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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be cross that my ds (10) was given this as a present

142 replies

voluptuagoodshag · 03/02/2015 10:30

He received a three month subscription for Xbox live from a pal (2 years older).

When DH and I investigated how it all worked (we are not gaming experts at all) we were horrified to discover that this allows a gamer to play on line with anyone, anywhere in the world. Yes there are parental controls but having now done some research and asked others who have it, it would appear that language can be choice and they can be communicating with anyone online. We would also need to buy a dongle to allow it to operate.

Now what I'm most annoyed about is that the parents of this pal didn't ask us if this was ok or if we had the right equipement. If they had, it wouldn't have been an issue but they've gone ahead and got this for our DS who is now clearly desperate to play on it. Also the subscription is only for three months, so it would then mean we were left with the decision of whether to commit to renewing it or not.

I just think this is the most irresponsible thing to do.

OP posts:
Idontseeanysontarans · 03/02/2015 10:55

DS gets a 12 month subscription for xbox live - at £35 it's not cheap but he uses some Christmas money to pay for it so there's one get out, you could if you wanted to tell him that if he proves himself trustworthy using the 2 month subscription he can buy himself (either using birthday money or saved up spence) a full 12 month subscription and review how he's doing with it regularly while he's still quite young.
It's not quite as dangerous as you think - my 9year old DD uses the playstation version regularly without a problem. just keep a close eye on who he's talking to and what his friends gamer tags are and it really won't be that bad.

Original poster
voluptuagoodshag · 03/02/2015 10:55

I'm hardly hysterical, I've not even spilt my cup of tea yet.

OP posts:
SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 03/02/2015 10:57

Why do you need a dongle? Surely you have wifi given the iPad etc?

SoonToBeSix · 03/02/2015 10:57

You don't need a dongle?

Idontseeanysontarans · 03/02/2015 10:58

X post with you, DS's is an old one and can hook up directly to the wifi. I've just checked it over and as far as I can remember we needed to get another wire for it. Hdmi possibly, it's been a while.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 03/02/2015 10:59

Suggest your DH reads it again, if you have broadband any make of xbox just needs connecting to it. Or maybe he's using the dongle as an excuse to not use the present you deem the spawn of the earth. Poor pal, I bet he was excited about being able to Minecraft together etc.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 03/02/2015 11:02

They didn't have to buy you a present at all. If you don't want to use it then don't use it. It's not compulsory. Someone bought me a microwaveable hot water bottle for Christmas. I don't have a microwave. Should I have been outraged that they didn't consult with me first? After all I'll have to fork out £30 for a microwave if I want to use it.

Idontseeanysontarans · 03/02/2015 11:02

If he wants to play Minecraft he needs to be online anyway - it's not available on disc for xbox I don't think? We certainly had to download it.

padkin · 03/02/2015 11:06

My children use Xbox live. We closely monitor it, and there are strict rules. It's been a good way of teaching them about internet safety, keeping personal info safe, how to respond to inappropriate language or behaviour etc...

So I'm certainly not anti but... YANBU in thinking it's not a great gift, if parents haven't been consulted. I wouldn't dream of giving something like that without making sure it was ok. It doesn't matter what I think about Xbox live, someone's parents may have different views which they are perfectly entitled too and I wouldn't presume anything.

If you don't want your son to use it, or it's too complicated or expensive to set up, then you'll just have to tell him that. It's tough, and I imagine he'll not be best pleased, but that's parenting for you.

MrsPeterQuill · 03/02/2015 11:07

horrified?

Blimey, what a storm in a teacup. My ten year old ds has one, and so far hasn't been sucked into any kind of worldwide 'choice' language furore.

They have to accept a request from someone to play online with them. He only accepts requests from his school friends. As for going beyond three months membership, in all probability he may be bored by then and not be bothered.

LuckySaint · 03/02/2015 11:08

Ds1 plugs his xbox into his laptop when he wants to go on xbox live.
You don't need a dongle.

DieselSpillages · 03/02/2015 11:09

I agree this is a crap present.

I signed my Ds up for one month of xbox live .. total nightmare. He wanted to be on it 24/7 . They can't easily stop because it mucks it up for the friends they are playing with. My Ds was agressive and moody when he stopped playing due to hours of sitting physically still whilst emotionally being fully immersed in drama. There is no way in hell that I would ever sign him up again. There's plenty of other ways to socialise with their mates.

