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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that DP was overreacting?

121 replies

fadgecrackleandpop · 05/02/2015 09:37

Hi all I have been with DP for nearly 5 years now. We have a 14 month old DD together.

Yesterday morning he was looking through my old Facebook photos (we have no secrets, he doesn't have his own FB profile so he uses mine as well as my phone sometimes. We don't hide anything)

Anyway he must've clicked on my friends album from a night out 7 years ago with a group of new work colleagues. In this album are pictures of me and another man, nothing incriminating were just smiling together. Nothing ever happened with the man in question, I haven't seen or spoken to him for years and I understand that he's married now. Anyway DP saw these pictures and asked why I hadn't gotten rid of them, for a start id more or less forgotten about them and they weren't my pictures to delete.

He noticed that I still had the man in the pictures on FB as a friend and seems to think that I must "hold a torch for him" because of this.

He was going to send myself and DD to my mums last night because he was so pissed off with me. We haven't rowed in ages and this is quite uncharacteristic for him. We talked it through and have since made up but I'm still trying to establish what I've done that was so wrong. We weren't even together when the pictures were taken!! I feel like he's treated me like a cheap slapper who throws herself at men when she gets a drink down her

AIBU?

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 05/02/2015 11:48

If he had his way we'd be able to delete memories like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!

theendoftheendoftheend · 05/02/2015 11:48

I wouldn't get too carried away by posters responses on MN if I were you. This is your own family and situation, you know your partner much better then any of us. Yes he's over reacted on this occassion but that doesn't mean he's a typical abusive bastard. Talk to HIM.

PlantCurtain · 05/02/2015 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bubalou · 05/02/2015 11:59

I hope he's not but is it possible he may be cheating?

My ex partner did exactly the same thing. Normal, fine and non jealous relationship.

Out of the blue he accused me of cheating - I obviously hadn't.

3 weeks later I found out he had cheated on me a month earlier - with my friend.

Not saying it to be a cow, just telling you to be aware. Sudden jealousy or irrational accusations like this can sometimes turn out to be more then they seem. My best friend also had a very similar thing happen and the same result.

bubalou · 05/02/2015 11:59

Oh and I mirror what people say about yanbu and he's a twat.

HubertCumberdale · 05/02/2015 12:00

The implication that you should erase the life you had before him is odd.
I have photos of my ex and I on my facebook, in some we're kissing and such. My partner would never dream of asking me to delete them. That's my past and it makes me who I am.

What sort of man child is so insecure and controlling that he can't handle seeing a guy's hand on your bum? Bet he's just jealous because it's been a long time since anyone pinched his arse.

Adarajames · 05/02/2015 12:06

I'm with Morriszap

ImBatDog · 05/02/2015 12:12

my dh is a similar number of years older than me, and he was married before i met him. I have never once asked him to delete the pictures of him and his ex wife that other people have posted, why would i?

In your DH's eyes, i should feel humiliated by them. I dont, she was part of his life before me, that doesn't just stop because i'm now on the scene.

He's feeling humiliated by the fact you had a life before him, you didnt even go out with this guy. Honestly. Your DH is being an idiot and i would think long and hard about where you go from here!

bloodygorgeous · 05/02/2015 12:20

NaughtyDoggie · 05/02/2015 12:26

wow I can't believe the pathetic cheek of your dp - and to hear it from him too makes it worse. I'm raging on your behalf. He has absolutely no right what so ever to dictate what photos should or should not be on fb. Christ, who in their right mind would be angry about a photo from 7 years ago, where nothing much happens (another man has touched your arse, over your dress?! Quick call the police! ) when you weren't even together!
A couple of years ago I did a major de - tagging as I no longer wanted to have drunken photos on my fb (especially as I'm now friends with MIL) but I'd have to spend a bloody long time if I had to go around and ask the individual people to take them down!!
Reading shit like this just makes me what to kiss my husband and tell him how much I appreciate him not being an utter knob!

NorksAreMessy · 05/02/2015 12:33

Tyzer85 · 05/02/2015 12:35

OP's Parter is a twat, I'd never dream of demanding my missus removes photos etc.

whothehellknows · 05/02/2015 12:38

I can't imagine why he was even looking through your old photos. Even when I was married, it never would have occurred to me to look through my husband's old photos to check what he had been up to before we were together. The fact that he did it is creepy. The fact that he thought his friends would have any interest in your old arse photos is misguided. The fact that he wanted you to leave and go to your mums would actually make me inclined to go and not see him anymore.

SaucyMare · 05/02/2015 12:41

LTB

AgathaF · 05/02/2015 12:43

If she'd have gone I'd have been straight in my car to bring her back - wow, even more controlling! What if she didn't want to come back?

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 05/02/2015 12:43

This is all very weird. MrFadge I would think with everything going on in your life you wouldn't have time to stalk photos from 7 years ago, let alone colour match the fabric of a man's sleeve to compare it to a photo your wife wasn't even tagged in!

You want your wife to contact an old friend/colleague to get them to delete off Facebook some photos because you've taken offence to them? Seriously if I got a message like that I would be , and concerned my friend was in an abusive relationship.

I've never bothered trawling through my DH's photos from before we met. Generally don't know the people in them so they're just random photos, not much interest to me at all!

FryOneFatManic · 05/02/2015 13:04

blondiebonce · 05/02/2015 13:05

Bloke clearly doesn't understand Facebook. 80% of the time people post then complete forget about it. As in they have a life in the meantime. So instead of harping over the time a bloke with a noticeable looking shirt touched her bum, she was having your baby and supporting you. Poor woman had fun before you. You've either had a fecking boring life until she came along or it's double standards. If you're SSOOOO offended why don't you message the friend herself and demand she deletes it and see how well that goes for you.

If you need more excitement in your life, may I suggest you get your own mumsnet account. If we're a bit too harsh perhaps try Netmums. All the Hun-Ning and xxxxxx to soothe your ego.

EvilTendency1 · 05/02/2015 13:17

I think this is a wind up.

Who the hell posts on MN for their partner then to "explain themselves".

Tosh.

Original poster

fadgecrackleandpop · 05/02/2015 13:34

^^ most certainly not a wind up!! I showed him the thread, told him to read through it and reflect on the fact that what he did last night was not acceptable. I said that he could defend himself if he wanted to or just read it and take on. Oars the advice

OP posts:

gamerchick · 05/02/2015 13:43

Funnily enough I thought projecting and cheating.

He's fucked about (and no doubt will blame his stress) and now wants a reason to justify it.

Naughty.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 05/02/2015 13:45

So you've seen his thoughts on it written down OP, he said he still thinks it's disrespectful to him. Where are you going to go from here?

Fabulassie · 05/02/2015 13:55

OP, haven't you noticed that he went and posted under your account?!

Everything he has said and done in this situation has been utterly unreasonable. The photos are none of his business. Him threatening to throw you out of the house is unreasonable. His posts on here are unreasonable.

And, frankly, I think you need to change your passwords for Facebook and here.

WeldedParentMaterials · 05/02/2015 13:56

What the actual fuck

Original poster

fadgecrackleandpop · 05/02/2015 14:01

I genuinely don't believe that he has fucked about. He has no opportunity to! He hasn't been acting secretively and isn't posessive over his phone. And he doesn't have another phone that I don't know about. He isn't capable or careful enough to keep it a secret!

OP posts:

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