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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invite asking for...

79 replies

sammysung · 05/02/2015 15:33

A donation to the B & G honeymoon fund!
Both B & G in their 50's, both second marriage.
Good idea or grabby??

OP posts:
momb · 05/02/2015 15:34

Bit of both.
people want to buy a gift. People often ask for guidance.
I'd wait until the guests actually ask but asking for honeymoon not necessarily bad. Don't specify amount.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/02/2015 15:35

You're going to give them a gift anyway?

So let's face it, they're not going to need a toaster at that age - so just bung em 50 quid and you're golden

OddBoots · 05/02/2015 15:36

It seems to be pretty normal these days, especially if they won't need stuff for the home as traditionally would be bought.

TidyDancer · 05/02/2015 15:38

It's grabby and tacky imo.

seastargirl · 05/02/2015 15:38

My mum got married recently, they put no gift request in the invite. I got calls/emails/ messages from the majority of firsts asking for gift ideas as no one knew what to get them, it drove me mad!

Far more sensible to give a suggestion, I'm sure they'd be pleased if you got a gift instead though

seastargirl · 05/02/2015 15:38

Guests not firsts Confused

Eastwickwitch · 05/02/2015 15:42

Depends how well off they are.

If they're comfortable then a donation to Charity (one that matters to them) would be more tasteful.

I they haven't had a holiday for years and have had to save for a wedding then I'd happily give cash towards a honeymoon.

YoniMitchell · 05/02/2015 15:42

What do you think Sammysung?

My view is if people want to give them a gift then a suggestion is helpful (and yy to the toaster point above!). If you weren't planning on giving them a gift then surely it's a moot point? Meh either way.

frankbough · 05/02/2015 15:44

Whatever the B&G is what the guests should do..

AnaisB · 05/02/2015 15:44

I had a similar experience to *seastar" - IMO not specifying can end up causing more stress for guests.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/02/2015 15:46

I really don't get all this angst and fury regarding weddings.

What are the couple supposed to do?

Guests want to buy gifts, presumably. Why on earth not just get what the bride and groom want??

ApocalypseThen · 05/02/2015 15:48

If they're comfortable then a donation to Charity (one that matters to them) would be more tasteful.

Of course it wouldn't. Many people object to being put under pressure to contribute to a charity not of their own choosing. Nothing tasteful about it.

arethereanyleftatall · 05/02/2015 15:49

Whoops. My response was written without reading the responses first. Given other threads here about weddings , I just assumed everyone would be up in arms.

DoJo · 05/02/2015 15:50

Good idea or grabby??

You decide!

Bowlersarm · 05/02/2015 15:51

Perfectly fine IMO

PurpleCrazyHorse · 05/02/2015 15:54

Tricky. I don't usually give cash gifts (either just cash or donations toward honeymoon). I kind of think that you should budget accordingly. However I do get that it must be tricky if you're already together and don't need the usual wedding gift list stuff. It sort of feels like you've already got the usual wedding gift list stuff, so we'll just ask for your money instead. I'm probably being really harsh because we had the towels and toaster Grin

I definitely won't fund scuba diving sessions on exotic honeymoons (bitter much)

MimiSunshine · 05/02/2015 15:54

Grabby.

But only if you believe people in their 50s or god forbid on 2nd marriages shouldn't be given gifts to celebrate.

Honestly i think it's fine. I suspect this is your wedding hence the limited unbiased info in the OP, therefore just put: If you would like to give a gift then a small contribution to our honeymoon would be lovely.

Bowlersarm · 05/02/2015 15:55

Haha arethereanyleft me too. I posted before reading replies too. It can't last though..... Grin

Lottapianos · 05/02/2015 15:55

I don't get the rage either. I wouldnt' dream of going to a wedding without a gift, but I'm a fussy bugger myself so wouldnt' want to risk giving something that the B&G might hate. A request for a voucher or money towards a honeymoon sounds great to me

Only1scoop · 05/02/2015 15:56

Find out where they plan to go and give them local currency as spending money.

MaidOfStars · 05/02/2015 16:14

I don't like giving cash as a gift because I feel like I've failed to be inspirational enough. But I like shopping, gift choosing, trying to find something unique, so I don't often have to resort to cash. If it's a couple I'd really struggle with because I don't know them that well, then I may be tempted to just chuck a few quid in an envelope.

So the general principle of giving cash gifts is, for me, boring and anti-climactic but acceptable.

Requesting a cash gift in an invitation - FUCK OFF.

Requesting I donate to a charity of your choosing - FUCK OFF.

BikeRunSki · 05/02/2015 16:17

Grabitastic

Charltonangel · 05/02/2015 16:19

I like choosing a personal and special present - it's part of the fun. I am good at it too or all my friends and family are very polite but I don't see why people get so het up about it. A lot of people do it nowadays.

ThursdayLast · 05/02/2015 16:20

Do you like them?
Are you happy for them?
Would you like to further their happiness?

If yes, stop writing snarky posts on MN.
If no, don't go to the wedding.

The end.

Original poster
sammysung · 05/02/2015 16:24

tidydancer I'm with you on this one.
I think it is incredibly grabby.
Yes I would take a gift and probably on this occasion would put money in a card.
However, I object to being asked for it.
Like sending a birthday invite requesting cash as a present. The B&G are very well off by the way. Wedding being held in a very grand hotel.

OP posts: