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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my friend to choose the same birthday as my DD

110 replies

handandshrimp · 05/02/2015 02:36

My friend's due date is about 2 weeks after my DD (who will be 2 next birthday)'s birthday. She will need a planned C Section for pre-existing issues (hers, not her baby's) and was talking to me about the dates she would like this to happen?
One of the dates she would like is the same date as my DD was born, and she is well aware that this is my DD's birthday. If her baby decided to arrive spontaneously on this date then fair enough, but to choose it consciously makes me feel weird.

I want my DD to be able to celebrate her birthday in her own right and not feel like she has to share her birthday with someone else, because my friend 'liked the numbers'. This friend has much involvement in our lives on a couple of levels and we have mutual friends who will be involved in both our children's lives. Both our children have been conceived using IVF and a donor (not the same one!) and have been a long time in the making, and my friend has drawn parallels between their 'special connection' already.
AIBU and pfb for feeling annoyed by this? DH thinks she is BU also. She could pick any date really, but wants this certain date (and possibly another that the numbers 'feel right').

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/02/2015 07:36

Why do you mention that the c-section is for her issues?

YABU. Presumably you weren't able to have your Dd on a date that hadn't already been taken? You don't get a monopoly on it.

Whippet81 · 05/02/2015 07:37

It might not be a problem at all - I had a c-section bed I got told the date mine would be - Imagine if they indulged everyone as to when they fancied it - it's usually 39 weeks exactly if they have space and if not you'll get bumped along a day?

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/02/2015 07:39

I I totally thought ywbu but I see now it isn't about the date per se but what your friend is saying.

I have a friend like this. She's really unleashed a new side of herself since I told her i was pregnant. I keep her at arms length because I find her creepy at the moment, quite frankly. I suggest you start doing the same with this friend, whether she does go ahead with the c section on your DD's birthday or not.

DamFineBeaver · 05/02/2015 07:40

If it's really because she likes the numbers, YABVVVU and absolutely ridiculous to expect her not to use the date (though obvs you're allowed to have a bitch about it & slip a little soap in her coffee).
If she's just trying to have matching kids, she is being a bunny-boiling weirdo and you should run for the hills.

lanbro · 05/02/2015 07:41

In our family my mum, her brother, her brother in law and great-nephew all share the same birthday, mum is not a twin! No one is the same age and it has never been an issue so YABU

RufusTheReindeer · 05/02/2015 07:42

hand

I know this is the other way around but I chose my dd's birthday based on the anniversary of my DH and my first kiss

I chose ds2 birthday because I didn't want him to share a birthday with a close relative

YANBU (not much you can do about it though and you will look a twat trying to get your friend to change)

londonrach · 05/02/2015 07:48

Yabu reasons mentioned previously. Just celebrate her dd when she comes.

Starlightbright1 · 05/02/2015 07:51

My birthday is the same day as my now EXFIL... I hated sharing my birthday with him..Which I hated..Had to visit someone I didn't like on my birthday..

The 2 children will have birthdays very close to each other regardless...and I am sure you friend is just musing about dates...I was induced at 39 weeks and given one of 2 days to go in.

Altinkum · 05/02/2015 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyintheRadiator · 05/02/2015 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdSheeran · 05/02/2015 08:00

I think this is one of those things that you're going to look back on and cringe! Grin

WD41 · 05/02/2015 08:01

Good grief. Yes, yabu.

xvxvxvxvxvxvxvxv · 05/02/2015 08:05

I'm sure she picked it for reasons nothing to do with you.

Sunnysideup5883 · 05/02/2015 08:05

Yabu

shoopshoopsong · 05/02/2015 08:06

surely it'll depend on when the hospital can schedule the CS?

PtolemysNeedle · 05/02/2015 08:07

YABVU

Original poster
handandshrimp · 05/02/2015 08:07

Thanks all for your input. I am aware I did react on a level that surprised me too but react I did, and yes I know I gave much more thinking to this than I perhaps should and there are much more important issues in life of course. I mentioned DH felt similarly and said exactly the things I was thinking before I had given voice to them. He also tells me that when this was mentioned in front of him and one of said mutual friends, said mutual friend exclaimed “isn’t that MiniHandandshrimps birthday” with surprise too.

