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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Those of you with stressful jobs or whose DH/DP works in a stressful job

119 replies

CatieBlanket · 03/02/2015 12:48

What do you do? What actually makes your job (or DH's job) stressful.

MNetters are always bleating on about this. They're either Superwoman because the work in a stressful job then look after kids and do housework. Or their husband can't possibly do any housework, childcare because he is Mr Important with a Stressful Job.

OP posts:
insancerre · 03/02/2015 17:39

My job is stressful
I manage a nursery
I have full legal responsibility for all the children even when um not there
I am accountable to the children, the parents, my staff, my line manager , the directors and Ofsted
It is pretty stressful knowing that Ofsted could turn up any day with no notice and do an inspection. It is also stressful knowing that inspection outcomes rests on the quality of my staff on that day.

sparkysparkysparky · 03/02/2015 17:52

DH has stressful job managing large number of people trying to be lightening rod for their stress. And he does all cooking and fair share of housework because of my poor health. And does equal share of looking after Dc. And doesn't moan about it. I now have less stressful job because stress ain't good for MS.

Toomanyexams · 03/02/2015 18:02

Here is a link to a good article from the Washington Posts online magazine. (The Washington Post is a well respected national broadsheet newspaper in the USA.)

www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/chatterbox/2008/09/stress_and_class.html

Discussing stress and class and debunking the idea that people in "big jobs" have the most stress.

bloodygorgeous · 03/02/2015 18:06

I have a stressful job - CEO of creative agency with clients and deadlines.

But I don't 'bleat on', nor do I do all the housework, nor does my dh refuse to help out at home. It all works rather well despite us being tearingly busy - that's just life for a lot of people.

Not sure why you're asking or why you sound so bolshy?

mrspepperpotty · 03/02/2015 18:11

DH is a finance director for a large UK company. It's very stressful at the moment as he has to make lots of people redundant Sad. He finds this really stressful and depressing.

My job (university lecturer) can be stressful at times, but nothing in comparison.

hettie · 03/02/2015 18:22

I work in mental health, I hear awful awful things everyday and am (partly responsible) for peoples wellbeing. This includes assessing risk, managing suicidality etc... I occasionally find it stressful, but only when management issues arise (lack of support, punitive policies). I used to work in the media.... now that was stressful

BoozeyTuesday · 03/02/2015 18:32

Middle manager in a prison. Most jobs in prisons are stressfu, whatever level you work at. I do it for the money (not that we get paid loads), pension etc. I also have a long commute and am a single parent. I manage because I have to and my salary gives ds a decent standard of living, although I don't see much of him during the week.

gonerogue · 03/02/2015 18:40

My job is extremely stressful - I work as a consultant for FMCG clients looking at big data and how we can use it to market effectively.

I get to go out to clients, analyse shopper behaviour and do interesting projects.

The stress comes from the fact that I have 16 clients and no fall back/support to help me do my job better. As a PP said - lots of responsibility without control. and the worst thing is they keep adding clients to my roster

probably the reason I am planning on leaving. Not worth the stress, 3 hour round commute and lack of time with my kids.

GertrudeBell · 03/02/2015 18:41

What do you do OP?

I am a lawyer. My clients pay my firm a lot of money to ensure that I give them masses of attention whenever they need it. They can be extremely demanding and unreasonable and I have to juggle many of them and their competing demands at the same time. The work is difficult and there's never enough time to do it, but I could be on the receiving end of a multimillion pound negligence claim if I get it wrong. There isn't allowance for human error; we are expected to be perfect in imperfect conditions.

Pretty stressful at times.

CatieBlanket · 03/02/2015 18:42

Very snide OP, and follow-ups

Not snide at all so don't start stirring it. Am finding replies interesting.

OP posts:
TedAndLola · 03/02/2015 18:43

TedandLola - surely you're employer knows this and ensures you have sufficient time during your contractual working hours to write your bids?

My employer doesn't set the deadlines, how can they create time? Confused

If I ask for help I'll be given it, but if I have six bids due in a week there is going to be some stress.

Mostlyjustaluker · 03/02/2015 18:45

I am teacher. Stressed to the point I am medicated and Gp thinks that although I am doing a good job I should be in the sick.

For me it is never being able to do a good enough job because of the volume of work load. The head ofsted suggests teachers need to work a 70 hour week to do well. There is no way I can perform ay my best after working that length of time.

dancingwitch · 03/02/2015 18:51

I am interested in the number of posters who refer to a long commute or long hours as being a source of stress. To me, that is tiring and annoying but not stressful (I used to regularly work 14-16 hour days).
What was stressful for me was the immovable deadlines and the almost impossible amount of things that had to be done before that deadline. And the multi million pound consequences of not meeting that deadline. That was usually a pressure point for a few days every month or six weeks though so entirely manageable.

viva100 · 03/02/2015 18:59

I'm a lawyer and work very long hours (12-16 hours every day).
DP works in finance, his hours are good but the job is vv stressful (very challenging, constant shouting in the office, demanding clients, a lot of pressure to perform, people get fired all the time). We're both immigrants, started from nothing, have no support network whatsoever which is stressful in a number of ways, both every day and in the long term.

elastamum · 03/02/2015 19:00

I used to think my job was stressful until my DM was dying of cancer and then my DS was ill for about 6 months and off school for a long period.

