Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Those of you with stressful jobs or whose DH/DP works in a stressful job

119 replies

CatieBlanket · 03/02/2015 12:48

What do you do? What actually makes your job (or DH's job) stressful.

MNetters are always bleating on about this. They're either Superwoman because the work in a stressful job then look after kids and do housework. Or their husband can't possibly do any housework, childcare because he is Mr Important with a Stressful Job.

OP posts:
cailindana · 03/02/2015 12:51

I used to be a teacher. That was stressful, so much that I had a breakdown. Both DH and I now have relatively low-stress jobs.

VictorineMeurent · 03/02/2015 12:56

I manage a care service, 30 odd staff and 100 older people to keep happy, plus any number of involved relations. My mantra just has to be that I can't please all of the people all of the time, but it is stressful and dispiriting most of the time.

HubertCumberdale · 03/02/2015 12:58

I produce live events, including a festival. That's stressful for all of the reasons you can imagine, plus a few more. Love it though.

TheOldestCat · 03/02/2015 13:00

DH has a stressful job as a journalist. He's not a heart surgeon but he does have to get it right while writing and to deadlines. He works for a (inter)national title so there's a lot of pressure and plenty of folk who would step into his job.

He does (some) housework and childcare though despite Being Mr Important. Grin

I'm only PT and the stresses for me are more to do with the pressure of time (am an in-house editorial type with some line management responsibility) rather than what I do being v important. Although the organisation I work for is pretty important in he scheme of things.

I take my hat off to medical professionals, carers, teachers etc.

solitarywalker · 03/02/2015 13:00

I don't think a stressful job necessarily means you are a leader or highly paid, OP.

Some of the most stressful jobs of all are actually done by people on minimum wage, and the stress comes from horrible working conditions, horrible management and the fact that they have no control over things in their life.

Other jobs, like teaching, can be stressful in ways that make high-faluting business jobs seem a walk in the park by comparison.

I think there is an issue with childcare/household with any job that comes with long hours. I worry that working conditions and terms for most people, not just high fliers, are getting worse and this is putting families under stress.

motherinferior · 03/02/2015 13:01

I believe Mr Inferior's job is stressful from time to time (complex stuff to do with charity funding) but that doesn't stop him doing housework.

TheOldestCat · 03/02/2015 13:03

Quite right, solitarywalker, on minimum wage jobs etc.

And agree a lot of the stress comes from the juggling aspect, no matter what your job is. We've both got long commutes and no local family back-up. It's stressful when a child is ill or you've forgotten to get a costume for World Doughnut Day or whatever. These are first-world worries, I know, but they can stress you out when you are trying to do OK at everything.

Hoppinggreen · 03/02/2015 13:06

My DH has his own company, its stressful because everything is ultimately HIS responsibility and that includes his staff. If the company fails then not only could we lose our home so could lots of other people.

DeanKoontz · 03/02/2015 13:10

Dh had a stressful job for years in that he had a long commute and his work was time-sensitive so overtime was expected until the work was finished. He left the house at 6.30am and got home at somewhere between 7 and 11pm. When he was home, late evenings and weekends, he was also constantly working (remotely via laptop and phone). He was a contractor so felt pressured in that his contract could potentially be terminated at any time. He is also a perfectionist, so felt pressure from himself to complete his work to an extremely high standard.

He now does the same work for a different company, but as an employee. His commute is the same, but overtime is not expected and the company have a much more caring attitude towards employees. He has holiday entitlement, sick pay and other benefits. The work is technically harder, and still stressful, but as he is home at about 6 most nights and rarely has to work weekends, he has down time to compensate and reduce the stress.

My work is only stressful in that I have taken something of a dead-end job that allows me to do be on hand for the children and pick up the slack at home. It's a job that I have taken for convenience more than anything else. It is boring and the organization is badly run. I would like a more challenging role, but I have never had dh's earning power and I love spending time with my kids and opt to use childcare as little as possible.

I realize that we're lucky in that we have been able to strike something of a balance and that we have been able to stay in employment.

I never bleated about it on MN or anywhere else, including RL. It is what it is.

PollyIndia · 03/02/2015 13:15

Mine is a bit stressful as am a single parent with no support from DS's dad, work 3.5 days a week for a company who think I work for them 6 days a week and every evening and am trying to start my own business so I don't have to do my other job anymore from next year.
It is just a lot on my plate with nobody to support me or pick up the slack if I happened to lose my job that pays the mortgage. My boss is a bit of a bastard. However, if I work very hard this year, hopefully I'll be in a much better position next year and in 3 years when DS starts school, might be able to drop him off and pick him up and still pay my mortgage. That is the dream.
But like DeanKoontz, I don't bleat about it anywhere. I was particularly stressed pre xmas though - permanent knot of anxiety in my stomach. But yoga, less booze and sugar and lots of sleep has helped!!

