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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Those of you with stressful jobs or whose DH/DP works in a stressful job

119 replies

CatieBlanket · 03/02/2015 12:48

What do you do? What actually makes your job (or DH's job) stressful.

MNetters are always bleating on about this. They're either Superwoman because the work in a stressful job then look after kids and do housework. Or their husband can't possibly do any housework, childcare because he is Mr Important with a Stressful Job.

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2013 · 03/02/2015 15:05

I am a teacher as is my DH . Both full time and both have exam classes so there is a lot of pressure for results.

The marking /planning /report writing / dealing with student issues take up a huge amount of time and the job is never 'done' which makes it stressful.

We both do an equal share of house work etc or it would never get done!

It's hard at times but we seem to do ok Smile

chipshop · 03/02/2015 15:10

DP and I are both journalists and his job in particular is pretty stressful. He's much better paid than me but he gets hassled on every day off and was away working for six months last year. At one event he covered for six weeks last summer, he had a flight every two days.

He starts work at 7am for the website and will get home at midnight tonight, after working for the paper. He then comes to bed and lies there thinking about ideas. He does TV and radio stuff on his "days off" and when we were on holiday last week he did quite a bit of work.

It sounds ridiculous as he's not saving lives, but it is a pressured job and he's never really off duty.

weeblueberry · 03/02/2015 15:12

I'm in sales and do find it pretty stressful. But about 40% of my stress is of my own creation and has to do with never feeling like I'm good enough at my job. Sad, but just a fact. I suspect I'd be like that in any job...

makesomenoise · 03/02/2015 15:12

Child protection social worker. Pretty stressful. I've seen some truly appalling sights and been in some very difficult situations. Stress caused by a number of things, including the near impossibility of 'switching off' when you get home.

museumum · 03/02/2015 15:16

I'm a self-employed project manager in the arts sector. It is like herding bloody cats!
Very hard to manage my time when it all depends on other people, and very hard to keep a relatively sane amount of work coming in and going out.
Self-employed sole trader means its all me and i have no colleagues (only clients).

Thankfully I don't mind the stress 90% of the time but just sometimes I get pushed over the edge by a re-schedule or clash of deadlines.

backwardpossom · 03/02/2015 15:25

I'm finding this thread really interesting. Thanks for posting, OP.

FWIW I'm a teacher, I do 4 days a week in a secondary school. It's stressful in as much as I have a huge workload but not enough time to do it. I'm never finished. The tasks themselves aren't difficult, though.

fluffygreentail · 03/02/2015 15:31

DH is a head of a business function (eg HR or IT or Finance) for a large national company. Manages 30 people in the Head Office and reports to Executive board. Its so 24/7. He hates his job every single day!

He is amazingly helpful with playing with the DCs for an hour and a half or so from 6.45 onwards when he comes home and putting the DCs to bed. Its a really great help.

However, its me stuck with domestic drudge: cooking, supermarket shopping, wiping floor/ table and baby's highchair after every kids meals, washing clothes, cleaning, ferrying around, sterilising bottles, emptying bins daily, filling and emptying dishwasher, washing some hand wash bowls etc, cleaning, sorting laundry.... Feels like he gets the fun bits.

letsplayscrabble · 03/02/2015 15:34

NHS GP. Supply and demand don't match up and never will do. Deprived area, lots of non-English speaking patients, constant threat of being sued, some patients lovely some abusive (verbally and physically). Very stressful but rewarding.

Ladyflip · 03/02/2015 15:35

I'm a partner working part time in a very small firm of solicitors. My job gets stressful when I don't have enough work as I know I need to bill enough to keep 13 people in a job. It is also stressful dealing with other people's cock ups. I find the job can be very mentally taxing. However, I don't work long hours.

DH works exceedingly long hours (average 80 to 90 per week including all weekends and very few days off I.e. 10 days last year when he didn't go to work and work these hours.) Whilst it is physically tiring, it is not stressful in that he isn't trying to deal with unreasonable members of the public and only has one member of staff. He is a dairy farmer, so is outside a lot which is great in May and a but crap today. I don't think it is stressful in the way that my day is stressful, but it is physically tiring and his absence from the house means that I have to do most of the housework/childcare.

I often think at the end of the day that I don't want to speak to another person and just want to go for a run. He wants to sit down and chat because he hasn't spoken to many people, and then falls asleep in the chair.

youwouldthink · 03/02/2015 15:35

DP is a firefighter and handles it very well.

I own a business which is very busy and at times stressful but all in a days work for me. In fact I think I work better under a bit of stress.

What I have to work on is the stress I feel when DP is out on a call..It's his passion to do what he does and I adore him for that but the stress I find hard to deal with at times

MaebyF · 03/02/2015 15:42

DP is a response police officer in a pretty rough London borough. He handles it pretty well, bar the odd day when something really grim happens. Like a PP, it's stressful for me because it's the sort of job where things can go very wrong and that screws up our childcare. Or I'm just worried about what he's doing. It's just charming when he comes home bloody and bruised...

I changed jobs a year ago to one that is much less stressful. But that in itself is a little stressful, because it's not doing my career much good.

But nothing compared to what people with frontline jobs have to cope with.