Then I realised that in the face of family that needed me, even though I was the only earner, I would prioritise them over my job in a heartbeat. I told my boss I didn't know when I could be in and they said just work from home and do what you can. Since then I don't suffer work stress. My job is important to some - but it isn't life or death.

sanityisamyth · 03/02/2015 19:01

I'm a teacher. I keep thinking about quitting and getting a low stress job but low pay often comes with that :( I'm now a single mum so need a decent wage. I used to live to work but now I definitely work to live.

Mia1415 · 03/02/2015 19:02

I'm a senior HR manager, responsible for a team & HR for 2000 staff. Very stressful & demanding. I'm also a single mum, with no family support & a long commute.

CatieBlanket · 03/02/2015 19:06

Gertrude - I've been a SAHM for 10 years and have almost forgotten what the world of work is like- hence my interest in this.

DH has well-paid professional job but generally keeps hours 8.30 - 5.30ish. He is very good at managing staff, clients, stress. I, on the other hand, can get stressed just having to purchase and post a birthday card Smile

Thanks for replies; wide range of jobs and can appreciate why they would cause stress.

OP posts:
TedAndLola · 03/02/2015 19:07

dancingwitch I am interested in the number of posters who refer to a long commute or long hours as being a source of stress. To me, that is tiring and annoying but not stressful (I used to regularly work 14-16 hour days).

Snap. I actually like my commute (though at 50 minutes I don't consider it particularly long) because it allows me to wind down and get work out of my head, so I can arrive home and relax right away.

What was stressful for me was the immovable deadlines and the almost impossible amount of things that had to be done before that deadline. And the multi million pound consequences of not meeting that deadline.

Snap again, are we in the same job? Smile

Guiltismymaster · 03/02/2015 19:12

I used to be a kitchen designer.

Like Toomanyexams says, I had all the responsibility and no control. Loved the job itself and not fazed by the responsibility, but what was impossible was the lack of training, support, communication and understanding from management combined with ever moving goal posts and unrealistic expectations.

On top of that I worked weekends and no set shifts which made me feel very guilty.

fairyella · 03/02/2015 19:18

I am the Head of a technical department (think mechanical engineers, software engineers, medical technologists, that sort of thing).

I have both hands-on delivery stress as well as people management accountability.

I work long hours, but like someone else up-thread said, most of my stress comes from some accountability which I feel I don't have enough control of.

In my case, the latest one is hiring people (such as grads) who just aren't up to the job, because that bit is led by HR (Personnel), with local managerial supporting the hiring decisions. Which means I get people who aren't my choice of hire, and yet I'm accountable from Day 1 (literally) for their output.

Does that sound stressful?

Yes! And it is!

On the other hand, there are lots of benefits, for one, I studied long and hard to get here, and get a lot of satisfaction out of the work. I'm also the only female at my level in the entire company. I'm rather proud of what I've achieved here so far.

wobblyweebles · 03/02/2015 19:31

I thought the OP was pretty snide with the 'bleating' comment but it turned into an interesting discussion.

DH manages budgets of millions, teams of hundreds, and works closely with politicians. I think the politicians bit is the most stressful.

barkingtreefrog · 03/02/2015 19:36

I was a teacher. Loved the job in the classroom, hated the moving deadlines, 11 hours at school a day plus working evenings and weekends, unrealistic expectations, ridiculous amounts of paperwork that had no benefit to the children, and never ever feeling like I had 'finished' anything. Found it all very stressful, and that's before you add in Ofsted, difficult kids, time consuming parents, idiot head teachers etc etc Took a massive pay cut, but now work 37.5 hours a week not 70, and do not dream of work every night or think about it every waking hour Grin.
Still want to go back in a few years as I really miss the actual teaching bit, but taking a break from the stress in the meantime is great.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 03/02/2015 19:36

fairyella: I'm right there with you on the "here's a fuckwit, HIS cockups are YOUR fault". DW is on the receiving end of this, along with her line managers because HR can't do their jobs. I have just found out that my favourite agency client is in massive shit with VOSA because a tiny percentage of drivers couldn't give a monkey's/are too thick to do their jobs.

shebird · 03/02/2015 19:37

My job involves looking after large amounts other people's money. This can be stressful at times because mistakes could be very costly and I often wake up in the night fretting that I've done something wrong. I work part time but I am actually doing the job of a full time person. I am clock watching all day and panicky from the minute the alarm goes off because to everything done at work and home is a tight schedule.

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