PollyIndia · 03/02/2015 13:16

It is a personal thing, stress. I know how lucky I am compared to many many other people. Just wanted to point that out!

darkness · 03/02/2015 13:18

I think the stress element of jobs comes from having tasks to do which are never possible to complete - so teaching for instance - is never "done" there is no finish line, and the quality can always be higher - so even the best teacher is not the best possible all the time for every student.
just like parenting!
Other stresses are being able to see better ways to do things and not having either the money or the time, for instance there’s a lot of top down interference in many jobs where people are not allowed to get on with jobs in the time they have for having to stop and explain what, how and to what quality level they are doing their work to those higher up the management chain.
Huge , huge amounts of self justification going on in all sorts of roles creates a lot of this- very little trust and delegation occurring - such as is created when companies get big enough to loose touch with their peripheries.

SweetsForMySweet · 03/02/2015 13:19

My dh has a stressful job and a long commute but when he is home, he does his share of family stuff (grocery shopping/housework/parenting). We're try to do what we can to make each other's life a little easier. It works for us. We were both honest with each other about our expectations before we moved in together and got married. If something annoys us, we discuss it rather than letting it eat us up inside.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 03/02/2015 13:21

It is a personal thing, stress.

Excellent, insightful comment.

I run a school. The main thing that stresses me out these days is just the sheer volume of the workload and especially keeping on top of all the regulations and procedures surrounding safeguarding.

Original poster
CatieBlanket · 03/02/2015 13:25

I don't think a stressful job necessarily means you are a leader or highly paid

Agree with you there, solitary. It's a lack of money and options that I imagine would be stressful.

OP posts:
TedAndLola · 03/02/2015 13:36

I write and submit bids for a professional firm. They can be up to 400 pages long and have immovable deadlines. The deadlines are where the stress comes in, especially when I have a large number of bids due around the same time... I have submitted three this week and have another three to go before the weekend.

If I mess up, it can cost us millions of pounds.

Disclaimer - am on my lunch break!

Original poster
CatieBlanket · 03/02/2015 13:40

TedandLola - surely you're employer knows this and ensures you have sufficient time during your contractual working hours to write your bids?

OP posts:
RufusTheReindeer · 03/02/2015 13:41

MY DH has a stressful job (at times)

Has not stopped him doing housework and childcare

I have also managed to convince him that being a SAHM is stressful (I make sure the children play up as soon as he gets in)

Unfortunately he is beginning to click on to the fact that as they are now all at senior school my job is now very, very easy Hmm dammit!!

lunar1 · 03/02/2015 13:49

Dh is a doctor. He works 8-6 normally, should be 9-5. Plus his oncall. He gets home at 6.30 ish normally. We try to eat together, he helps me get them ready for bed. Once they are in bed he starts working again. Publications, presentations, teaching, references, 360 degree forms. Then there's all the random 3am calls, "I know you're not on call but..."

He also has to do weekends in a regular basis. He would do anything I asked at home if me or one of the boys was ill but I'd rather do the housework myself and actually spend some time as a family when he is home.

LaurieFairyCake · 03/02/2015 13:54

DH is a teacher, his job is only stressful in the amount of time he has to give over to it - the actual tasks are easy enough for him and he's really good at it, though he has to be awake and creative to do lesson plans - he runs out of energy a lot.

My job (counsellor to children and adults who've suffered abuse) is not at all stressful or difficult. I find 'running a house' much more stressful as I hate tidying, cleaning, domestic cooking and household admin.

MariosYoshi · 03/02/2015 13:55

Dp is a hotel manager, works minimum 12 hour days at minute plus 1.5 hour travel either side, although he does stay over regular to save the travel-but then he gets called through the night if there is a problem they can't solve. Stressful at minute as they are rebranding and relaunching. He still does housework on a weekend though (and pots if he has eaten at home during week) but I try and do most things so he doesn't have too.

I'm a sahm so not work as such but that's stressful as eldest has ASD so I deal with the meltdowns, stress, anxiety and lack of sleep with her plus I'm part way through my first year of a degree. Swings and roundabouts though we support each other as and when we need to :)

catg83 · 03/02/2015 14:49

I worked in retail, shopfloor staff, for 10 years. Most stressful thing I have ever done. The pressure to make certain targets, provide levels of service all while having staffing cuts left and right. And while dealing with demanding customers. x

theaveragebear1983 · 03/02/2015 14:55

I teach GCSE English in a prison. pretty stressful, but the teaching isn't the hard part of my job; the difficult but is targets, ofsted, managers who can't manage, and the 'business' of further education which is completely blown out of the water when our 'customers' have no say about what they do or where they end up. if I could just teach in the classroom and never speak to anyone else, my job would be a breeze!

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/02/2015 14:57

I worked weekend nights at a poorly run, badly secured homeless shelter. With unsupportive, misogynist management. That was stressful.

areyoutheregoditsmemargaret · 03/02/2015 15:02

Very snide OP, and follow-ups. Why, do you suspect people of inventing "stress"? What do you consider stressful?

Swipe left for the next trending thread