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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really upset that a mum sent her child to school ill again

795 replies

Yesitismeagain · 05/02/2015 17:01

I work in a primary school. One boy (age 9) cried today because he felt so unwell. He was ill yesterday (temperature and feeling ill with it) and his parents were called early, but they didn't come till normal pick up.

Today he was back in, but was obviously very unwell from the start. The school phoned by 9.30am to come and get him. He was crying, shivering and just lying on the floor in the 'sick room' (a small room off the office).

By 2pm a parent still hadn't arrived. The office were told that the neither parent could come as they work.

Is it just me that this is neglect?

OP posts:
clam · 08/02/2015 10:49

"but I wouldn't collect a sick child"

Lovely to see Charity alive and well.

tiggytape · 08/02/2015 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marynary · 08/02/2015 10:55

but I wouldn't collect a sick child

Lovely to see Charity alive and well.

How ironic that you talk of "charity" when in reality you are clearly couldn't care less about whether or not the children you teach live in poverty as long as you aren't inconvenienced in your job as a teacher.

I wouldn't take a sick child as I don't want to risk my health. I agree that other children's health shouldn't be at risk either and that is why schools should have a sick room so that children can go there immediately when sick. Even if the parent is there in 30 minutes the child will still have infected other children if they are not separated.

Marynary · 08/02/2015 10:59

Suffer what consequences? If someone has a boss who will sack them for a day off with a sick child then nothing a school can do will save that family from the consequences.
Sooner or later the child will have D&V or break a limb or get chickenpox and the parent will be forced to miss work. If their boss then sacks them for that, nothing a school can do will change that.

They may not get D&V or break a limb or get chickenpox though. It hasn't happened to my children and it isn't inevitable. Between the ages of 7 and 11, I don't think my children had any time off school due to illness.

mimishimmi · 08/02/2015 11:00

^I am astounding that people can be so bloody heartless that they can leave an unwell child in an entirely unsuitable environment for hours on principle.
An unwell child needs to know they are cared about.^

Yeah.....by their parents.....

tiggytape · 08/02/2015 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeruvianFoodLover · 08/02/2015 11:07

tiggy I agree with what you say - which is why I think the best way to get this on the social agenda is for schools to stop sitting on the fence and act on every single instance.

This would overwhelm the local social services, and undoubtedly reach the media - just as the zero tolerance to unauthorised abscence has. What is disingenuous is the way in which individuals working in schools choose to berate and judge (with a mental list) those parents who are reacting to circumstances as they occur while at the same time, accepting their employers wishy-washy attitude.

Would this thread have been different if the OP had criticised her school for it's lack of action against the parents? Because that's what needs to happen. Staff who feel strongly about this should influence change within the schools they work in.

The OP mentions neglect - the school has a responsibility towards children's safeguarding - and yet the school did not act. If I were the OP, I'd be asking the HT why not.

Marynary · 08/02/2015 11:08

So yes schools would hate to think a family would lose one income due to a sick child but they would be more bothered that a parent is in such a terrible position that they may be putting their child's health second or even at risk to make sure they never miss work. That is not sustainable but equally the school cannot solve that. They are only open for 39 weeks a year for 6 hours or so on weekdays and do not have the staff or facilities to in any way care for a child who is very ill.

Many families have only one income in the first place so the child could suffer considerably if the parent loses their job. Considering there won't be any health consequences if it is a minor illness and if it is major there shouldn't be either your argument that the child's health is being put at risk is not true. Stop trying to pretend that arguments have anything to do with the welfare of the child. That isn't clearly not your main concern.

MythicalKings · 08/02/2015 11:09

And it isn't the school's job to look after ill children. Why are there some people who still can't see that?

Even if every school had a sick bay the parent would still be contacted to fetch the child ASAP.

Marynary · 08/02/2015 11:09

tiggytape I'm sure many teachers do care about the welfare of the child. I just don't think it is the your or clams main concern.

Marynary · 08/02/2015 11:14

that is why schools should have a sick room
Have you seen the threads about A level art students having A5 books torn in half to save money? Or TAs who are made redundant and teachers who are not replaced as "natural wastage" saves money. There is just about enough money to provide the bare minimum in many schools and not always that. In addition every inch of spare pace is used to take bulge classes to accommodate the recent baby boom which means hundreds can be left with no school place. There is nothing in the budget for a staffed sick bay at all. And even if there was, the child would still be pretty distressed since state schools don't give medicines that aren't prescribed.

