I've had enough of her lies.

[JammyGem]

Sorry, going to be a long one.

DSis is constantly lying. If someone else in the family is getting a little bit of attention, she'll make something up so she gets some. She's my half sister (same dad) and I've always wondered why DM and DDad don't get on with her and ignore her when she has a crisis, but in the last year I've realised that they had enough of her bullshit and lies years ago, and now so have I.

She said she'd been raped by the guy she was having an affair with just after her husband found out and everyone in the family was supporting him, a week after our cousin was diagnosed with a serious mental health illness she claimed to have been diagnosed with PTSD, a few days after I graduated from my MA she claimed to have got a place on her own MA course despite not even having A levels... There are so many examples of when someone else is getting support and attention and she has to "up the ante" and announce something so all the attention is on her. And some of these things may well be true, but it's really the case of the boy who cried wolf and I just can't believe anything she says. I should say now that even the police called bullshit on the rape story, and threatened to charge her with wasting police time - this incident upset me the most as I was raped 5 years ago and had just at that time plucked up the courage to finally go to the police about it - to know that my sister lied about something that horrific and made it harder for me and other real victims to be believed made me more upset than I can ever say.

I've never called her out on any of this, always been sympathetic and gone along with it - even the rape thing, which I only found out she'd lied after her husband of all people let slip that they wanted to charge her with wasting their time.

But today takes the biscuit. Her mum has a terminal illness and has only months to live. I spoke to our dad earlier who asked if I'd heard from DSis. I said I had a few missed calls and was planning to ring her when I got off the phone with him. Apparently she rang him earlier today to say that she'd been to A&E and they'd done some tests and two hours later had got the results that it was cancer. He doesn't know any more because in his own words "I couldn't care enough to listen to her lies".

I have six missed calls. I've had enough. I realise I probably come across as very cold but I just can't deal with any more lies or attention seeking. AIBU to just ignore all calls and contact from now on? And AIBU to not believe her or should I get in contact just in case she's telling the truth this time and actually has cancer?

Wow. I'm fucked in the head, sick, disgusting, unjust and a lowlife who looks down on her apparently. I'm also mentally unstable - I was on antidepressants for a couple of years but have been off them for over a year now, unbeknown to her.

Her reaction had strengthened my resolve and made me realise just how messed up she is. It's still upsetting to hear what my sister thinks of me though, although I suppose it's the same situation for her.

At least you can draw a line under it all and not have to deal with all this crap forever, which was the alternative. I don't think I could manage a lifetime of biting my tongue and seeing the people a love lied to constantly.

That is what I thought would happen OP-its projection.
She can't cope with the shame of being confronted-so it's you that's the person with the problem.

I hope you can draw a line under it now, although I think she will try to involve other family members.
Internet diagnosis not a good thing but there is a likelihood that she has a personality disorder.

Has she got BPD OP? Everyone I've known like this has had it, and her reaction sounds like splitting too.

She called my dad and demanded that "you speak to your daughter". He understandably did not appreciate the tone (or the way she kicked off) so told her to piss off and put the phone down. He says he's sorry I'm having to deal with what she's saying but we've had a (bitter) laugh at some of the stuff she's coming out with, he reckons she's shown her true colours, and now he's washed his hands of her too. He's very wisely warned me though that I'll be the focus of a few lies now and to watch out for nasty stories about me. I'm so glad I have his support, I was worried he'd be annoyed with me for starting a load of trouble, but he's more furious with her.

It's alright though, I'll definitely get some peace and quiet - I'm dead to her apparently

Wow OP. That's horrible, but entirely expected to be honest. People like your sister will always, always respond to be ignored with a furious, spiteful attack, intended to provoke you into a response. And then in a little while they will claim to be so devastated (and, like my sister, will claim to have developed terrible stomach ulcers due to the stress and despair I was causing here), and will attempt to suck up and say how much they miss you. Then when that doesn't work they get abusive again, then suck up again, and so on and so forth. It the the most predictable pattern on earth. All of it is intended to get a response, to re-engage you in their bullshit once again. They will always turn any past weakness against you, like claiming you are mentally unstable because you took anti-depressants. A lot of it is projection, really. And a lot of it subconscious; she doesn't really understand how manipulative she is being, that behaviour is her version of normal. She thinks the world owes her something.

The most powerful thing you can do is ignore. Ignore, ignore, ignore. To be frank and some would say cruel, you can be pleased that ignoring her will be pissing her off more than anything. Take away the power she used to have over you. Stop thinking about her (easier said than done), just remover her calmly from your thoughts. Eventually you will stop being angry and just feel nothing much for her at all. You have to be bloody strong.

Cross-posted. Obviously what your sister said is horrible, not your dad, who sounds sensible and lovely!

Well done op. Just keep ignoring. She can't be wrong or admit the truth or her fantasy will crumble. Good on your dad. Maybe if everyone calls her on.her crap she will start to listen. I doubt it but you can hope.

Have you heard anything more from her?

Sorry, I posted whilst on page 3 of the thread!

What's weird for me is I see her reaction to your message and it just sounds oh so familiar to me. Stay strong, I'm really rooting for you!

I'm starting to feel guilty now. I'm in a bit of a daze after seeing all the things she thinks about me. She started calling me a little girl and saying that when I grow up I'll realise that you have to back up every accusation you make.