Lottapianos · 03/02/2015 15:43

Very true that stress is a personal thing, and that a high level of stress doesn't necessarily mean that you're compensated well in terms of status or money

I find my job stressful. I'm an NHS clinician and I work with young children and their parents, also their schools and nurseries. Its very tough working with parents who don't have the skills or motivation to support their children in even the most basic ways. Nurseries and schools are stretched to breaking point trying to support children with a huge range of needs. Our waiting lists are very long. Its a struggle to get parents to even attend appointments sometimes. What I can do to make a difference to these children feels so very limited. We are horrendously under staffed and don't have a high enough profile. And the need for our service is ever increasing.

There are good things about the job (pay is decent, hours are fixed, no over time, get to work indoors, no uniform, nice colleagues) but its also depressing and demoralising.

Yesitismeagain · 03/02/2015 15:49

My dh has a 'stressful' job in 2 ways - he has an hour and 20 mins commute each way to work, which means getting up very early and home late as well as relying on public transport.

Also he is a salesman with targets. There is always pressure to hit targets each year. He is only ever as good as his last year.

I don't associate stress with money. There are a lot of very stressful jobs that aren't paid all that well - teachers, nurses etc.

He believes that as I am not in such a stressful job (I work 2 part time jobs) that I do more of the housework and childcare. This I kind of agree with. However, he expects me to do 95% where as I think I should be doing about 75%. It is that 20% that we argue over. We are both resentful of it.

whothehellknows · 03/02/2015 15:54

I have more than one job, which can be stressful when I need to juggle work or work unsociable hours and find childcare. Some of the people I work with have various disabilities and "behaviours of concern" from which they could die or I could be seriously injured. I almost lost a client at this time last year, which was a very stressful time. And my pay is ok, but I'm certainly not affluent.

LetticeKnollys · 03/02/2015 16:14

My DP has a stressful job, he is a university lecturer but keeps being bounced between one year contracts so is constantly under pressure to get things published, apply for jobs, go to conferences on top of his full time lectureship which he has a huge commute for, he works almost every waking hour every day of the week. It's not great for our relationship to be honest but hopefully things will be better soon.

I do 100% of the housework and childcare but I still get much more time relaxing than he does so I don't resent it at all. I often wish he was able to come to more things like DS's weekend Water Babies classes though for sentimental reasons really. I am still on mat leave at the moment but I'm planning on going into childminding afterwards, not sure how stressful I'll find that.

backdoorkey · 03/02/2015 16:19

Some of the most stressful jobs of all are actually done by people on minimum wage, and the stress comes from horrible working conditions, horrible management and the fact that they have no control over things in their life

God, absolutely and utterly agree with this.

My friend's DH has a very stressful job, incredibly high demand, however, in return, he earns £140k+ per year. Not saying it rights the wrong as such, but it must soften the blow.

DH works a very stressful, exhausting, 13 hour a day job. He's on just a bit more than minimum wage.

jcscot · 03/02/2015 17:18

My husband is a senior Army officer and some jobs are more stressful than others. His current year-long posting is stressful because promotion to Brigadier or above depends on how well he does (it's an MA/MSc equivalent course). We haven't lived together for six years (operational tours - 6 months of unbelievable stress per tour - account for eighteen months of that time) but he comes home for the weekend every two to three weeks. His next job is widely regarded as very stressful - he'll be in charge of 400+ personnel and all aspects of their work/welfare etc.

He has no problem helping with housework when he's home.

Toomanyexams · 03/02/2015 17:21

Stress is a function of having responsibility without control.

High earns tend not to be as stressed as they think they are. Lower level managers, teachers, nurses; they have a lot of stress.

MaelstromOfLunacy · 03/02/2015 17:22

I run my own company, in a field I care very much about. I also have anxiety issues. The fact that everything is down to me means that I find it very stressful, despite it but being a huge business or very lucrative! Every little issue or problem affects me, because I want to do a good job so much. I'm trying to care less, for the sake of my sanity!Smile

bananapuddles · 03/02/2015 17:29

We are both teachers, both in tears several times a aeek

jcscot · 03/02/2015 17:29

"Stress is a function of having responsibility without control."

I agree but responsibility and control can be equally stressful - my husband talks about the stress involved in knowing that decisions he makes or orders he gives can have a serious impact on the lives of those under his command and that if something goes wrong, his decisions will be scrutinised and picked over.

I think that most jobs bring some level of stress no matter what the pay scale or the level/type of job, especially when combined with an individual's home and family situation.

bananapuddles · 03/02/2015 17:30

Posted too soon! It's difficult to sleep at night, or get any time together. I feel like it could be better if it were just one of us at school - by Friday the house is not in a good state and neither are we.

goodasitgets · 03/02/2015 17:32

I answer emergency calls. I hear babies born, people die, and relatives begging for their loved ones to survive. I talk to people that are suicidal, relatives that are hysterical, or angry or just heart broken
I take maybe 80 calls a day. And I rarely find out what's happened after the call

GraysAnalogy · 03/02/2015 17:33

My most stressful job isn't the one I have now, which is the highest paid, longest hours and most responsibility, it was an admin job I had years ago (I've been through so many jobs it's unreal)

I used to cry on the way to work because of it. Was horrible.

agoodbook · 03/02/2015 17:35

My DH was a sales manager ( in wholesale) before he retired . Bad management, and a total lack of care or understanding from the boss was the stressful thing - what is laughingly called - On Target Earnings - well paid if you hit the targets, not if you didn't , and each year if you did well, targets went up - so you sold more, but earned the same. or less ,without any real care that targets could be achieved... so constantly travelling, having to stay away, worrying , working. He couldn't help during the week, as he wasn't there, but always helped at the weekend when he was. Glad he retired- i have my DH back !