To those who think I am BU and precious about DD ‘sharing a birthdate with other people’ I think you are completely missing the reason for my weirded-outness, I don’t care who DD or anyone else shares with, thats a complete non-issue, but thank you so much for pointing out the obvious!

Like I say, I have given this farrrr more thought than it warrants just to look at why I got that instant weird feeling about it, and have just completely hashed this out with DH since posting here. The barometer of reason that is Mumsnet has also spoken and I have read your replies and taken the constructivey-type stuff on board. I honestly don’t believe my friend picked this date because it is DD’s birthday at all but just didn’t see it as any clash; she just likes the way the numbers look together! I guess she will be writing out the birthdate enough times so she might as well enjoy the symmetry.
And that is where my additional thinking leads me to believe that birthdays and dates must hold slightly different levels of importance to different people. I remember when we were looking at dates around planning DC2 and working out potential EDD’s and (as I would most likely have elective CS this time) looking at the calender and saying ‘well it wouldn’t be the 15th because that is my nieces birthday’ but it would certainly be that week. To me I wouldn’t contemplate planning a birth on the birthday that someone in the family or close friends holds, it was automatically dismissed as a potential date. It is apparent that my friend, and indeed most of mumsnet, do not hold this same thinking. But I don’t think that makes me right, wrong or anything in between, just one of those values that I held that I didn’t realise til now.

To those that say this friend can’t be someone I actually like and won’t be around long: yes I do like her, she is actually a very lovely person, and the nature of our relationship is more complex than just friendship we’re not lovers but can’t really, for the sake of some kind of anonymity, describe how! Suffice to say that yes, we are likely to remain in each others lives for the foreseeable. I know that ultimately when her baby arrives we will celebrate it and love it and plant big sloppy kisses on it whatever bloody day it comes out on, because yes, the main thing is that she finally gets to take her baby home!!! and when birthdays roll round each year, we will figure it out and hopefully the two children will feel that special bond that will hopefully be there. Thats the important thing, right?

Consider myself got over

OP posts:
tobysmum77 · 05/02/2015 08:08

I had my second dd on a close friend's dd's birthday. But. was spontaneous so that was ok. Not sure what difference it makes Smile

Floggingmolly · 05/02/2015 08:08

It;s highly unlikely she'll be able to pick the date herself; especially if it's an NHS hospital. They'll fit her in when they can...

TheBuskersDog · 05/02/2015 08:12

Don't get the fuss about mutual friends and parties, your children will make their own friends at nursery/school and that's who they will want at their party, before that a small family get together is enough.

Original poster
handandshrimp · 05/02/2015 08:13

ah just seenthere was another page of replies, didn't show up before

Testing without going into detail, she has diagnosed medical reason for c section and was always going to deliver by this method if she got utd

Of course I am not going to try and get her to change her mind, if thats what she chooses, then so be it. I did initially think she was joking though!
She has private ob so I think she can pretty much choose her date from what she was saying. They don't let you go to 40 weeks with planned CS do they?

OP posts:
avocadotoast · 05/02/2015 08:13

You have to be joking. Of course YABU.

I share my birthday with loads of people and it's never done me any harm. Get a grip.

LIZS · 05/02/2015 08:16

Yabu millions share the same bday ! In the end it will be down to luck , availability and the urgency of a c-section or not . With a planned c-section it is usually scheduled before the due date but even then can be changed if there is an emergency which takes priority.

tobysmum77 · 05/02/2015 08:18

I thought they normally want you to go to 39 weeks though, planned cs at 38 seems very early to me.

SweetValentine · 05/02/2015 08:19

Given the choice of random dates i wouldnt pick a shared birthday. But i would pick a date that had a lovely symmetry and wouldn't care that it was your DDs birthday

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