I would not buy a dongle , you could tell your Ds that it's incompatible with your computer system depending on how tech savvy he is Confused

TrendStopper · 03/02/2015 11:11

You don't need X box live to play mine craft. My 10yr old plays mine craft with a disc.

For those who have X box live. Is there a way to set it up without putting in bank card details?

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 03/02/2015 11:13

Yes, it doesn't need card details as can all be done via vouchers. It has great parental controls for a console.

InfinitySeven · 03/02/2015 11:13

Yes, if you have an old Xbox without a wifi connector, you'll need either to connect it using a LAN cable from the router, or to buy a wifi receiver for your Xbox.

If you're not happy him using it, explain that it's not compatible with his Xbox.

BadLad · 03/02/2015 11:15

If he wants to play Minecraft he needs to be online anyway - it's not available on disc for xbox I don't think? We certainly had to download it.

www.amazon.co.uk/Microsoft-13189-Minecraft-Xbox-One/dp/B00KJG4B9G/ref=sr_1_1_twi_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1422962069&sr=8-1&keywords=minecraft

Original poster
voluptuagoodshag · 03/02/2015 11:17

Idontseeanysontaras. That makes sense. The Xbox is in the living room with the telly, but the wifi is in the kitchen where the phone line comes in. Guess that's why we'd need a dongle or a very long connection. But will get DH to check again.

They didn't have to buy a gift and ds gratefully received what was given and thank you note duly issued.

However I still think buying a kid the sort of thing that means being online is something that should always be checked with parents first.

OP posts:
Original poster
voluptuagoodshag · 03/02/2015 11:26

And for the record he has a MINECRAFT disc he can play on it. He doesn't need to be online to play it.

We try to limit screen time to 30 mins a day during the week. Try to do similar at weekends but do allow more time if cannot get out to do other stuff and they are stuck in. However I know my son, he gets cross when we tell him time is up on his Nintendo. The advice I'm getting from an uncle is that it needs to be closely monitored as his son would get moody and angsty and aggressive if he'd been on it too long depending what he was playing. He also managed to rack up a bill of £200 of add-ons.

Sod that!

OP posts:
AliceinWinterWonderland · 03/02/2015 11:31

If he wants to play Minecraft he needs to be online anyway - it's not available on disc for xbox I don't think? We certainly had to download it.

My 8yo plays Minecraft off a disc. We have an xbox but no online subscription play. I won't allow it, as he has SNs and doesn't understand online safety rules well.

I can understand OP's concern. Honestly, people bang on about parents not monitoring their kids online, then the OP basically wants to make sure her child is not online in a situation where he might wander into inappropriate communication with someone he doesn't know, and people tell her to lighten up. There is nothing wrong with her placing limits on his online forays.

ChickenSoupChef · 03/02/2015 11:35

I don't understand why you need a dongle. We have xbox live and we don't own a dongle.

Original poster
voluptuagoodshag · 03/02/2015 11:38

Vegasisbest, he's 10 it's the pal who is 12 so not a teenager by any stretch of the imagination and he's only just turned 10. This was a birthday pressie. And he is an immature 10.

OP posts:
UsuallyLurking1 · 03/02/2015 11:38

"The most irresponsible thing to do"

Bejesus......

TrendStopper · 03/02/2015 11:39

Snow White - when I went to set up an X box live account it asked for my card details. There wasn't an option to use vouchers. How do you get around this?

Dunkling · 03/02/2015 11:39

My 14 year old son is not allowed on xbox live, it was one of the conditions of him finally getting an xbox.

I wouldn't be horrified, they thought they were giving a present quite typical of a teen/pre teen (because I accept I am quite stricter than most parents) but had my son received it, I would allow it's use, say, to known friends only and instant banning if this was ignored, and then explain why I didn't like the thought of I and that we wouldn't be renewing. Bit of a halfway ground really.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 03/02/2015 11:39

I bet it wasn't a present-present, I bet they just got a 'pass on to a friend' voucher and passed it on. I have two 'subscriptions' in my inbox today - one for graze snackboxes (erm, no ta I can snack fine by myself) and one for a food delivery service, all from pals, which I'm ignoring...