To think that at 32 I'm not an "older mum"

[elliejjtiny]

I've got 5 dc, oldest 8, youngest 7 months. I was 22 when I started ttc my eldest, 24 when I had him, still just about young enough to go to the "young parents" group at the children's centre .

But now having had my 5th DC I get the impression that I'm now an "older mum". Out of all my DC2's friends mums there is only one older than me and she's a grandmother (aged 40). Most of the others seem to have started having children at 18/19 and finish by 25. I was the oldest mum on the antenatal ward when I had DC5 and today I saw a toddler group advertised aimed at "older mothers" saying it was for mums aged 30+.

Are most of the mums in my area really young or am I (gulp) an older mum now? There's no point asking my mum, as long as I'm still a young mum, she can still call herself a young granny!

Patchworkpatty - No we saved ourselves and paid for our wedding ourselves. We had a good few years married before having our first at 23. We had been working for 6 years so had a decent dual income. I have subsequently retrained and studied for a BA and a masters, and we are aged 30 now.

I will add patchwork it probably comes from moving out from my parents place at 17. They have not helped with university, property buying , cars, driving lessons, weddings like you see on mn. That just isn't the norm for me.

It gives you more drive if you have to do it yourselves.I am however saving for my children as it does make life easier.

I think "older mother" used to be anyone over 25! Now it seems to refer to mothers aged 35 or over. I had my two at 32 and 34. That seems to be on the older side where I live, although I haven't felt out of place age-wise at groups as there is quite a wide range of ages.

My mum was 29 when she had me and was the oldest in her NCT group (late 70s). I think she said she couldn't go to her first choice of hospital as she was considered to be old to be having her first baby. 24 years later my SIL, also 29, was the youngest in her NCT group. She was also the youngest mother out of all DH's cousins.

I had my first at 24 and was the youngest of my social group to have a baby, most friends are just getting going now (ES is 9). I was one of the younger ones when he started school, but YS's nursery is full of 40-something Mums, so having had both of mine in my 20's makes me something of a freak in these parts.

Zero wow ! what can I say ? that's amazing. How many 17 yr olds have the tenacity , foresight and obviously an amazing relationship to get together at 17, save , but a house , get married , have dcs AND still be married at 30 ? It shows maturity beyond your (then) years. Fabulous ! I am in awe... (just glad you weren't in Dd's study - it would have so skewed her stats and would have been so grumpy

but a house ?want buy a house ...

arghh fat fingers ! meant buy a house !

definitely not an older mum! In my NCT group of 7 first timers the youngest was 29 I think going up to early 40's

I'm sure the term'older mother' was explained to me to mean in a biological sense. Something like 20s are the optimum age to conceive as you are at the fight of your fertility. Once you get past your 20's you are clearly older. It's not meant as an insult or anything!

The statistics though have not really been updated since the 1960s where having babies in your mid 30's to 40s was associated with poverty and larger families, greater instances of ill health due to poor nutrition and housing.

Now if you conceive in your mid-late 30's / early 40s its far more likely that you're having your first child after or during a successfully built career.

I think they're going to have to lose the "geriatric" term soon, and I hope they do.

My midwife scribbled 'geriatric' on my notes at my booking in appointment. I was 34!

I was 34 when DS2 was born and I felt like a granny at the children's centre. The others were all early to mid 20's. I'm now 38 and expecting DC3, so looking forward to being complimented on my lovely grandchild!

From an obstetric POV, 40 and over triggers consultant care and recommendations at present.

I think it is very area-dependent. If I still lived where I grew up, I'd be the youngest mother at the school gates by far when DD goes to primary school (I'll be 23). People back there are always astounded when they hear that 'despite' being a teenage mum, I'm living with my partner (yes, DD's dad - another shocker apparently) in a private-rented flat two hours away from family, and haven't taken time out from uni. Late 20s early 30s is the usual age. My mum was 24 when she had me, and I had the youngest mum out of my primary school class.

If we stay where we're living at the moment, I will probably still be among the youngest, but not with a huge margin like I would be elsewhere. People are impressed when they hear that I'm still at uni, but I've not encountered many people who immediately assume I'm not with the dad, or that I've moved back in with my parents. In the first area, you'd be considered the 'acceptable' age to have a baby. In the area I live now, you'd probably be seen as an older mum in comparison to most.

In Fulham the average age of first time mothers is 43!

It seems to be social/cultural, varying by area, which often is also social/cultural.

We've moved about a bit. Had dds at 29 and 32.

In our university peer group (Oxbridge, London, law/finance), we were quite exotic for a few years. "I hear you've got... children, and all that?" We're now 45, ours are teens and They've all got primary-aged and toddlers.

Moved to market town, where we've been about average throughout the school years.

But in my family, I'm ancient! My niece is a grandmother at 40, and whilst younger than average, isn't unusual.