.

My gift will be a cake that I make - I outright refuse to buy the baby 2 gifts and would not see a newborn empty handed.

OwlinaTree · 05/02/2015 23:23

It was kind of tongue in cheek nosey Grin

I dunno, they just give me the rage. I'm fine with birthday parties etc and with giving gifts. I think it's that the name implies that it's just about the gifts.

meditrina · 05/02/2015 23:23

'Or, it could just be called a baby shower.'

Yes, if the purpose is to shower with gifts. Otherwise it's like inviting people round to see a match but not putting the telly on. If you just want them to come round, you call it something else.

BackforGood · 05/02/2015 23:26

Its 'grabby' because the invitation is to "shower the baby/ mum-to-be with gifts "
As other people say, I'd have no issue with going out with a friend, or going to her house or someone else's house for a lunch or an afternoon tea, but thats not what e're talking about. We're talking about a request to shower someone with gifts. Which is why it's grabby.