Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really upset that a mum sent her child to school ill again

795 replies

Yesitismeagain · 05/02/2015 17:01

I work in a primary school. One boy (age 9) cried today because he felt so unwell. He was ill yesterday (temperature and feeling ill with it) and his parents were called early, but they didn't come till normal pick up.

Today he was back in, but was obviously very unwell from the start. The school phoned by 9.30am to come and get him. He was crying, shivering and just lying on the floor in the 'sick room' (a small room off the office).

By 2pm a parent still hadn't arrived. The office were told that the neither parent could come as they work.

Is it just me that this is neglect?

OP posts:
PeruvianFoodLover · 07/02/2015 13:08

Would anyone leave Their 6yo home alone when they have no choice but to work?

I'm sure I'm not the only person who has arrived at work to find a sick child sat in the rest room/corner of the office and yes, I've had colleagues who I've worked with in front line jobs who have left sick a primary school child home alone - making a call home every hour, dashing home at lunchtime and similar.

It's not ideal. But I'd hazard a guess that it may only happen once or twice to each individual family. The problem is, schools deal with hundreds of families.

But what's the solution? It may be illegal to fire someone for leaving early, it may be against employment law to discipline a staff member for taking emergency leave but while that case is being pursued, the family can't live on fresh air. In my experience, the people who take out constructive/unfair dismissal cases are the ones who don't need to work to put a roof over their head. It's not as if you can work for someone else while you take your former employer to court, is it?

clam · 07/02/2015 13:13

A reciprocal arrangement doesn't have to be restricted to school hours, or even term times. A FT worker could offer childcare/babysitting at evenings or weekends, or maybe a bit of childcare during the holidays, if time has been taken off to cover one's own kids. Can be done in many cases, if the will is there.

Stealthpolarbear · 07/02/2015 13:19

" This going around in circles now. Who would you have a reciprocal arrangement with"
I don't know. But I'd argue it shouldn't be with school staff who are working , haven't been asked and haven't agreed.
Why are these workers expected to do it without agreement when you said yourself that working parents can't do it

Marynary · 07/02/2015 13:28

A reciprocal arrangement doesn't have to be restricted to school hours, or even term times. A FT worker could offer childcare/babysitting at evenings or weekends, or maybe a bit of childcare during the holidays, if time has been taken off to cover one's own kids. Can be done in many cases, if the will is there.*

Offer babysitting to who in return for looking after sick children? SAHP with pre school children to look after probably wouldn't agree to this in return for a bit of babysitting and I don't blame them. You say that it can be done in many cases but I very much doubt that you do know of any cases.

Marynary · 07/02/2015 13:31

Who would you have a reciprocal arrangement with
I don't know. But I'd argue it shouldn't be with school staff who are working , haven't been asked and haven't agreed.
Why are these workers expected to do it without agreement when you said yourself that working parents can't do it

The school have actually agreed to look after the children during the school day though.

clam · 07/02/2015 13:35

To educate them, mary, not to run a hospital ward. We are not equipped to do so, nor have we the time.

I repeat, your childcare/working arrangements are for you to sort out, not us. I don't care either who you would have a reciprocal arrangement with - it's not my concern. But I do not expect to have to nurse your sick child throughout the whole school day when I'm meant to be teaching 29 other children, just because you are hoping you can get away with not leaving work to fetch them. (and I'm using "you" in a general sense here).

Marynary · 07/02/2015 13:48

I repeat, your childcare/working arrangements are for you to sort out, not us. I don't care either who you would have a reciprocal arrangement with - it's not my concern. But I do not expect to have to nurse your sick child throughout the whole school day when I'm meant to be teaching 29 other children, just because you are hoping you can get away with not leaving work to fetch them. (and I'm using "you" in a general sense here).

It may not be your concern but you can't argue that it is always possible for parents to have a back up arrangement if you yourself can't work out how they could do this!

Marynary · 07/02/2015 13:59

clam my guess is that you would be a lot more sympathetic to working parents who are afraid of losing their job in these circumstances if you yourself had ever been in that situation. I remember when I was a child in the 1970s teachers at my school were far more understanding as they themselves also had no rights to leave work if their children were sick (my mother was a teacher and her head teacher made it very clear that family emergencies were not her problem).

Stealthpolarbear · 07/02/2015 14:02

t it's your problem not the schools
If my child is ill and can't go to the cm I don't call her and demand she find a solution! My child my responsibility

clam · 07/02/2015 14:04

Mary, did you miss that I am a teacher? How easy do you think it is for me to walk out of class when my child is ill? Or my husband (same boat).

"you can't argue that it is always possible for parents to have a back up arrangement if you yourself can't work out how they could do this!"

I think you'll find that I did offer a suggestion, which you didn't care for. Tough, but it was a possible solution for some, if not all.

And in answer to your earlier question, is a parent neglectful if they don't collect their sick child? In the circumstances of the OP, where those parents didn't collect until the normal end of the day and then deposited the child back in school the next day and effectively did a runner, then yes.

Tarrarra · 07/02/2015 14:05

Parents are responsible for making their own plans for childcare. School is for education not childcare, and it is not a hospital. I have had to leave work at the drop of a hat on many occasions because one of my children is poorly. DH and I take time off as holiday or unpaid leave, or make up the hours at home if possible. I chose to have children, it is my responsibility to look after them. I have a few friends and neighbours and between us we help each other out, but ultimately, when a child is really sick, they need a parent.

clam · 07/02/2015 14:06

And don't think schools don't judge! They do. Those parents' names will be on a "list" somewhere.

