Those of you with stressful jobs or whose DH/DP works in a stressful job

[CatieBlanket]

What do you do? What actually makes your job (or DH's job) stressful.

MNetters are always bleating on about this. They're either Superwoman because the work in a stressful job then look after kids and do housework. Or their husband can't possibly do any housework, childcare because he is Mr Important with a Stressful Job.

Sorry I should have been clearer, when I said "Which means I get people who aren't my choice of hire"

... I didn't mean it's any fault of the grads or anything.

It's just that HR / Personnel staff lead the hiring, but don't genuinely grasp what sort of skills we're after in the technical department.

An example from last week - we don't care what subject grads studied at uni, just be highly numerate/analytical.

Personnel recommended not proceeding with 1 candidate who has a degree in philosophy and physics because "it wasn't a purely numerate or analytical degree".

Whilst I admit we don't have any philosophers on our technical teams, surely an ability to think logically with deep critical insight would have tipped them off that we might like to chat with that grad?
Not just bin her application?

But nope, she got rejected and I only found out in a passing comment in the canteen today about the general state of applications...

Accountability without control. It's the pits!

I should imagine MN is more representative of people who feel stress than those who don't.

If you're a super laid back parent who doesn't feel the need to obsessively google for answers on every aspect of conception/pregnancy/baby-rearing you're less likely to come here in the first place! That personality type probably feels less stress in work as well as home life. Lots of "Type As" around here!

DH restructures and tries to rescue companies that are about to go bust. Household names sometimes with press scrutiny. We've had press on our doorstep at 5.30am to catch him for a comment. He is usually parachuted into the company with a hostile management team who may have failed to manage the company and may even have been fraudulent. Often though, they all muck in together. DH is very good at pulling teams together. In order to save some jobs and the business he has to make people redundant and close factories etc. he feels the stress deeply but really cares about the future of the company. He often works abroad at a few hours notice and doesn't know when he'll be back. Can be weeks. Deadlines are short and he often works late or across time zones.

I'm a corporate lawyer with stressful hours, stressful workload and stressful clients. I'm currently not sleeping because depending on what happens I may have made a mistake trying something into a contract. My boss is sexist and I don't see my children enough.

(that's not judging by the way, I could stress myself out in a spa )

Very alarming but not surprising how many stressed teachers have posted on here. I wish the government would pay more attention to this rather than winding people up with declarations about times tables. DD has just had a wonderful teacher leave due to stress.

I'm a Child Protection Social Worker. Stressful seems a mild way to put it! Abuse, constant unpaid overtime, crap manager and no support (although colleagues are amazing), impossible court deadlines (thanks to 26 weeks legislation) and impossible caseloads trying to even just see all the children I am responsible for is hard work let alone building a relationship and keeping on top of what's happening and holding meetings etc.

Lots of people hate what I have to say/do (parents think it's harsh as do kids who love their abusive parents, staff think we don't act early enough or do enough when really our hands are tied). I'm expected to have a magic wand that just doesn't exist.

Always that person on your shoulder telling you if you get it wrong you could mess up that family/child's life or worse - and be in the paper no doubt.

Get paid such a crap wage I have friends in non 'professional' jobs (ie no degree or recognised body) on thousands more than me. So broke I have to use a food bank myself some weeks. Really makes me feel undervalued and under appreciated by local authority/ government.

Then I finally come home to be a single mum to two young kids before working from home 2 evenings a week just to get case recordings done.

Ha- can you tell I've had a bad day?!!

Another teacher here.

I work part time (4 days) and this helps maintain a work-life balance.

The stressful part for me comes with the fact that you are always 'on-duty' in the job. Constantly thinking of what you are doing now...the next lesson....after lunch.... clubs at lunchtime.... afternoon lessons etc. And meetings after school and further clubs to do cut into the time I have left for planning or marking.

If you feel like rubbish, are unwell or struggling in any way with non-work things you still have to be at the top of your game. You can't have an 'off' day. Ever.

You are responsible for every child achieving the best they can, and it's almost asking the impossible to truly understand the best for each and every child in the class. So you do your best, but still think you could have done better as it's an intangible thing.

If the results aren't good, it's not the child that's looked at, it's the teacher.
And don't get me started on the question "Could they be bored?" when you tell a parent that their child doesn't listen well.

Luckily, I'm less stressed than normal at the moment as all my planning is in place (minus whatever tweaking needs doing to tailor it to the children) and on the computer along with differentiated resources we've built up or created. I'm quite efficient and don't waste time. I also have a smaller class than normal this year which really helps. I don't take much work home and don't have to spend too long on the holidays in my classroom or in the holidays. I also am in the lucky position to have a job in a school that has a 'good' catchment area and truly poor behaviour is not often a problem.