I know I have my family on my side but I'm feeling a bit shocked by it all now.

This is exactly how she wants you to feel.

You feel guilty because you are normal and it feels horrible to do what you've had to do. But it really is necessary for your own equilibrium.

The fact that she's come out with all this hostile bullshit does actually show that you were spot on with your decision to go NC with her.

If you don't give in to the guilt and the doubt and the pity which will inevitably assail you as she continues her manipulation, in a few months, you will look back and wonder how you put up with her for so long.

Stick with it, to be released from your feeling of obligation your sister will be wonderfully freeing.

Good night.

OP - you did completely the right thing by going no contact. You know she doesn't like being called on her lies and realised that the crying thing she does with your DDad wouldn't work and instead went for attack.

What did she think saying those things would do? Help the situation? You could always reply with "well obviously you've got some negative feelings about me too so I'm sure you understand why cutting contact is for the best." and letting it go.

She WANTS you to apologise and try and explain yourself. She wants you to feel bad because you're not giving her attention so "you're a horrible person".

All these things she's saying would only work if you feel like they're true. I don't know a single person who would hear something negative and not, at least for a second, ask themselves if that's really how they are. You know that all the negative stuff she's saying about you isn't true. Her opinion is hardly a good example

p.s. You're not in a daze now, I think you're coming OUT of the daze. You've been ignoring her lies by thinking that deep down she's a good person, or to quote you "She's a lovely person, so generous and kind" she's had you fooled for years and the blinders are finally coming off.

Block her again, or filter her messages to spam but KEEP them. You want evidence down the line.

BigCatFace, I've got BPD traits, I don't do mad stuff like this.
Well done, OP. I think you have to do this for your own sanity.

Well done, stay strong as she escalates her crap to try to provoke a reaction. If you have to reply or are confronted and don't want to make a scene, just put/say something like "you are entitled to your opinion" and refuse to rise to the bait.

OP I'm sorry, it's awful you have had to go through this.

Your sister is clearly trying to provoke a reaction from you so you grovel to her and then she can start her lies again.

You are defo better off NC

You did the right thing OP. Don't feel guilty now.

She is a piece of work that will pipe down once she loses her audience, as she is starting to already.

I spoke to DMum who was worried about me - I still feel a bit shaken up by the whole thing tbh. But she made a good point that it's her problem, not mine.

Also had a bit of a rant at my colleague/friend today who tells me she would've done the same, so I feel better after that.

Good job OP, stick to your guns!

Op, your DM is absolutely correct. It is your sister's problem.

Don't worry about any future lies about you, I'm sure most people that know her will already know about her lying issue and dismiss most of what she says anyway, especially anything with high drama content...

Meanwhile, be nice to yourself.

Thanks so much again to all of you. The abusive messages seem to have stopped for a bit, I'm hoping it's a permanent change.

When she has been called up on things or upset before she has threatened suicide, or has gone quiet for a few weeks and then later told me she was in hospital after an attempt -like the rest of what she says, I don't know how true this is. This was my main worry, but she hasn't said anything about it so I'm hoping this won't have that effect on her. I'm not sure I could cope being the trigger for that.

Really starting to beat myself up now though. I'm spending the evening with a friend tonight so I'm hoping that takes my mind off of it all.

It's all bullshit OP - even the threatened suicide and the "in hospital after an attempt" - she courts attention and if she offs herself she won't be able to get any more attention!

You will not be a trigger for anything! She is the making of her own downfall. Seriously, if ANYTHING she was saying is true, do you think she would have reacted so viciously? No! If she wasn't an attention seeking toad, she probably would have thought "oh my god, people think I'm attention seeking. That's dreadful, I should probably explain my "cancer" or the "rape attempt" - a liar knows they've been caught out and she knows it so is instead jumping on the offence.

She's throwing her toys out of the pram like a petulant child because there's nobody to pay her any attention. Would you give a tantrumming child attention? No, you ignore the behaviour. Much like the tantrumming child (I'm looking at you DS1) who tells you that you're so mean they're going to leave and storms out the front door and sits on the step. She's waiting for a reaction. Don't give it to her.

Stay strong OP - if you need to harden your resolve, call your dad and talk to him. He seems to have his head screwed on where is daughter is concerned and will no doubt keep you level headed about it instead of clouded in guilt (which is a totally normal emotion!)

OP she's trying desperately to pull out all the stops and manipulate you. Just keep blocking and ignoring.

She is the trigger for your own stress and angst and you are far more important to yourself then playing to her tune is.

I would suggest counselling OP, to try and hold your resolve. You are strong, she is weak which is why she relies on her lies. She's now panicking that they are crumbling around her, especially with your dad and others taking a stand. If she lures you back in, she can get them all. Stay strong for yourself and everyone else her lies affect and hurt.

Oh yeah, the suicide attempt. Abusive attention seekers do this a lot, but they rarely - pretty much never - put themselves in actual danger. They'll send a message saying they've gone to drown themselves or cut their wrists, and will actually be hiding in a bush somewhere to watch other people run around crying. They'll take an 'overdose' of two and a half Lemsips.

Sorry you're having to deal with it, OP, it's miserable for you but none of it is your fault. Your sister is both a fuckup and unpleasant - some people with MH issues would be lovely if not unwell, some people with MH issues were/are horrible with or without the illness.