My children go to school so I am well aware of financial restrains. I am also aware the some school (e.g. both my children's) have prioritised having a sick room and I think it is something that should happen in other schools.

tiggytape · 08/02/2015 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RufusTheReindeer · 08/02/2015 11:17

I have taken other peoples unwell children home, mostly friends children but one occasion I knew the parent vaguely as I was leaving school after volunteering I noticed the child in the office. Mum hadn't been able to pick her up (doctor) but would come as soon as she could, school rang her and asked was she happy for Rufus to take her home and she was,

But depending on the illness and whether I had smaller children at home I might not do it...

RufusTheReindeer · 08/02/2015 11:18

At our infant school the sick bay is a little bench in the office, just big enough for them to curl up on if they are really rough

RufusTheReindeer · 08/02/2015 12:07

Our junior school has a bed, senior school has a bed and a nurse

There does seem to be a distinct lack of facilities going by this thread

AKnickerfulOfMenace · 08/02/2015 12:20

Nips back in to applaud Aalya's post.

PeruvianFoodLover · 08/02/2015 12:38

Unfortunately for the parents in this situation though who would like change, their plight would not overwhelm the system in many regions

I can only speak from my own experience - Soc Serv are already overwhelmed and as I've indicated upthread rely on schools to assist them in carrying out their safeguarding functions. From threads on MN, I had assumed other SocServ depts were similarly under resourced - maybe they all live in the same area as me!

Although this thread has been dominated by discussing parents who will be sacked on the spot if they leave, the reality in most schools is that few families are in that exact position.

If parents delaying the collection of a sick child an exception rather than a regular occurrence in schools then maybe a policy is overkill. I had been left with the impression by this thread that there are rows of sick DCs waiting in drafty school reception areas that the administrators are struggling to cope with.

tiggytape · 08/02/2015 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

plinkyplonks · 08/02/2015 12:56

Yesitismeagain

YANBU - I agree.

My niece has picked up a viral infection from school (tonsillitus) and now my DH has it. I'm now coming down with it as well - I am 28 weeks pregnant and my immune system is compromised as it is.

Going to work or sending your kids to school with a viral infection is irresponsible and profoundly selfish.

AKnickerfulOfMenace · 08/02/2015 13:03

Plinky, sorry to hear that . But did the parents know it was tonsillitis or was it just a sore throat , or even symptomless at 8am before child went to breakfast club?

Marynary · 08/02/2015 13:05

What I meant is that, despite this thread, it is rare for someone to have a horrible boss, insecure zero hours contract, a partner with a horrible boss and zero hours contract AND no family nearby to help out ever.
Plenty of people have a horrible boss but a grandparent who will collect.
Plenty of people have no family nearby but a lovely boss who will let them work from home.
Most people are in the middle - they have a grumpy boss who will give them hell but grudgingly let them go to collect their sick child without sacking anyone.

It's also rare for people people not to collect their children even according to you. Therefore maybe those who don't (as in the case of the OP) are in the position of horrible boss, no job security and no family nearby.

plinkyplonks · 08/02/2015 13:06

Unfortunately no way to know which child started it all off by coming in ill. My experience from my school days and from family members in teaching is that parents send their kids to school ill - this includes flu, tonsillitis - and don't bother get their kids checked out by a doctor. People are so lax about it - oh x condition is going round the school - everyone has it?! As if that's acceptable behaviour? It's utter stupidity :(

Icimoi · 08/02/2015 13:07

Mimi, I probably didn't make myself clear enough. I didn't intend to suggest that any emergency contact should be prepared to collect and look after the children even if they were potentially infectious - I meant that parents should aim to have people as emergency contacts who are prepared to do that. In my case, it was the childminder who looked after them at home after school and in the holidays, or my parents; but in fact I generally operated on the basis tiggytape refers to, i.e. dh and I juggled our work commitments; and in fact when they were small I worked part time precisely so that I could be more available for them.

Marynary · 08/02/2015 13:07

What I meant is that, despite this thread, it is rare for someone to have a horrible boss, insecure zero hours contract, a partner with a horrible boss and zero hours contract AND no family nearby to help out ever.
Plenty of people have a horrible boss but a grandparent who will collect.
Plenty of people have no family nearby but a lovely boss who will let them work from home.
Most people are in the middle - they have a grumpy boss who will give them hell but grudgingly let them go to collect their sick child without sacking anyone.

It's also rare for people people not to collect their children even according to you. Therefore maybe those who don't (as in the case of the OP) are in the position of horrible boss, no job security and no family nearby.

MythicalKings · 08/02/2015 13:10

But that doesn't mean they shouldn't leave work and collect the child. Of course they should, the child needs them.