MrsSchadenfreude · 07/02/2015 14:19

I haven't read all of the thread. This happened to us once - DH was in Dubai for work, and I was working 1 1/2 hours away. School phoned at around 0940 to say that DD1 had been sick, and could I collect her? (She was fine that morning.) Yes, I said. I would come as soon as I could, but was in London, and it might take some time. Took tube to station, trains (which were infrequent anyway, as my destination was a small station) up shit creek due to signalling problems. Got on first train going to main station about 15 miles away, but got hoofed off before we left the station, as my season ticket wasn't valid for those trains. Didn't realise this, and train would have left before I managed to get a ticket. Waited half an hour, train going to where I wanted to go, hoorah, but was a stopping train that stopped everywhere en route, and sat at one station for 20 minutes, waiting for a "connecting train" that had been delayed. Having left work shortly before 10, I managed to get to the school around 2. Could not have got there sooner, and had just moved to the village, so didn't know anyone who could have picked up.

MrsSchadenfreude · 07/02/2015 14:23

Clam, you sound delightful. Hmm

All schools work on the premise that Mummy is at home, just waiting for something to do with her day that involves her child or the school. Hence 24 hours notice for school photos, special assemblies, sports day etc etc. Those of us who work can't simply dry our hands on our pinnies and rush down to the school in five minutes.

MrsSchadenfreude · 07/02/2015 14:25

And I wouldn't give a flying fairy fuck if school had me on a list as a "difficult parent."

clam · 07/02/2015 14:26

Not as delightful as those parents that dumped their ill child at school and ran off though, eh? Hmm

And don't forget that schools are themselves full of working parents.

Marynary · 07/02/2015 14:26

Mary, did you miss that I am a teacher? How easy do you think it is for me to walk out of class when my child is ill? Or my husband (same boat).

Err no.. I didn't miss that you are a teacher. That was my point. You are a teacher in 2015 who has employment rights and is therefore able to leave work if there is a family emergency. If you were a teacher in the 1970s you would not have had those employment rights and you probably would be more understanding of the fact that some people are afraid of losing their job if they leave to pick up sick children. My mother was never able to pick me up straight away and my school were always fine about it.

I think you'll find that I did offer a suggestion, which you didn't care for. Tough, but it was a possible solution for some, if not all.

I did find that you offered a suggestion but when I explained why it wasn't a possible solution your only argument was that it wasn't concern and you didn't really care. That doesn't prove your point that it is always possible to have a backup plan.

clam · 07/02/2015 14:27

It sounds as though you made every effort to get there, though. The parents in the OP don't appear to have done.

AKnickerfulOfMenace · 07/02/2015 14:35

If the parents in the OP got there at 2pm then they got there before normal pick up time.

AKnickerfulOfMenace · 07/02/2015 14:36

And again, there's minimal detail in the OP, which is fair enough. "I can't leave because I am working " might mean "I can't leave until cover arrives" or it might mean "I can't leave because I'm a shit who doesn't care"

PeruvianFoodLover · 07/02/2015 14:39

It sounds as though you made every effort to get there, though. The parents in the OP don't appear to have done.

The OP is written from the schools perspective. It is impossible to judge the effort, or otherwise, the parents put into attending.
The fact that they did have emergency contacts in place proves they were not totally feckless.

Let's not forget that there were other people who were aware of how ill the child was but refused to alleviate his suffering due to the risk of infection to their own DCs (who had, presumably, already been exposed?). The OP doesn't say the emergency contacts were unavailable, she said they refused. They refused in the knowledge that the parents were unavailable and thus leaving the problem for the school to deal with.

Stealthpolarbear · 07/02/2015 14:47

y employment rights come through employmentlaw and apply To all in Twenty fifteen

HelenaDove · 07/02/2015 14:48

"Would anyone leave Their 6yo home alone when they have no choice but to work?"

With single parents being put onto JSA when their youngest child turns five and in some cases forced into workfare i bet this is already happening.

With legal aid restricted (because yep you can really afford solicitors on minimum wage Hmm and the law being changed so that you have to be working somewhere for two years before you even get any rights (which are still very few) this is a problem that has been created by current and previous Governments.

Marynary · 07/02/2015 14:51

employment rights come through employmentlaw and apply To all in Twenty fifteen

They do not in effectively apply if you have worked for an employer for less than two years as you can't claim for unfair dismissal and can't even insist on a reason for dismissal.

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 07/02/2015 14:52

If you were a teacher in the 1970s you would not have had those employment rights and you probably would be more understanding of the fact that some people are afraid of losing their job if they leave to pick up sick children

Nobody here is currently employed in the 1970's so whatever people's types of employment there is no point comparing with situations from 4 decades ago.
I have been the parent fearful of losing employment due to a child being frequently ill and me taking time off to care for him until he was well again, even 15 years ago the was no such thing as dependants emergency leave (or I wasn't aware that it existed) but it didn't stop me from putting my child's health and comfort first and everything else second. It really is a question of priorities.

Swipe left for the next trending thread