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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My 17 year old son just assaulted my 18 year old daughter

56 replies

Purplepilot · 05/02/2015 10:45

My daughter is in emergency after being punched in the face/head about 12 times by her brother. She blacked out for 10 seconds, she has lumps and swelling all over. Why do I feel bad for calling the police? I was even thinking oh this isnt bad enough to call the police! I know its not normal behaviour I just need confirmation that I have done the right thing. Just some background my son has mental health issues, I know its not an excuse, but does it help explain things? My husband passed away 5 years ago from cancer so its just my daughters 18 and 10, and sons 17 and 12. Thankyou for reading

OP posts:

Esmeismyhero · 05/02/2015 10:46

You were not wrong, I hope she gets well and your son gets the help he obviously needs.

for you and your family xx

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/02/2015 10:48

You've done the right thing. I hope your DD is not too badly hurt. This is not a spat between siblings but a serious assault and has to be dealt with as such. Is your son getting the help and support he needs for his MH issues? It may be that this attack will help get people to take his condition more seriously.

skylark2 · 05/02/2015 10:48

I imagine that both your adult daughter and the hospital will also call the police, so it's not going to make much difference whether you do too.

Hope she isn't badly hurt.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 05/02/2015 10:48

That's extremely serious. You did the right thing.
Hope you all get the help that you need

tenwrigglywigglycaterpillars · 05/02/2015 10:49

YANBU

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 05/02/2015 10:51

I'm so sorry, your poor daughter and poor you too- you must be feeling so torn

You have done the right thing calling the police, I'm sure your dd will appreciate you protecting her

Do they both live at home with you?

Thisishowyoudisappear · 05/02/2015 10:54

You have done the right thing.

Original poster

Purplepilot · 05/02/2015 10:59

Im in tears reading everyones lovely responses. They both live at home with me, but I am not going to be able to have my son home for now. He is getting help for his mental health issues, but he wont engage. It broke my heart to see him in handcuffs. I have always put him first because of his health and have excused alot of his behaviour. I feel like I am to blame as I have allowed it in a way. I know I now need to put my daughters safety first now. My MIL is at the police station with him and will be taking him home with her, so I know he is safe. He assaulted me for the first time two months ago, and I withdrew the avo, I think I have been in denial.

OP posts:

tiggytape · 05/02/2015 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foofooyeah · 05/02/2015 11:02

It is heartbreaking, but totally the right thing to do, You need to protect your daughter, and your son needs help too. No, you cannot have your son home at the moment.

I hope you all find a way through this.

OfaFrenchMind · 05/02/2015 11:03

You have done the right thing, calling the police.

But if he assaulted you 2 months ago, just beat up very badly your DD, how safe is your MIL?

tiggytape · 05/02/2015 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rebecca2014 · 05/02/2015 11:04

your poor daughter. I am sorry but I don't think you should ever allow him home, your dd needs to feel safe and he could attack you or his other siblings again. I hope he accepts the help now.

Altinkum · 05/02/2015 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MamaLazarou · 05/02/2015 11:07

So sorry to read this. How harrowing for you all. You did the right thing. You are not to blame for his MH issues.

Aherdofmims · 05/02/2015 11:10

I know you will feel terribly torn having to call the police on your son.

But he has assaulted your daughter and needs to know this is unacceptable and can't be glossed over. He has to take the consequences.

Further, if you didn't call the police your daughter will pick up the message that it is OK for people to assault her in domestic circumstances. It would send her the message that she is less important than your son.

You have done really well to call the police. I know it will feel awful but you've done the right thing.

Aherdofmims · 05/02/2015 11:11

PS so glad to read your MIL is there to help and take him home with her.

bloodygorgeous · 05/02/2015 11:12

Oh God you poor poor thing. And your poor daughter. Feel so bad for all of you. You did the right thing. Sending you strength and all best wishes

ImperialBlether · 05/02/2015 11:13

What kind of MH problems does he have? Is he having any treatment or been formally diagnosed?

BuzzardBird · 05/02/2015 11:13

Are his mental health issues aggravated with drug use do you think?

Preciousbane · 05/02/2015 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Purplepilot · 05/02/2015 11:19

Ofa, I understand what you are saying. He absolutely adores his grandma and I really dont think he will harm her. He just hates me for conceiving him. He blames me for everything, the asdault on my daughter happened because he was hitting me, and she came to protect me. She has always been very protective of me. When he was on me I was calling for her to help me, I regret that, I should have just taken it myself. I believe he has schitzophrenia, I have mentioned it to his psychiatrist but he didnt seem to think so. He had an appointment with him today, and came home and said he was laughing at him saying that I had rung earlier to say that he is selling his medication? He also thinks that I make him go to the Drs so I can take his meds for myself. Obviously not true. He doesnt sound well does he? I am just so use to it that it seems normal.

OP posts:

stormtreader · 05/02/2015 11:25

Its not ok or expected that you have to allow yourself to be assaulted in your own home. To be honest he sounds very dangerous to you at the moment, i wouldnt even consider allowing him back in the house until he is actually TAKING the drugs hes being prescribed and has his MH under control in some way. Your other children deserve better than to find that hes gone too far one day and seriously injured or even killed you :/

OfaFrenchMind · 05/02/2015 11:36

Purplepilot you sound like a very good person, and like most of the good people, you think first of the others. But this time, it is not such a good idea, because you cannot have your DD see you be assaulted in your house and take it, and because you need to take care of yourself first to be able to help him. Do not dismiss his attacks against you, do not devaluate yourself.

BreakingDad77 · 05/02/2015 11:37

What you did is fine - will the police contact the relevant psychiatric services as well or does purple need to do it?

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