But the phone call to tell us we are going to be inspected is due any day.... so things may change. Lesson observations happen frequently anyway but I hate them. I'm a good teacher. I know I am. My class enjoy what we do and they get good results. But someone can stand there, watch what I'm doing and tell me how to improve. Meh.

MadeInChorley, my DH was senior in the software industry and involved in a lot of M&A activity over the years. Mind blowingly stressful and absurd hours dealing with people in other time zones etc. He always said "Well I do this three or four months a year. Our lawyers at Slaughter and May do it fifty two weeks a year. Madness".

Apologies, fairyella. Mind you, good HGV drivers are pretty philosophical. They have to be, when the roads jam solid and the bedtime kiss is down the phone. Today's M1 crash brings it home: lorries don't just crash. Somebody somewhere made a mistake through too much speed, too little sleep and their attention wandered.

I'm a midwife. The blame culture is huge. The stress is neverending and I constantly fear complaints and subsequent investigations although touch wood I've never been subject to this the fear is still there. The responsibility I have at work is huge not just because I have two lives in my hand but because most women remember the day they give birth for the rest of their life and my behaviour can have a huge impact on them. I love many aspects of my job but the stress is unlike anything I've ever encountered.

I used to have a very stressful job as a business owner with 30 employees. That was 24/7 365 days a year, during this time I also had 2 DC but no real maternity leave. DH had and still has an important job with lots of high level responsibility, and international travel. I sold out around 5 years ago and become an employee. Then when that got too much almost back to previous levels without the financial burden I quit and now I have a lower level job and I'm happy. I could give up work but I enjoy it.

grovel - yep, I do M&A. Not at S&M but same sort of place. 52 weeks a year at all hours for 12 years with a 3 year break to have kids. DH and I have our "out" plan. The upside is frankly, the money and of course that no one is going to die or be harmed by my not doing something, but the telephone numbers of money involved and personal responsibility you are supposed to shoulder when you're closing deals at 6am with no sleep is awful. Job security is terrible too.

Those who have jobs - or DH's jobs - that are unbearably stressful. Why don't you look for something else? Serious question before I get accused of being snidely or bloshie!

Are you just going to burn out?

Cuts in resources and job insecurity on top of unrealistic and ever increasing targets makes for a stressful work environment!

DukeDisaster is a very senior airline pilot for a major European airline. I would find his job immensely stressful, he doesn't. He would find my job impossiblly stressful, I don't.
All depends how you define stress.

What else would I do?! My degree is very specific to my job (social work degree!) Anything else that is similar but less stressful is even less pay and when you only have one income you don't have the luxury to take a step down like that or even a break.

Mr blondiebonce is a head chef. Works all weekend (about 22 hours on a busy sat+sun) and during the week he comes home late most nights unless they're not very busy. He does splits during the week- about 10-3 then 5.30-10/11ish. Can be later. He naps between the shifts a lot. We have a 6 month old and I can't return to my job because his hours are so unpredictable. On his 1-2 days off he sleeps lots and sits on his phone.

Appreciate how hard he works but it's a crap job when you have a family. Love our baby but miss being able to have time for myself/go to work sometimes for brain stimulation.

I find my job quite stressful at times...I am a nanny with a toddler and a young baby, working 60+ hours a week. I mostly find it stressful as I have no one to talk to through the day and am hyper critical of most things I do. DH is in finance and hours vary- mostly he's in the office 11+ hours a day. A lot of his stress is because he is very self critical too, which upsets me as he is far too hard on himself. On the whole our weekends are proper down time for us though, and I'm so glad I no longer work weekends.

No kids yet and we have a cleaner for the heavy duty cleaning (I love our cleaner, I swear she has saved our marriage!) but we share other chores and he takes care of all of our finances, which is a huge load off my mind. We plan for me to be a SAHM eventually...I think we might just get our cleaner to come in more often then!

I've got a degree in midwifery. Doesn't qualify me to do much else! And I love my job. I just wish management were more supportive and the culture was one where you could talk about and learn from mistakes rather than fearing that even the most simple and basic error could cost you your job.

Blondibonce - how did you and your DH ever manage to 'date' (for want of a better word!) with him working those hours?

Catie - good question. Partly because I'm not sure what else to do and you don't give up a job unless there is something quite overwhelming. Some bits I do like - intellectual challenge. What I do is not very portable into other careers so I'd need a lot of retraining. I sometimes think I would make an excellent PA plus as a senior woman with young DCs I fully expect to be made redundant again in a few years when the market changes again.

DH likes his job but it concedes that he can't do it forever without a heart attack. He'll stop and do freelance consulting on his own terms eventually. Oh and there's a lot of work in his market these days so he doesn't have the time to give up.

Bleating on?

Everybody needs a certain amount of stress in their job in order to do it properly and get it done. It's when the stress is constant and unremitting that problems arise but for most people leaving a job or retraining for something else is a big step in an uncertain job market and not taken lightly.